Breaking Brushes

I'm kind of a season behind on my blogging, so this story isn't recent, but I enjoy it. I hope you will, too!

In July, after my visit to Denver, my friend Tasha and I drove to Chicago for Crimson Moon. 

Crimson Moon is a party that I truly love (not like there are any spanking parties that I *don't* like). It has a very different feel than a lot of other parties. Part of this is the relaxed, casual atmosphere that the organizers' attitudes lend to the general festivities. Another thing is the fact that Crimson Moon is held in a hotel that doesn't have large suites, so people tend to play and hang out in a handful of smaller, more intimate bunches. This gives you lots of different rooms to chose from with lots of different energies, which is a big win. It also means that you have the unfortunate situation of not running into people as often as you might want to, or missing someone entirely because you were always in different rooms. 

On the first night that I was at the party, I came into a room to find that my friends JC and Piper, as well as a handful of others, were playing in there (in fact, I'm pretty sure it was their room, but I wouldn't guarantee that). I'm just getting to know Piper, although she seems incredibly sweet, but JC is one of my long time friends, and he's become one of my favorite Tops. I hadn't played for recreation yet at the party (I'd done a couple of sessions earlier that day) and I wanted to get going at that: what's the point of being at a spanking party if not to get (or give!) lots of spankings?! Besides, because of the variety of small groups that I knew I'd be hanging out in all weekend, I wanted to catch JC for some play in case we didn't get a chance later. 

After some hanging out and cuddling, JC bent me over the edge of the bed and started to spank me with his hand. He started out fairly gently, but moved on to start using his hand like he normally does: hard. He gives one of the hardest hand spankings of anyone that I've ever played with, which is really saying something! I was really wanting to be spanked, though, and I was particularly happy to be reconnecting with my friend this way after almost six months, so instead of resisting, I felt blissed out. I think I probably cooed as he spanked me. The room we were playing in was busy and bustling, and my friends were probably watching, but I was in the right headspace to not care. Everything in the background melted away, and my only thought was the brightness that I felt with each smack. After a little while, JC decided it was time to move on to another implement (I say this because his hand pretty much counts as an implement in my mind!) and he brought out a pair of new hairbrushes. They still had the tags on and everything! I think Piper had purchased them for him, so I asked her if it was alright if I got spanked with them (as this is something I would have been sensitive about were the tables turned) and she gave an enthusiastic "Better you than me!" JC told me to pick which one I wanted to feel across my bottom. 

When someone asks me to pick out a strap or select a cane, I always feel nervous and a little lost: despite the amount of time I've spent on the receiving end of these implements, I still have trouble identifying which ones will be meanest based on site. Hairbrushes, though, are a different story. I consider myself a good judge of character when it comes to hairbrushes. I can tell which ones are going to have a deep, burning bite, and which ones will have a lighter, more superficial sting, which ones have a cushioned core that give them a gentler thud and which ones will blind me in a frenzy of smacks that I can never seem to get used to. I could immediately tell that one of the two hairbrushes was decidedly friendlier, so I picked that one. It was a a rectangular "paddle brush" in a reddish colored wood.

JC began to spank me with it, and I began to squirm a bit, wriggling around under the smacks, although they felt quite like I had expected. Smack, smack, smack went the hairbrush. Things grew sorer and sorer with each smack, until one felt vaguely dull and strange.

"Are you serious?!" I heard JC ask. I turned around to look. "You broke my hairbrush! This is the first time I ever used it!" 

I find it annoying when people brag about breaking canes, since that's usually a sign of poor technique combined with more force than a person with that level of skill should be using, but with little implements like this, it makes me excited. Ha! Take that, hairbrush! I got you back!

Piper seemed to share my attitude, cheering me on and talking about how I'd saved her. 

Of course, at this point, that meant that I was in for a dose of the other hairbrush: the one I hadn't selected because it seemed heavier and more bitey. It was, indeed, heavier and more bitey. I squealed and kicked a bit as he gave me a hard flurry of swats to "reward" for my "accomplishment." 

Breaking things during your first spanking of a party weekend? It's a sign that things are off to a good start! 

❤︎

Don't Worry! I'm Still Here!

It's been one of the longest gaps between posts that I've ever had on this blog.
I'm still here, I promise. I've just been in a transition period in my life.

About five weeks ago, I left South Dakota with everything I owned there packed into my sedan. From there, I drove to Denver, where I visited with Amoni and shot some absolutely amazing scenes (including two outdoor scenes) for Real Spankings.  From Denver, I drove straight through to Dallas, which is the longest stretch of driving I've ever done alone and in one go. After a few days of recovery from that, I spent some time visiting with a variety of awesome friends, doing some shopping and eating the greatest BBQ in all the land. I love the time that I spend in Texas. I got to do some filming, too, including stuff for Firm Discipline (still awaiting it's return to the internet), Amateur Spankings and a few others! Mila and I hung out a bit, too, then I picked her up and we drove to Vegas for Shadowlane. Driving to Vegas was a long and kind of ridiculous process, but it was amazingly fun, too. The whole backseat of my car was packed solid:

We had misadventures, sisterly arguments, played car games, sang along to a lot of music, ate snacks and did other roadtriply things. We also spent a night with Heather Green and her fiance, who happened to be in the area, which was lovely! Of course, I had to get naked in nature at some point during the trip:

After that, we did eventually arrive in Vegas, where good times were had by all. I'm horrible at writing about parties, and I feel like everyone already has a good idea what Shadowlane was like from all the awesome reports that have been posted, so I'm not going to try to add to it. I will point out that I had a wonderfully fun shoot for Triple A while I was there! It had been a long time since I saw John ("The Chief") and I was very pleased to get to spend time with him again. I really enjoy filming with him for his site because he has a high tolerance for my ridiculous ideas and we often end up making things that are a bit wacky, but very hot as well. To add to the awesomeness, we filmed with Maddy Marks and Christy Cutie as well. These girls are two of my best friends, and it's very exciting that now we're all living in the same city. There will certainly be NO TROUBLE coming from that whatsoever! Anyway, during filming we were all in high spirits and I got into one of my brattiest moods ever captured on film, answering back to everything and showing minimal contrition. I shamelessly stole these photos from John's blog. Thanks, Mr. Osborne!

Maddy and I wrestling and play-fighting, as sisterly girls are known to do! 

I finally got to kiss Christy on film! We've giggled about doing this for a long time now. We're dressed this way because we were trying to get ready for a Halloween party, so you'll probably see this film sometime next month!

Naughtiest cheerleaders ever? Check! 

Question: What do girls do in their school common rooms? Answer: look at each other's panties, of course! Knowing all three of us, this isn't even far removed from the truth. ^_^

The shoot was crazy fun, and we got really lovely content. I'm quite excited to see it released!

After the party was over, we took one extra day in Vegas to walk around on the strip. Mila, Maddy, Christy and I were chaperoned around by Maddy's boyfriend, Siq. There's a lot of alcohol available in Vegas, it turns out, and I got..errr...day drunk. Kind of immediately. Before lunch. I'm SUCH A WINNER. Lunch did me a lot of good, though, and we had fun exploring for the rest of the day. The four of us girls were impeccably behaved, of course, and there was no whining, fighting, biting or public spanking of one and other, and I CERTAINLY didn't make us walk approximately two miles in search of lions that no longer exist. Honestly. I promise.

The next day, Mila and I drove on to Los Angeles, where Mila visited with Raffos and Zeki for a couple of days, including an adventure to Little Tokyo in Lolita attire:

After I said goodbye to my dear and beloved sister and she was returned to Texas, I slowly but surely began the process of getting settled and creating stability. Paul arrived a couple days after Mila left, as we've moved in together. I know this is kind of a big thing for me to throw in as a side note, but we've both had a lot of changes in our lives recently, and we've been building a wonderful life together. Originally, we intended to live Downtown, in the same building as Raffos and Zeki, but we ultimately decided that it was not quite enough space, and a bit too urban for what we wanted and we found an adorable house in the valley. It's been quite a process getting set up: moving everything from storage lockers, figuring out what we needed to buy and doing so, getting back my dear and beloved cats and getting them settled, cleaning, unboxing, organizing, tracking down and buying new appliances and, perhaps the most daunting task: learning to drive in Los Angeles. So far, we're both doing quite well with it! There's been plenty of spanking happening, too, and I'll tell some more stories about that soon, but I can't rightfully make a post here without including at least one picture of my reddened bottom, so here's a teaser for the next post:

Making a long story short, Bad Alex got me in trouble because she's a whore. 

Speaking of the next post, I'm not positive when I'll be able to return to my usual schedule: I don't have internet at my new house yet. The ISP can't set it up until October 2nd 0_0. Awful! How will I live?! I've written this post while visiting over at R and Z's place. So, I'll do my best, but I'm not making any promises!
♥

Video Blog with Christy Cutie, from TASSP!

So, I know that this is entirely out of chronological order, but I made this video blog with Christy Cutie at TASSP and I wanted to share it. The spanking at the end is very playful and not meant to be serious in any amount, or to actually hurt.  Here, we share some of our adventures from TASSP.

I think I've mentioned before that I get into a different sort of mood depending on who I'm hanging out with, and Christy and I occupy a very giggly, super naughty, school girlish type space most of the time that we're together, as seen in this clip. Christy's "Domming" at the end is adorable. "WAIT! NO ONE SAID YOU CAN MOVE!" The couple that I refer to as "The Arms" and his new wife, whose names we weren't sure if we were supposed to say or not, are Kevin and Rachel of spankanonymous.

 I'm also the most awkward person ever in a video blog, I'm rather convinced, and the angle and lighting are a bit weird, so it isn't ideal. That's all okay.

Christy and I will be hanging out together at Chicago Crimson Moon in July. We offer double sessions, so if you're interested in spanking both of us, feel free to drop me an email at alexinspankingland@gmail.com with "session" in the subject line for a swift response! 

I'll finish a written post soon, probably later today. Someone made me suddenly really want to get my email finished before I do anything else, so that's happening right now. 

♥

Schoolgirls and sailors!

I only have three more things that I really feel are important to share about BBW. The rest of the party was wonderful, but it was ages ago, and holy crap, really Alex? You need to get caught up. So, here are my final three stories. I'm totally writing this from TASSP right now. My inability to keep up to date with this stuff is OUT OF CONTROL. Additionally, I'm sorry that recently my blog has simply been a series of stories about adventures most of the time, in case anyone finds that boring. Soon, my life will be settling for a while and I'll get caught up and back to my regular programing. I've had really ridiculously low traffic this month, so I'm sorry for whatever isn't awesome about what I've been up to recently. I'm still here, and I'll do my best to get back to updating regularly and excitingly as soon as I can! 

There were a lot of British people at BBW, including a handful of my favorite people. I think it was Richard Windsor's idea to have a "Meet the Brits" party. I liked this party quite a bit because various people had brought biscuits and sweeties and other things that I was missing after returning to the US, and I munched on this stuff while socializing with whoever was around. At one point, Bad Alex and I ended up chatting to Mr. Allen again. I mentioned earlier that Bad Alex had sort of punched me on the knee earlier, and it had marked up. As the three of us hung out, I noticed this bruise again. "Mr. Allen," I kind of whined, "Alex hit me. It left a mark, look!" He looked, and asked Alex if she had, indeed, hit me. She openly and unabashedly admitted to it, and probably included her trademark phrase: "sucks to suck!" As the victim, I was asked what punishment seemed appropriate and I suggested that she should be caned.

"Fine," Alex said. "But tattletales get double."
"Agreed," said Mr. Allen.

Then my head exploded. Where was this rule every time that I did the tiniest little thing wrong and Mila felt it was her sisterly duty to tell everyone she could think of about it? It seemed to me that when someone tattled on me and I complained about it, the response was always "She's just looking out for your best interest" or "She needs to protect herself." The unfairness of the universe was overpowering. I probably stamped my foot, but I don't remember.

Alex got her caning, which was enjoyable to watch. There was some sliver of fairness left in the world, because each of the six strokes obviously hurt, and everything is right when Bad Alex is experiencing something painful as consequence for her badness. Then it was my turn. "This isn't fair!" I reminded everyone. "I didn't do anything wrong!" Mr. Allen looked at me with an expression that suggested that I was close to earning even more strokes if I kept up my complaining, though, so I bent over the chair. They weren't hard, full bodied strokes, but they weren't overly playful, either. And, as the other stories in the previous posts will remind you, I'd played a lot that weekend. I was sore as could be, and each stroke made me whimper and yelp. Near the end of my thrashing probably at the tenth stroke or so, Lucy and Stephen came into the room and sat down at the end of the bed next to us. Lucy inquired about why I was being caned and Mr. Allen and Alex explained it to her.

"Yes, that seems quite fair," Lucy said.
"WHAT?! Why does everyone think this is fair?!" I protested, making a scrunchy face at Lucy.  (My blog doesn't support me making the emoticon scrunchy face but you'll just have to imagine it. A lot).
"Mr. Allen!" Lucy immediately called out, "Alex just made a horrid face at me!"
"Did you?" Mr. Allen asked and I nodded pitifully, unable to tell a lie. "You'll be getting extra strokes,"  he told me. In my mind, the amount of extra strokes was four, but it's very possible it was actually two. My memory can be a bit faulty when it comes to these things, especially as time passes.

It was impossibly hard not to scrunch my face up at this announcement, but somehow I managed, knowing quite well that it wouldn't be a wise choice. The extra strokes (however many they were) were harder, and I yelped more loudly than I had previously, shuffling my feet and grinding my toe against the floor. This was the first time I'd ever been punished for making a scrunchy face. It was not the last.

The reason why I find this story particularly noteworthy is because I wanted to get Bad Alex caned. In the process, I ended up taking probably sixteen strokes. I got ten more strokes than she did. Somehow, this still felt "worth it" to me. Why? Because Bad Alex is Bad. Besides, I like unfairness. I like it when someone I know well and trust lies to me about what will and won't happen in a scene (YS does this quite regularly. He tells me he's only giving me two strokes and then gives me six, or something like that). The feeling of this scene spiraling out of what I expected it to be was invigorating. I felt like I was being swept along, caught up in the current of some river of caning. There was something much more interesting about not being able to be certain when things would end. 

The good and the bad!

The second incident took place on the Sunday before we all left BBW. ellee and I had negotiated a group roleplay scene with Richard Windsor before the party. Richard had given us pretty much free reign on the scenario, within the agreed upon context that it was a school roleplay that was meant to end with us getting caned. ellee and I brainstormed for a long time, tossing back and forth various ideas over email and IM. Eventually, one of my ideas won out: we would be in trouble for having a secret pet  in our dorm. ellee filled in a lot of the details: we'd found a litter of kittens behind the supply shed and had taken them in because they were oh-so-cute instead of telling someone in authority about them. As the kittens grew, they caused all sorts of problems: they tore up the carpet and wallpaper, peed all over things, gave a girl an asthma attack and, probably worst of all, brought fleas into the building. Everyone in the dorm had them, and the dorm director was at a loss for what was causing the "bedbug problem." Eventually, the asthma attack had gotten us brought to attention and our dorm director wrote a letter to the headmaster, Mr. Windsor. ellee and I carefully crafted this letter, including making a fake email address for the "dorm director" to send it to Rich. 

Unfortunately, it was a bit hard for Rich to punish us for having kittens, being an animal lover himself, so it may not have been the ideal scenario. It was totally us, though: earnest, mostly good, accidentally in a lot of trouble, rather sad about it. 

On Sunday, when it was time for our scene, ellee and I got dressed up in school uniforms that didn't match at all. (We now have matching school skirts. This changes everything. Next party that we're at together, we take over the world). Still, we both felt like school girls, and that's what counts. We came into Rich's room and he was in character, lecturing us from the door about what we'd done wrong and how much trouble we were in. We stared at the ground repentantly, trying to give answers that weren't too snarky. Eventually, it was decided that we knew better, and that we'd caused a lot of damage, so we were both to be spanked and then we'd each get twelve strokes of the cane. Rich sent me to stand in the corner while he spanked ellee, first-- he later told me that he did it this way because he knew that this would build a lot of anticipation and have a strong affect on me, and he was entirely right. I try to take cornertime seriously, even in a roleplay, because it's such an important part of my kink. This time, though, the lighthearted nature of our pretending and the fact that elleebutt was getting spanked right behind me got the best of me, and I kept turning around to peek. Rich caught me and told me that if I looked back again, I'd get extra strokes. I couldn't help myself. I looked back again. I guess I'm just never satisfied with twelve strokes of the cane. I have to keep earning extra. 

Once he finished spanking ellee, he switched and put me over his lap. I tried to oogle ellee while she stood in the corner near me, but I was far too distracted by the spanking at hand.

The spanking was brisk, and I was already sore, so I wiggled and squirmed around. When it was done, Rich got me up and got ellee out of the corner and directed us to bend over opposite sides of a small table, where we'd be receiving our canings.

In position! (ellee is the cutest girl ever to live)

He then gave ellee the first stroke, which made her yelp. After that, he walked around the table to my side, to deliver my first one. This process was long and very, very anticipatory. Anticipation can be a hugely positive factor in a scene for me, and a lot of the play that Richard and I have engaged in together has emphasized this. The whole set up served to get into my head quite a bit, which seems to be another big factor in the scenes that Richard and I have done. After I got each stroke, I saw ellee's face as she got hers. We grabbed each other's hands in solidarity and comfort, and I felt her squeeze me as things hurt.

EVEN HER HANDS ARE CUTE!

Eventually, we worked through all the strokes, except for the additional two that I'd be getting. At this point, I was greatly regretting my antics earlier. The caning had been quite hard, and I'd gotten a few on my thighs, making me cry out and whimper lots and lots. I wasn't crying, but I was quite contrite and well thrashed feeling. The last two really "counted." This is the way of the world when you earn extra strokes, I suppose. I considered going back to being an excessively good girl all the time, in order to avoid any more of these in the future. :P

The scene ended with the two of us in the corner, then we had that semi-awkward moment where we broke character, then we giggled and hugged.

So much sweetness. 

The final noteworthy adventure at BBW took place IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS, and much running around was involved to get from this adventure the next. The next was the "Adult Speaking" boat cruise, which was really, really fun. We had to change quickly and then basically teleport to the place where the bus was taking us to the dock, except that we can't actually do that, so we had to run really quickly through a big hotel instead. But it was worth it! It was lots of fun to hang out on the boat, once we all eventually got there.

I like boats. I like boating. I grew up in Southern New Jersey on the coast, extremely close to where we were boating at the time, and I felt very, very at home. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to be being myself, totally and entirely while I was in my home setting. I spent time with each of the people who had come on the boat that was special to me. I had a couple of drinks. I had Pandora take photos of me climbing stairs in my sailor dress:

Then, of course, there was the customary "Drawbridge spanking" where everyone lines up and gets spanked in front of a drawbridge, while everyone in their cars can see us. I was slightly embarrassed by this idea, but I went for it anyway. Joe (drlectr) spanked me. I love Joe.

This is one of my all time favorite photos. 

That's really all I have to say about the boat trip. I do want to share one more photo, because I feel that it's a gem beyond compare. Here's me and my darling twinsie, ellee, on the boat:

ellee looks so thoroughly spanked. I don't look to pale myself!

This concludes my posting about BBW. Onward to further adventures! Thanks for your patience! I love you all! ♥

This Post Makes My Hands Hurt.

Before the party, Mike Tanner had written to ellee and I and asked us if we'd be willing to participate in a sales contest during the vendor fair. Due to our nature as good, helpful girls (captains of the Good Girl Society!) we were excited about a chance to help out and started planning ways to do the best job at this ever. This involved wearing matching outfits, of course, since ellee is my most beloved twinsie and we're very good at matching. She picked out some adorable pink sweater tops for us to wear with school uniform skirts, and she also got both of us and Beth matching heels that look like bunnies. They're basically the greatest thing ever created by science (science OBVIOUSLY goes into making shoes. Duh). We got ready and looked incredibly cute, if I must say so myself. In a horrible turn of events, no one took a photo of us. WTF. I don't even have a response to that. Oh well.

We went down to the fair, where we found out that we were vending for Strictly Spanking, which was kind of an honor since it meant that the organizers trusted us enough to assign us to their table. Miranda explained what we were to do to help the sales and then we got to work, chatting up everyone from friends to strangers, bouncing around energetically, suggesting to the bottoms that the soothing lotion was indeed the most soothing and telling the Tops that they could test evil implements on us. I was bruised and sore from my scene with Stephen just a little while earlier, but I was still full of bounce, so I didn't really mind the fact that I found myself bent over the front table with my school skirt lifted again, and again and again, often next to ellee (ok, who could mind that?!)

Doing this forced me to be outgoing, which isn't always my natural state (I'm technically an introvert who learned extroversion, and now I can happily exist in both states). At one point, I re-met someone that I had met briefly at Shadowlane: the aforementioned Mr. Allen. I didn't remember that I already kind of knew him, but once I made the connection, I realized that I found him very enjoyable and I was happy that he was there. We chatted for no more than one minute before I had a strange, almost out-of-body experience. I heard my voice, as if coming from somewhere other than my mouth, as if controlled by something other than my muscles and breath: 

"Would you tawse my hands later? I was told that you're good at that." 

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Brain! I thought to myself as soon as I had finished speaking. Now is not six months from earlier! Now isn't even six hours from earlier! What's wrong with you? You can call it morbid curiosity. You can call it a lack of self preservation. You can call it the inability to deny what I want, an obsession with pushing limits, insanity, whatever you want. There's just a certain... something about me at times like these. 

Mr. Allen gladly agreed to introduce me to this time honored practice and instructed me to find him later. I was then swept up in the whirlwind of whatever it was I was doing at the moment and didn't have time to worry too much about what I had gotten myself into. 

As the vendor fair came to a close, we were instructed to walk around and encourage people to come to the table who may not have otherwise. I was feeling pretty good about the work that ellee and I had done. ellee was amazingly chipper and outgoing, and she really kept me at my perkiest as we strived to compete against the other tables. Besides, she looked really good in her sweater. :) Now, I split off from her and went around to talk to strangers by myself so she could cover different territory. At some point, Bad Alex came up and started following me around like a lost puppy. Instead of being useful and encouraging people towards my goal, she started being counter productive "Don't buy anything!" she told people. "We want them to lose!" "I want to see Alex get spanked on stage"-- that was the punishment for losing, and I wasn't all that concerned about that, nor was I all that interested in the physical prize for winning (a bottle of lotion). I just wanted to be a winner. I can get horribly competitive. I wanted ellee and I to win and that was all I really cared about. I started to get pretty annoyed at Bad Alex, and I insisted that it wasn't funny. As I took a moment off to socialize with Lucy and Stephen again, she came up and started telling them not to buy anything from me. "Alex!" I shouted. "Stop being such a cunt!" 

And that was how in one single motion I found myself no longer on my feet, and instead over Lucy's lap, getting scolded about how she KNEW that I wasn't supposed to talk to my friends that way and that such language was most unladylike. She was, of course, correct on both counts. Bad Alex was FAR TOO SMUG about this turn of events, though: a trend that will continue throughout the story of this adventure. 

General advice: there are certain words that it's just not worth saying to your friends at a spanking party. 

Soon, the contest was over and the winners were announced, with me and ellee bringing our team to the winning position. There was much rejoicing, and ellee did her patented bounce. 

I don't remember if the next part of this story actually happened in this sort of chronological order, but it seems that way in my memory, so it's going that way in the post. :)

That evening, I was in and out of suite parties, running around, playing with friends and visiting with others. I got to know a few new people and did the sort of stuff I usually do at a party. At one point, I was running around on a mission to find Stacy because she had something that her husband needed, and I ran into Mr. Allen. He asked me if I was ready for that which I was due, and I politely explained that I had to run and find Stacy, then disappeared again. Just seeing him refreshed my memory on the subject that I had previously put out of my mind. Later that night, I walked into a suite in which he was hanging out, accompanied by none other than my worst behaved counterpart, Bad Alex. Part of me wanted to come up with some excuse for why I wasn't going to get my hands tawsed. I had to go somewhere. I wasn't feeling well. I had suddenly remembered that I was REALLY REALLY SCARED of this. But I knew I wasn't going to chicken out. I knew that I could be calm about it. If I wanted to do this enough to ask for it, I wanted to do it enough to go through with it.

Holy hell, I was scared though. I'd heard all sorts of stories and had talked to various people, and everyone said that nothing compared to the pain of that. Nothing. It was the worst. My "big game" that I talk about my ability to take pain is all about spanking. I seriously tear up if someone high fives me too hard. Somehow, though, I agreed that I was going to have my hands tawsed, and some of the process was explained to me. I originally thought that a girl I had just met for the first time, Em, wanted to get her hands tawsed again and was volunteering to go before me, but I later discovered that Mr. Allen had conscripted her to serve as a demonstration. Somehow we ended up in a line with Em at the front, me in the middle and Bad Alex ended up behind me. (Em is extremely nice and I'm glad I got to know her over the weekend, but I feel a bit guilty now that she got tawsed on my behalf! Awww!) 

The idea of the three of us lined up to get this made it a lot more comfortable for me, because it ritualized it beyond that which already existed. It was explained that Em would be getting one on each hand and that the Alexes would each get two per hand. The tawse that Mr. Allen had for these purposes was an authentic, old one, stamped with an H for "heavy" and it had clearly been used many, many times before. I shuddered just to look at it. At this time in my life (not at present, any longer) the tawse was the one scary implement that I wasn't really well acquainted with. There will always be strange new things that pop up, legendary implements, particularly cruel versions of something familiar, but this was all around strange to me, and only accompanied by a whole host of stories. I could see it there, mocking me. I knew what Mr. Allen was going to do to me with it, but I didn't know how it would feel. I could imagine, or so I thought. My heart pounded hard. I was sweating a little. 

Fear.

Em came forward and put her hand out, supporting it with the other one. She had obviously done this before. Mr. Allen lifted the tawse and brought it down against her palm in a motion that didn't even look particularly aggressive or violent. There was obviously finesse involved in it, but the thing seemed to be mostly carried by gravity. Em reacted much less strongly than I would have expected, shaking her hand a bit, and exclaiming verbally, but then she swapped her hands and took her second stroke, repeated the same level of reaction, thanked Mr. Allen and then went to spectate. I was trembling as I walked forward to take the position at the front of the line, even though her reaction hadn't been all that bad. Mr. Allen instructed me regarding how to position my hands, then he said:

"This is going to hurt very, very much. Don't move your hand." 

There's nothing like telling me that something is going to hurt to get into my head. Such a simple thing, usually the honest truth, but I have almost no defense against it. It melts my toughness. My heart pounded and pounded. Then Mr. Allen raised the tawse and brought it down on my palm.

Then I exploded. 

Or so I felt. I at least screamed a little.  I had never, ever, ever felt something that hurt so much. Not the longest, hardest caning in my history. Not a heavy ebony hairbrush on my thighs. Not being smacked on the tender areas near the backs of my knees. Nothing hurt like this. It was nauseating.  It was disorienting. I don't remember moving, but I discovered that I had my hand clutched between my thighs, because it was the sort of pain that I simply had to apply pressure to. There was no other choice. Holy. Fuck. I trembled. 

"Other hand," Mr. Allen instructed. I looked up at him pleadingly, but he had a stern and serious face. That confidence and his unbending nature comforted me, pacifying me enough to stand up straight again and put my other hand out. I forced it as far away from my body as I could, looking away to avert my eyes from what was going to happen.

Pain.

That's what happened. I crumbled, sort of bent in half, rocking and rubbing my aching, burning, terribly sore hands together. I knew that there was a crowd of people around, that we were playing in a suite, but I wasn't aware of anything around me. Just the hurting. It was all that my mind could process. I didn't even feel entirely in control of the parts of my body that I normally am, unsure of how to breathe or move my muscles. 

"I can't take two more," I told Mr. Allen. This was huge. I'm horribly proud. It's rare for me to beg, to protest, or try to get out of something. I am, after all, the kind of girl who intentionally gets herself into situations like this. But here, I felt that I had met my match. This hurt too much. I wasn't tough enough for two more. I just couldn't. There was no way. I shook my head, tears soaking down my face and gathering on my sweater. 

"You can and you will," Mr. Allen told me. "You're going to. Put your hand out." 

I wanted to protest more. I couldn't. I might die. I might *actually* explode. My hands might come off. I was entirely beyond rationality. Instead, I felt comforted by his statement, and my panic started to fade. I felt the tranquility of being out of control, feelings of comfort in the inevitable that I had been taught to embrace long ago. I could do this. I could. 

I put my first hand out again. It already felt about twice it's usual size. I closed my eyes and tried to relax into what was going to happen. I shrieked anyway, quickly devolving into sobs again. 

Somehow, I got my other hand up without having to be coaxed, with Mr. Allen praised me for before bringing the tawse down the last time. This one felt like the worst one, both my hands swollen and red and sore, my world illuminated with a white strike of agony. I fell to my knees with both hands clutched between my thighs, trying to press the hurt out of them, trying to squeeze them back to feeling their normal size. I was concerned for a moment that I might throw up, but I recovered remarkably quickly as a powerful, almighty rush of endorphins came and took me over. Mr. Allen went away for a moment and returned with a bowl of ice. I buried my hands in it, and I felt infinitely better. 

"You took that well," he said as he comforted me. I laughed. 

"No, I really didn't." I think it was the least well I had ever taken anything.

"Well, you took it. That's something," he said with a supportive smile. 

He told me that he knew that there was no way that I was going to be alright with myself if I didn't take the second half of the tawsing, which is why he had been so insistent.I didn't feel like weakness left me and afterwards, that hollow space left was inflated with strength. I felt all the things in me, the feelings and the vulnerability harden into an unbreakable, positive core. I felt safe. I felt like myself. I felt like everything that had been dark had been illuminated.  I was very glad for this. I needed it. I needed that extra push. I was proud of myself in this moment, although I did acknowledge somewhere that this was no longer a limitation in my mind, and it could potentially happen again, but I tucked that away in case I ever needed something to be afraid of. :P 

To give insult to injury, it was now time for Bad Alex to get her hands tawsed. She took her four strokes without event, without struggle, with hardly even any sound. She gave 0 fucks about the exact same experience that had just knocked me off my feet, literally. 

Fuck you, Bad Alex. (Note: I love Bad Alex. She's a wonderful friend. But fuck you for having a better pain tolerance than I do, and for your ability to get me into trouble no matter what.) 

At least she didn't gloat. Much. 

♥

BBW, continued

I find it tremendously difficult to write about spanking parties after the fact. 
So. Much. Happens. It's hard for me to tell what things are interesting and worth writing about and what things are needless details. It's also unfortunate that I never really get around to writing about them as soon as they happen, as I tend to have quite the backlog. So, I'll do the best that I can. If I don't mention a fond memory that I shared with you there, please don't be hurt. It probably means a lot to me, too. 

The first thing that I clearly remember about Thursday of BBW was Richard Windsor's pool party. I was full of bounce and excitement that afternoon, and I spent lots of time with Pandora again, making up for all the time that we had been apart. We splashed around in the pool a bunch, and later moved into the world's biggest hot tub*. Here, I ran into my friends Korey and James Johnson (of Stormy Night Publications) and we got to catch up. I hadn't seen them since July, and we had lots to talk about, including reminiscing about a most ridiculous night at CCM and, once again, discussing How To Have Two Concubines For Five Dollars A Day®. Korey and I engaged in lots of girl talk, which continued out of the pool and into the changing room. Eventually, Pandora had someplace to be so she took off, and I got dressed and headed out of the pool.

I actually wore jeans at a spanking party. No one died. Amazing!

I wandered off somewhere and ran into my friend BradD. Brad and I had known each other for a long time over the internet, and he's always been really kind and supportive towards me. We'd hung out briefly at other parties, and he was meant to go to my cabin party but unfortunately fell ill and couldn't make it. As things went, we had never played together. Now seemed like as good a time as ever, so we headed up to his room. We chatted a bit more before things moved rather seamlessly to me being over his lap. I hadn't played yet at this party, and Brad was very kind about warming me up gently, first spanking me over my jeans. I don't get spanked over jeans often, since I much prefer to run around in skirts at parties, but I do very much like the feeling of it. There's basically no stinginess and just the feeling of impact, which is very similar to the way that my mind interprets spankings once I've falled into a subspace type mental state. Because of this association, the "over the jeans" spanking made me very passive. Soon, though, Brad had me get up and he took my jeans down before returning me to position, where he commented that he liked my underwear. That's always points in my book right there. He then spanked me over it, and I was quite surprised by the difference. His hands are big and firm, and he was very effective at spanking with them. I squirmed a bit, but my attitude was mostly giggly, as we were both in very high spirits and he was simply spanking me because we both enjoyed it, and we both enjoyed each other. I love a huge variety of types of spankings, but there's something very pure about that type. We do the thing because we love the thing. 

When the spanking was completed, I felt simultaneously properly warmed up to play for the rest of the party and delightfully close to Brad. It really was ideal. Unfortunately  I didn't get to see much more of him for the rest of the party, so I was glad that we got that time, and it started things on the right foot for me.

Shortly after I left Brad's room, I got a text from Lucy letting me know that she and Stephen had arrived and were in their room. Lucy and I had been texting while we were both in New York, but our schedules hadn't lined up (largely because of my running around) so I hadn't seen her since I left her and Paul's house in England nearly a month ago. I headed up to their room and had hugs, plus the showing off of fancy fabric that Lucy had purchased in the garment district and the return of all the stuff I had left in England because it didn't fit in my suitcase, despite Lucy's nigh godlike packing ability. It was very nice to catch up with her and Stephen, as I'd missed being around them since I left England. From there, I think I went to see The Bad Alex, Latte and Josh, but I'm not clear on this order of events in the least anymore. I know that I did get to see them, and that I told Latte that I was pleased to meet her, as I do every time I see her, since the second time that we hung out I was half drunk and another half asleep and temporarily had no memory of our first meeting. It was good to see her and Alex again, though, and immediately I got up to mischief with them. It was also lovely to meet Josh, as we'd corresponded online for quite some time, and he was really, truly nice in person. I also got to meet a girl named Feisty, who clearly lived up to her name. :)

I'm usually really quite good. Really, I am. At one point, though, when Josh started spanking someone, I decided that some of the implements in the room were just to mean for the public eye, so I hid a couple of them.

No one noticed that I did it. That's the benefit of usually being so good: people don't watch you as closely.

I then texted Alex from across the room to let her know that I'd been up to something already, and she swore up, down and backwards not to tell if I told her what I'd done. Because I trusted her, I did. Instantly, she threw me under the bus. INSTANTLY. She didn't even give me time to get my fingers off my phone's keyboard. What a "great friend."

"Hey Josh! Alex hid your cane." Alex said. I was shocked and appalled, and sheepishly returned it. Of course, I got whacked with it. That's how this works. That doesn't mean I didn't protest, and most of my angst was about what a horrible, lying tattletale Alex is (like a lot of my friends, it seems).
[Dear Bad Alex: fuck you. Love, Good Alex.][There is a message to Bad Alex in invisible ink there. Don't read it if you think that I should be nice to my friends on the internet.]

I think it was after this that we went down to the Burger Bar area for registration and hanging out, where I got to see a bunch more people that I was quite excited about. I spent that entire portion of the evening flittering around from group to group, trying to see everyone and catch up. Finally, YS texted me that he and ellee had arrived, and I literally ran to the room number he had sent. There were hugs and very quick cuddles, as it was approaching an event that they needed to be at. It was lovely to see them. They're some of my favorite people.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur. There was a mass spanking of several of my friends for some sort of prank that I wasn't entirely aware of, but which was very entertaining to watch. It was especially visually appealing to watch the portion that involved YS spanking Beth, as YS is a joy to watch while he's hitting woman. He moves his body in a way that looks strong and powerful, and he has a smug look of satisfaction on the entire time. After the event was over, the group dispersed and I don't really remember what I did, but I'm sure it involved running around and probably getting spanked. As the evening drew on, Pandora mentioned that she wanted to spank me before she went to bed so I climbed over her lap. She was wearing the most ridiculously wonderful dress ever, which she had purchased while we were on the boardwalk earlier in the day (I just don't remember when that was). It was low cut and tight to her body and made her ass look perfect. I hadn't been able to keep my hands off her all night. It was very nice to lie over her lap while she was dressed this way. And by "very nice" I mean "it was hot." Pandora spanked me with her hand while I giggled and moaned over he lap, and I felt very nicely connected to her. As Pandora noted in her post, it was only made less than perfect by a bystander commenting about how cute it was that there were two little girls spanking each other. Shut up. This is serious business. Well, maybe not, but it's still no less serious than any one else's play, and certainly not something to patronize us over.

As the night wore on and I was getting tired for bed, YS decided that it was time for him to "get me," much to my delight. Not so much to my delight, he had found a cracker barrel type paddle (I think) that was one of the most evil things I've ever met in that manner. He bent me over a spanking bench and began to spank me with his hand first, and then with this horrible thing. As usual, he spanked me hard. As usual, I wailed and cried. I felt a bit odd about doing this with people around, especially since PTL had previously been asleep on the sofa pretty close to where my face ended up being, but eventually I lost myself in it. At times, I felt myself panic, tighten, feeling unable to take it but YS reassured me in his usual way: "You're okay. You're a sweet girl" and this softened me up to take more. When he finally stopped, I felt swollen and bruised (although I didn't really look too much worse for the wear, due to my body's natural magic these days) and we shared a cuddle. I also felt sleepy. Tremendously sleepy. It was late. So I headed off to bed, looking forward to another day of adventures. ♥


*hyperbole.

Part 3: Making it Real

So, I realize that everyone has read about a dozen accounts of the party I'm describing in this series of posts already. For the rest of the narrative  I'm going to do my best to focus on the things that were of personal significance to me, not just give a running list of what exciting things happened, which is sort of my impulse in this situation. The stories to be contained are things that I would have written about if they happened in another context, and many of them took place behind closed doors so even others who attended the party will be getting the details for the first time, so I hope I don't bore you too much!

When I left off in my last post, YS and ellee had just arrived and we were about to go pick them up from the airport.
We did just that. Lily, Robert and I got there a little bit earlier than YS and ellee did, though, so we did several "victory laps" around the airport while we waited. We had a nice time of it and just chatted about various things. We all enjoy one and others' company, so it wasn't that bad to wait. Finally, I saw them appear on the curb and I hardly even waited for Robert to stop the car before racing out and hugging them. They were obviously a bit tired from their trip, so I *tried* to tone down my excitement a bit, at least until we got to the hotel. Once we got to Joe and Ten's suite, everyone wanted to see ellee (as they should, for she is brilliant, sweet, clever, a very good girl, funny, loving, adorable and a knock out to look at, and I feel lucky to have such a wonderful girl as a friend) so I tried to sort of hang back and give them a little space. YS was called up to the suite where Beth Eisley and PTL were staying in order to discuss one of Beth's pieces of mischief (and to say hi, of course) so I kind of paired with Sophie again for a bit.

I was having a lot of feels. I'm a bit embarrassed about them, but they were there and they were relevant. I was simultaneously worked up into a sort of manic state from all the excitement, and worrying that I was being too invasive, and above all else, I was feeling insecure. Parties do that to me sometimes. I worry that people don't like me as much as I like them, or that I'm shockingly socially awkward despite my best efforts, or I start comparing myself to my friends and peers negatively. I know that all those feelings are pretty stupid and I've been very well educated in how to choose to feel secure, to acknowledge the bad stuff and focus on the good and get on with enjoying my life (which I did shortly thereafter). At that moment, I was having a moment. Sophie got me back to an even keel, though. She's a very good friend.

I felt a little bit sheepish when YS did come back into the main party room, but his response was exactly what I needed. He found me pretty directly and then told ellee: "I want to spank Alex." I was pretty immediately pacified by this. He lead me off into one of the bedrooms. I think someone else might have been playing on the other bed, but I had mental blinders on and I was aware of no distractions. He sat on the bed and put me over his knee as my heart pounded. Then he gently rubbed my bottom for a little bit as we talked. "This feels so right," he said, and I agreed enthusiastically. We talked about how much time had passed, and how close we'd been able to grow without actually seeing each other. Then he began to spank me.

Sometimes, when I'm emotional, a spanking has to go on for a bit before it brings me to my baseline and from there it can go upwards. Sometimes, when I'm in a really bad way, all it can do is return me to my center. This wasn't like that. I felt immediately relieved of my anxiety, and my worries and my awkwardness and I felt my mood begin to elevate, bringing me into a notably good place.

I knew that this was right. That I belonged there. That, in that moment, in that time and place I belonged to him.

I knew that this was real.

I don't mean that our D/s relationship hadn't been real before he spanked me, but this additional component brought it to a place that felt significantly different (and yes, better) to me. A lot of my most significant D/s interactions with all of my Bosses Of Me have taken place in a long distance setting. Still, there was something wonderfully right about being there with him, being in position over his knee and receiving a spanking from him. I felt safe and secure. My memories of this have a sort of shiny feeling about them, as if my mind has tagged them as positive and warm.

Eventually, he moved me so that I was just lying on the bed and got up. He started to take his belt off. "This is a new belt," he told me. "No one has ever been spanked with it before. I just took the label off upstairs." I felt very special at this news, and I felt a lot of positive apprehension.

While I've previously had mixed feelings about leather implements and I've gone through periods of time where that was an emotional struggle for me (more on that in another post), I've always loved it when YS hit me with a belt. When I first met him, his Fetlife profile image was this:

It is totally normal for me to have saved this photo to my computer. Hush.

When I first started in the scene, I used to think that belt-spanking felt a little bit abusive, and I wasn't at a point where I could kind of delight in that darkness or "own" negative memories. This picture was the first thing that made me question that. It's just... hot. Domly and manly and perfect. He's just got the ideal belting energy for whatever reason. To this day, that photo makes my stomach feel a bit fluttery.

From the first time that we met at the first cabin party, I've wanted YS to spank me with his belt, and he's always been happy to oblige me. This moment was no exception. I hugged a pillow and pushed my bottom up to prepare to receive it. My memory does not perceive the spanking as having been particularly hard, but more as being endorphine-y and enjoyable. At one point, he caught me rather firmly across my sit spot and I opened my mouth to whimper or protest, but the sound which came out instead was "Thank you, Sir."

This is something that Malignus taught me to intentionally say to keep myself focused on submission instead of starting to resist. If I tell myself that I want it, it becomes much easier to take and to take well. In this case, I hadn't even intended to do it. It just came out because it was the right thing to say.
"Spontaneous thanking. I like that," YS said with a smile in his voice. It added to the warm and safe feeling that was dominating my brain at the moment.

I don't remember the scene actually ending. I know that somehow I found myself being cuddled and comforted, and being very pleased with the soreness in my bottom and the fact that YS had put it there.

He told me that I was a sweet girl and stroked my hair a bit, and I responded with a much shyer "Thank you, Sir."

When we came out, ellee was happy and excited on my behalf, bouncing around with compersion. It made me grin. I knew that the rest of the party was going to be wonderful.
♥

The Adventure Continues: Roleplaying

I'm still alive! Safe and sound at Pandora Blake's flat in London. I've had lots and lots of adventures recently, and little time to sit down and write about them. Fortunately for me, Pandora has kind of Topped me into stopping being distracted and getting some writing done. Huzzah!

I left off on my story about the Vegas trip with the end of Thursday night, and I shall continue from there.

On Friday, I woke up in bed with Joe and Ten, which was a really nice feeling. There was a little more morning snuggling and chatting and then we got to work packing up all the things, because we were switching to a different room that day. A hotel bell hop came to help us move stuff, and we had the following conversation.

Him: Are you guys getting married (referring to me and Joe).
Me: (blushing) No!
Him: Haha! She doesn't want to marry you!

Obviously, that was too complex of a situation to explain to a stranger at that moment.

Him: So, what ARE you doing?
Joe: We're just fifty freaky people having a party.

Apparently, later in the day, when others were moving in this same hotel employee asked them if they were some of the "fifty freaks," which gave rise to a new name for our little gathering.

After helping with move in, I had my only working engagement for the weekend, which went swimmingly. When I finished, I started trying to figure out who was where. This was a little difficult because I didn't know where anyone's room was besides Joe and Ten and there was no other central gathering place. It turned out that a lot of my friends were hanging out elsewhere, so I spent a bit of time with Whooperine, and then a bit more with Sophie Grey. Despite the fact that I was having fun, most of my thought process for the day can be summed up this way:

YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! YS and ellee will be here tonight! 

My excitement over seeing them was a little excessive, but I think it was justified. I basically believe that ellee and I have to see each other regularly or else we'll both die. Twin-drop can be terminal if not treated quickly enough. The time that we spend together is always beyond pleasant and I love having adventures, appreciating cute things, cuddling and getting spanked with her. We have our serious conversations, too, of course, and since we've known each other she has remained one of my most trusted confidents and a source of very useful advice.

As I mentioned before, YS and I hadn't gotten to see each other at all since we began our D/s dynamic in October. We've had lots of important conversations and found ways to engage that are really fulfilling and gratifying, but I was really looking forward to having propinquity with him. I was also really looking forward to being spanked by him again, especially now that we have our power dynamic. In fact, I hadn't been as excited about being spanked by someone since I was en route for my first ever visit with Malignus all that time ago. I spent a lot of the day alternating between bouncing and looking at the time on my phone.

That evening, everyone gathered in Joe and Ten's new suite, which was just lovely. The facilities were perfect for a group of our size and there were plenty of places available for playing. I got to spend some time chatting with various people who I like, including Lily Starr, Richard Windsor and Erica Scott.

Lily Starr and I in our adorable dresses :)

Now, as I previously mentioned, I had gotten myself into massive amounts of trouble with Richard and I was feeling very nervous about that (in a positive way). I really wanted to be spanked by him before said trouble, though. This was partially to sort of mentally warm up for the caning I'd be getting later that weekend and partially just because I've really liked and admired him for a long time, and that's what I want from Tops who I like and admire. :P

I'm still working on making my interest in being spanked by someone known, especially at a party. In general, I don't like being too bratty. I don't like to be a bad girl. I do know that the whole "I'm constantly good! Look how good I am!" routine gets old pretty quickly. So, I've been trying to find a balance between being humorously bratty with people who I know are comfortable with that without being actually "bad." Some of my early attempts with this didn't actually go the way that I would have liked them to, but that simply meant that more work was needed at finding the balance, not that it was time to give up. I decided to try again.

One piece of banter which has been enjoyable on Fetlife was the idea of "The 43 Minute Rule." This is basically just a bunch of girls teasing Rich because once he posted a new topic to "The Spanking World: Good vs. Bad" but then complained that 43 minutes later, it didn't have any comments on it, so he took it down. This lead to the idea that 43 minutes was the requisite time frame in which one must respond to anything. I'd been kind of abusing this particular banter, but it was funny, and there was something kind of daring about bringing it up again, because this whole situation is what lead to me getting myself into the trouble that I was waiting to be caned for in the first place.

While talking to Rich, I casually said: "You know, we've been at this party for a lot longer than 43 minutes."

"Are you saying that you want a spanking?" he asked. I smiled a little bit shyly.

"Yes," I acknowledged. He then took me over to the couch and put me over his lap. He started spanking me first through my dress, which didn't have too strong of an affect on me, and then through my slip. I was really glad that he noticed that. I like to wear dresses with slips and most people kind of just shove them out of the way along with the dress, but I think that the lifting of the dress and then the slip and then the lowering of the panties can be a really lovely anticipation building mechanism besides giving a kind of nice, retro feeling to a scene. Anyway, the spanking wasn't too hard, but it was really perfect for what it was. He scolded me while spanking me about how much trouble I was going to be in later, and it made my stomach flutter even more. He also let me wear his hat while he spanked me:

Thank you, Richard!

Later that evening, I spent some time talking to both Heather (all references to Heather in this post refer to PTL, Heather Green is not involved in this story) and Mike (spank33) about a roleplaying scene that I was interested in doing. It was mostly between me and Mike, but because he and Heather have a complex and wonderful roleplaying situation already, we decided that ours would sort of set in the same universe as theirs. We talked about what I wanted from it, and what our characters would be. The whole thing was a little bit divergent from my usual spanking scenes in a way that was really refreshing to me. We decided that I would do something to act out and break one of our pre-established rules and that he would then catch me and correct me for it. I discussed with Heather, and she agreed to help me out a bit. I waited a while so it would catch Mike off guard and then I left and went down to the Casino. After a bit, Heather went up to Mike.

"I'm really worried about Alex!" she told him (obviously roleplaying). "She just took off and didn't say where she was going. She's not answering my texts. I think she's gambling!"

Mike and Heather then took off to look for me. I had texted Heather and told her where I was "hiding" so that they could easily find me. Once they had, Heather began to rant about how worried she had been and how irresponsible I was, with Mike directing me upstairs with some quiet but serious sounding scolding (the whole thing was done in a way that was not noticeable or disturbing to vanilla people). Once we got into the elevator, things got a bit more heated and I was basically petulant and entirely non-repentant. When we got back upstairs, he sent Heather to go back to the party but took me to his room for a "serious discussion." My heart was pounding a bit, but I kept trying to play my character as nonchalant and whining. I even did a little foot stomp when he told me to get over his lap, and I insisted that I hadn't done anything wrong and that the rules were unfair and stupid. It wasn't until about halfway through the spanking that I finally let that be broken down and I became repentant and contrite. The scene went really, really well, and we were both happy with it. After we finished, he walked me back to Joe and Ten's room and once we ended roleplay mode, I happily shared the story with Heather.

Although my usual preferences for spanking remain the same, I'm very glad to have added the ability to enjoy roleplaying to my repertoire of enjoyable spanking atmospheres. I like it because it allows for me to connect with someone on an intense level at that particular moment without having to have a deep relationship. It allows me to get things out of my system which wouldn't be appropriate in other scenarios (a great use for all those lines that pop into my head but which I swallow down because the situation is serious). It involves lots of creativity and humor, which are always great. And it's fun. I always enjoy fun.

The evening continued to move on, although at a pace which felt very slow to me due to my excitement. Finally, it was time for us to go pick up ellee and YS from the airport, where the story will continue in my next post. :)

A Wonderful Arrival

I've had so many adventures now that I have to push myself to get the posts out before the memories begin to fade. I'll be doing two kinds of posts while working on this: the "party report" type posts that tell you what happened when and where and at least three "scene stories" that do a more intimate look at a particular spanking and what it meant to me. Stay. Tuned.
That said, I'm currently in Europe, so my posting schedule might be a bit erratic. I'm obviously going to do my best. :)

After many exciting adventures in Los Angeles, including spending a great deal of time with Mila Kohl, I got on my plane and headed for Las Vegas. I've been there twice before: once with Malignus and Heather Green for tourism purposes and once for Shadowlane. When I arrived, Lily Starr and Robert Wolf were kind enough to pick me up and bring me back to the hotel. I was energetic and apprehensive in a positive way. I had a lot of people that I was looking forward to seeing and I had built anticipation for several scenes. There were people I'd be finally getting to play with, friends I hadn't seen in a long time and, of course, YS. You may remember that back in October I reported that I had begun a D/s relationship with him. There have been several times since then when I've talked a little bit here and there about certain aspects of that dynamic. Still, I hadn't actually seen him since we began that, and I was really, really looking forward to that. I kept bouncing around the backseat of the car and talking way too quickly. I also felt physically a bit gross, though. Even though my flight was very short, it had a broken air conditioning system and I was seated next to two middle school age boys: not people known for their excellent personal hygiene. I was looking forward to freshening up.

While we were en route to the hotel, we got a call and were asked to go to Dana Kane's place to pick up Princess Kelley. We did that, and I was happy to get to see Dana, her wonderful husband and their sweet cat, Noodle for a minute. Hugs all around! I am really hoping that I'll get to see Dana at some point next month. She's just one of my favorite people. :)

When we arrived at the hotel, we took all my luggage (as seen in the last post) up to Joe and Ten's suite. I was spending Thursday night with them, and planning on moving in with YS and ellee when they arrived on Friday. Because the room where I was staying was also the party room, I was going to have to see everyone for a moment before I could get showered and changed. We knocked on the door and it was opened... by Richard Windsor.

Now, for those of you who don't know, I'd basically spent the past month or so being a very badly behaved girl towards him over the internet for the purpose of funsies. The whole thing will require at least one post of it's own, but it's the stuff of legend, in my humble opinion. There will be poems and songs for generations. :P

Anticipation building via twitter earlier that day

Over the last couple of days leading up to the party my "being bad is fun!" bubble had popped and I was very contrite and apprehensive towards the chastisement that I knew I'd be receiving, and I felt rather shy around Mr. Windsor when I first arrived. We had about five seconds of friendly, positive interaction, yet it gave me a whole new case of butterflies. I then ran around the room saying hi to everyone. I was pleasantly surprised to see Whooperine there. I had no idea that he was coming, and it was the best news ever. I basically catapulted into his arms and gave him a kiss. At this point, though I had reached a state of sweaty mania and I was running from person to person, hugging and bouncing and being overly energetic and entirely unpresentable looking. My hair was a mess and I had on JEANS (curse the day!) so I gathered up my bathroom stuff and snuck off to get presentable. I intentionally calmed myself down in the shower (doing all the "be here, now" stuff that Malignus has lovingly instilled in me over the years) and felt much better after getting myself cleaned up and put together. I got into a skirt and top and went back to the party. At this point Richard had vacated the room, which I found slightly disappointing as I'd had liked to make sure he didn't think I was running away from him out of fear or something, but basically everyone else was still there. After a little more talking, I had a new goal: I needed to pop the lid off this spanking thing.

I ended up starting my party play for the weekend with Robert. This was a somewhat unusual choice on my part. There are two factors that go into how hard a person spanks me. The first is a combination of that person's preference and ability. This is the Top's side of consent: we can only play as hard as (s)he is able to play and desires to. The second factor is my comfort with that person. The more I know someone, the more comfortable I am with being spanked severely by them. Malignus obviously gets the highest possible score in this system, being both a very mean sadist and one of the loves of my life. Robert is pretty close to the top, though. We've developed a great bond over the years and, to put it bluntly, he's mean as fuck (in a good way). He's one of the people I've played with the hardest, period. So he's not someone that I usually would consider asking to be nice to me. It's almost mean to him! "Here, Robert! I'm going to get over your lap and whimper and squirm as you spank me and I DON'T want you to make it all that hard!" is like telling me "Here, Alex! I'm going to give you this cute bunny and I DON'T want you to cuddle it." The spanking was really nice, though. He clearly restrained himself out of the heart-age. (Note: I am not implying that Robert murderizes every girl he plays with. That's just our relationship). After that, I sat on his lap and snuggled for a while as I talked to him and Lily. I felt really good: happy, content and surrounded by people I love.

Just a few minutes later, I was over Drlectr's lap for another spanking. Drlectr is really special to me, and I love being spanked by him. I adore knowing that he's probably got a grin on his face that he can't stop while he lays into me, and his lap is one of those where I feel the safest and snuggliest. I think that I also abused my snuggling-on-someone's-lap-after-a-spanking privileges after that scene, too.

My last play for the night took place when H, Cali Katerina's husband, decided to catch up with me over this photo:

I stuck this little gem of Christy Cutie, myself and Maddy Marks on Twitter a little while ago with the caption "Sterwood Girls gone wild!" The three of us all shoot for Sternwood Academy, so it seemed like a funny idea since we were all half naked and partying.

"You're a Sternwood Girl!" H reprimanded me, clearly in roleplay mode. "You should know better than to be running off to wild parties! You'll disgrace the institution!"

I was then bent over for a good, firm but not too firm paddling until I confessed the errors of my ways.
Everyone knows that I am a very good girl who does not do ridiculous things at parties, anyway.
Yes, I'm sure that's what the next few posts will prove.
♥

Colospanko, Part 2

The other day, I noticed that things had gotten out of hand with my lack of blogging. Blogging had ceased to be a regular thing and become something that happened once in a while. I, of course, blamed this largely on the fact that I'm almost never home these days, but even that isn't really an excuse. I can write when I'm busy. It just takes a certain level of dedication. Fortunately, I have a fairly new Boss of Me: my bestie, ellee's husband, YS (his name is YoggSothoth on fetlife, but I find that too long to type). Included in my new set of rules for this relationship is the fact that I'll be updating at least twice a week. I'll also point out that YS has given me bunny related coloring as an assignment and this, my friends, is why Poly D/s works: because that's the kind of thing that makes Malignus die inside.

 That said, I was very excited to see that my first half of my adventures in Colorado (which took place over a month ago, now, I'm ashamed to say) was featured on Chross the weekend after I posted it. Unfortunately, I started to write my next post while traveling home from my second Denver excursion. Following Denver, I was home for a few days with my most beloved Malignus. I spent as much of that time as I could with him, and the rest cleaning things up, organizing and preparing for my next trip. I then left for Chicago Crimson Moon, and then a day off at Ten Amorette's place. I arrived home late Tuesday night and had a crazy first week back with my attempts to get caught up on a lot of things and settle back into the home routine.


When I left off, I believe I had told you all about how a very mean Robert had cut switches, and how we had brought them back to the house where Malignus had also used said dreaded arboreal implement on me. After he finished with me, I'm pretty sure he also switched Heather W. He then started looking around for Amoni, but couldn't find her. ellee informed him that she had broken her ankle and gone to the hospital. Several minutes later, she was found hiding in the secret room under the stairs. I suppose she intended to stay there for the entire party. It wasn't the worst plan, really. ellee probably could have brought her food to keep her alive for the rest of the weekend. Unfortunately, in a house with a room called "the secret room," it's pretty easy to figure out where someone might go for a hiding place. She was quickly dragged out and brought to justice over the ping pong table. It turned into quite an event, with many people sitting on the beanbag chairs in that were intended for watching TV in order to view much more interesting programming. Other girls were enlisted to hold Amoni's hands and feet, as she's a very active bottom ("This isn't jazzercise!" Malignus had exclaimed earlier while Amoni was getting spanked by Robert and kept kicking her feet up). After Amoni had been thoroughly dealt with, she got hugged by just about everyone. Later, ellee was also corrected for her part in attempting to create a subterfuge regarding Amoni's location. :)

Shortly after that, we all kind of plopped on the bean bags to talk and hang out. Malignus still had his switch in hand. This is something that he tends to do at a party-- he'll just hold onto an implement for a while. I suppose it's a "just in case" kind of thing, or maybe it's meant to intimidate the heck out of all the girls in a room (which works on me, at least). I was sitting in a dress, with my legs visible  and I had one of my terrible thoughts. Sometimes, the morbid curiosity of something really gets the best of me. As much as I know I'm not going to like what I discover, I sometimes want to know how something feels badly enough that I'll ask for something downright awful. Besides, active submission is always a good thing, and I've always gotten a lot out of asking for the most awful of things, when I can muster the courage to do so. Anyway, I asked him to hit me on the front of my thighs with the switch. He did so three times, making me cry and yelp quite a bit. There was hugging, and I rubbed my welts, feelings sufficiently like I now knew what that felt like. I've spent a lot of time thinking about the differences between switches and canes of various types, and I think I've finally come to the conclusion that switches are not as bad as nearly all canes, but are very similar in sensation. The exception to this, of course, is when a switch is not entirely "clean" and has little nodules on it which scratch or tear the skin, or when the switch in question is made of rawhide, which is entirely unacceptable. I was going over these thoughts in my mind after my thigh switching when Malignus decided that there was "too much of a gap" between two of the welts. Instead of fixing this "problem" with the switch, he got a rattan cane and ordered me to lie back. I believe there was extremely minor protesting (mostly sad faces, perhaps a few whimpers) but I did as I was told.
The pain was considerable. It filled my body with adrenaline immediately. I think I sort of folded onto myself.
"Oh, no! I missed and hit you right on your welt from the switch!" Malignus said. (Note: he did not actually miss. He never actually misses. "Misses" are just an excuse to give me extra strokes.) Being as good as I could, I lay still for another stroke, this one seeming much harder than the last. I sat still catching my breath a bit before getting lots of hugs time and cuddles. It was one of "those" things. I just hated it while it was happening. It was the worst thing ever. I wasn't even that fond of the physical feeling afterwards. But everything about it felt perfect. I felt wonderfully submissive and very Dominated (which are, to me, distinct feelings, since I can feel submissive all on my own) as well as warm with affection, adrenaline and endorphines. I can't exactly describe why I love that sort of thing so much, but I do.

I think that in the upper right hand corner, Malignus is threatening to poke the welts with the corner of his cigarette box.

Another thing which was super entertaining, whose location in time I can't properly place, was when Heather W. spanked me. For those of you who don't know, Heather W (or Parttimelondoner, or PTL) is a minor boss of me. I say "minor" because she doesn't really boss me full time. She just occasionally gets the urge, and when she gets the urge her bossiness is very real. She has also been a wonderful role model for me, as she is older and more experienced in things, has great social skills and is very talented at knowing when and where "bling" is appropriate. Anyway, she had always threatened to spank me with a flip flop, so on the way to the cabin from the airport, she and ellee, YS and Zoey stopped at Walmart to pick up a few extra things. One of those was a "special" pair of flip flops for Heather to spank me with. Apparently there was a lot of consideration put into this, and she made sure not to get one which was "too mean" for me.  Later at the cabin, she sat down next to Malignus on the coach and I lay over both their laps while she spanked me with the flip flop.

SCRUNCHY FACE!

After this was complete, Heather handed the flip flop off to Malignus, and that happened. Yep, the scariest man on Earth spanked me with a fluffy, pink flip flop. And it still hurt.

Over panties with kitties on them, no less! Parties are different than the real world. :P

A few days after the cabin trip was over, I was leaving for a trip to Los Angeles. When I pointed this out to Lily and Robert, they invited me to go to Disneyland with them, and this actually appeared that it would work out! It was something that I got excited about a few times a day. Then, one night, Robert pulled me upstairs to spank me (or I pounced him and demanded he beat me. Somewhere in the middle of those two things, I guess). I know that he enjoys listening to my pathetic wails and, most of all, my crying, so I didn't hold back. Besides, he spanks hard, and it's well documented that a hairbrush on the back of my thighs has long been my nemesis. So, he spanked me hard and murdered my thighs thoroughly and I cried and sniffled. When it was over and he stood me up for a hug, he tussled my hair and said "We're going to Disneyland!"
Best. Aftercare. Ever.

I had *bruises*! Rare! 

On the last night, we were all spread out in the cabin, doing our own things. Then someone suggested that we make s'mores, and I got everything together. I actually didn't know much about roasting marshmallows, so YS took the time to show me how to do it perfectly. I always feel special and loved when someone is teaching me something. Unfortunately, once I got some perfect marshmallows going, no one was coming over to eat s'mores. I got mad. And I got Toppy. And, apparently, slightly crazy. I yelled out to the house the following message: "THE FIRST RULE OF S'MORES IS YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP AND COME HERE AND EAT S'MORES."
Only one person did.
I'm not good at being the boss. -_-

A final, lovely memory is getting one of the nicest spankings of my life. At one point, YS put me over his lap and gave me a hand spanking that must have lasted 40 minutes. I just let go of all other things and blissed out over his lap. I felt safe and comfortable and protected while being in that most vulnerable of positions. He alternated between being rhythmic and soothing and hard enough to make me squirm and I floated away into one the happiest of places. It was really one of the nicest things ever. I'm constantly fascinated and amazed by how much awesome variety can come under the heading of "spanking." The same activity can last 40 minutes and make me coo or bring genuine tears to my eyes in five seconds or less, and I love all of it (in it's own way).

Anyway, the cabin was a great success, except for the fact that getting everyone back to the airport was a huge fiasco and we bought way too much food. But, if those were the biggest problems of the weekend, I'm pretty okay with that. ♥