The Care and Keeping of a Frequently Spanked Bottom

I don't know if you guys have noticed this or not, but I get spanked a lot. I almost always get a spanking at bedtime, and more often than not, I find myself getting some sort of impromptu spanking in addition to that.

The other day, one of my friends asked me how I manage to keep my butt from falling off when I get spanked so damn much (and often, so damn hard). It's a challenge, I will tell you! When I first moved in with Malignus and I was adapting to getting spanked so often, plus my skin was outraged at the change in climate and this "winter" thing that was happening, I had some problems with weird, hard, dried out skin on my bottom and thighs. Over the past couple of months, though, I've perfected my butt-skincare regime, which I will now share with all of you! I've written this in the form of instructions, but I certainly don't think that I'm the shining beacon of right in the black night of wrongness. I'm very open to suggestion, or to being ignored entirely. :P

Step 1: Lotion.

Lotion is a spanko bottom's BFF. There are a lot of kinds of lotion available-- there are special aftercare lotions offered by some places that sell implements and there are billions of types of lotion offered in stores. What should a spanko look for in a lotion? You probably want an unscented and uncolored lotion. Pretty, sparkly, nice smelling stuff tends to have things in it that cause irritation, and that's contrary to the cause of making the skin on your butt nice. If you're getting spanked, you already have enough butt irritation in your life. There are a couple of ingredients that are particularly good for the skin- Collagen Elastin is one and Vitamin E is another.

Personally, I use this: St. Ives Skin Renewing Lotion.

I do want to point out that products containing Collagen Elastin are generally very not vegan. I use this, because I am not a vegan and if my skin can be made better by slatering on stuff that came from some other skin, then I'm okay with that. :D

I've also had great success with Vitamin E Body Butter from The Body Shop. This is actually vegan, for all you vegan spankos.

Now that you've selected an excellent lotion, you need to use it. I suggest using it every morning and night, after every time that you shower, take a bath or otherwise emerse yourself in water and every time you get a spanking. I try to keep up with doing it that often and it works out well for me. The point of lotion is to keep your skin healthy and moisturized, and to keep it both strong and soft. It makes your skin less likely to break during a spanking, because most people don't want a bloody butt, and it also keeps the texture from feeling dry and gross.

Step 2: Baths

I take warm baths in order to relax. I also find it to be very good for my skin: it makes all the dead skin soften up and makes exfoliation (coming up!) easier, and if your skin has become hard from a spanking, it helps it to soften in the deeper layers. I also use Colloidal Oatmeal in my baths. Pretty much everyone I've offered this to says that it's lame, but it's incredibly soothing. It makes your skin feel wonderfully soft, too. Most importantly, you know how if you eat a really spicy dish and your mouth hurts, drinking water will actually make it worse? You're supposed to eat bread? My friend, Peachy, just told me that if you make a paste of Colloidal Oatmeal and rub it on your butt, it can help to neutralize the effects of capsaicin in the same way (if you are sad and unfortunate enough to have it put there by a sadist). I haven't actually tested this myself, but the theory behind it is sound. The most common brand of Colloidal Oatmeal is Aveeno. That is what I use.

Most things that say that they are good for sunburns are also good post-spanking, jsyk!

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT OATMEAL BATHS: be sure to clean out your tub after you drain all the water out, or else the residue from the oatmeal ends up looking like you got drunk and puked in your tub. You might want to keep this in mind if you ever want to do a prank that involves making it look like someone got drunk and puked in the tub, though. (I know how you brats are, with your pranking!)

Step 3: Exfoliation

Depending on how much of a callous you get on your butt, you might need to exfoliate a little or a lot. A little bit of exfoliation would be kind of scrubbing with a washcloth or a sponge in the shower. A medium amount involves actually using the brush side of a bath brush (WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT?!) or a loofa (also in the shower.) Personally, because I fear getting a calloused butt and I get spanked ALL THE TIME, I've taken to using the gentler side of a foot-file while I'm in the bath. If it hurts, you're being too rough (so, the opposite of the way things usually are). After you exfoliate, use moar lotion.

THIS IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT: DO NOT exfoliate just after a hard scene. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT. Even a little. Don't even rub a washcloth on your butt. You know what will happen? Your skin will all come off. That is what will happen. I may or may not have discovered that the hard way.

Afterthought: Arnica and bruise reduction

Most spankos seem to swear by arnica for healing bruises. Healing bruises is not part of skin care, but I am going to talk about it right now anyway, because it *is* part of butt care. Personally, there is only one time when I care about healing up my bruises, and that's when I'm modeling. In my day to day life, I like to have a bruised bottom. It makes me happy. That said: the times that I've used arnica in its various forms, I have seen no measurable improvement in the healing time on my bruising. What DOES seem to work well is using ice immediately after a spanking (but not if you're getting spanked more that night, ugh!) and massaging my butt a lot. Hand spankings count as a massage.

That's all I've got. How do you do your butt-care? Do you have any tips or tricks that I left off? Let me know in the comments!