In the middle of April, I left for New York to visit my surviving biological brother and shoot for Kelly Payne's Tantrum Trainers before heading down to Atlantic City for Boardwalk Badness Weekend. I used to live in the New York area when I was a bit younger, and I grew up between Upstate New York and Southern New Jersey, so both places were a bit of a homecoming. My New York schedule was very tight packed indeed, and I didn't really do a lot of socializing or visiting except with my brother. The most important thing that I did in New York was eat pizza. I did this literally every day that I was there. Growing up with the finest pizza on Earth really spoiled me, and going off into the world to discover that it kind of sucked everywhere else was the hugest disappointment that came with leaving home. The first time that I bit into a slice during this visit, I literally cried with happiness. I also was delighted that the weather was much nicer than it had been in Sioux Falls. I swapped snow for snocones, and was filled was joy.
|Snocones are one of my top 25 joys in life.|
Besides eating a tremendously unbalanced diet, the other highlight of this trip was, of course, filming. Kelly Payne was truly lovely, and I really hope to work with her again soon. The film that we did was challenging, though. I did it fully voluntarily, but it was very, very long (certainly the longest thing I've ever filmed without breaks) and had several things outside of my usual comfort zone. Thematically, it was about me being a prisoner in a women's prison, where I was being interrogated about who was sourcing me drugs that I was distributing. I obviously refused to give this information up, resulting in lots of wicked things needing to be done to me to get me to that point. When I eventually *did* break down and give up my source (a lovely model named Ashely Rose, who appears in the sequel) my tourment didn't stop, as the guards (played by Kelly and Miss Daisa) went on to punish me for having been so difficult in the first place, which hit every possible "terribly unfair!" button in my mind. The scene involved traditional spanking, flogging, caning and hairbrush spanking, all of which hurt quite a bit, although the hairbrush was by far the most difficult, as it was done at the very end. You know who thinks that a hairbrush over welts doesn't hurt? Nobody. :P
You can view promotional stills here. Be aware that these stills were taken during blocking, so that's why you can't see that anything bad has happened to me yet. :P
The film fell only partly into my new "Dark and horrible" category, as my character was a real bitch, so it didn't feel particularly victimizing. It did hit on another point that I've come to enjoy: resistance. I naturally don't resist when I'm being spanked, and if I do, it's minor. Why would I? I love being spanked, and the majority of my harder play has been in a submission oriented environment, where resistance isn't appropriate in the least. I've struggled with trying to resist less and less, with learning to be entirely passive, to try to keep myself still and relaxed thru challenging stuff. As I've expanded my horizons in terms of what types of scenes I enjoy, I've found that it's refreshing to me to do things that are drastically different than what I usually do. Being resistant, struggling, protesting, disobeying et cetera (in a film or a play situation where this is negotiated as acceptable) is sort of relieving. I don't have to try to be good. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to worry that if I work myself up too much, the scene will stop. That makes me feel both a sense of security and a sense of freedom, which is a nice mix.
After spending an enjoyable few days, I got on a bus to head down to Atlantic City on Wednesday night. I lived in Atlantic City when I was a teenager, and I spent a considerable portion of time there with my brother who passed away. I hadn't been back in many years. I had a lot of emotions when I was taking the bus down, as it was the same trip I often used to take with a sense of desperation, as I often returned to A.C. in my earlier days in order to run from something. It was invigorating that I was going there feeling safe, to see people that I deeply cared for and to have adventures.
When I arrived, I walked up the boardwalk to the hotel and got set up for the night. I was staying with Tomdiscp and _Morgan that evening, and it was already fairly late when I arrived. I was all gross from traveling, so I took a nice, long bath while I waited for room service to come and bring me dinner. I had an enjoyable meal after that, during which time I discovered that Richard Windsor was already at the party, so I figured it would be nice to get to socialize with him a bit before things took off and he got really busy. I went down to the bar to meet him, only to discover that Pandora was also already there. This was a most delightful combination of people, and lots of hugging ensued. Rich let me wear his hat, as he sometimes does, and then he did something which made me feel tremendously special: he left the bar for a minute to do something and left his hat with me. Richard is very protective of his hat, as it's something very precious to him, and it made me feel very trusted indeed that he would leave it with me, if only for a few minutes. It was wonderful to see Pandora again, as I missed her horribly since I had left her apartment in London about a month beforehand. We engaged in some of the time honored activity of "girls kissing in a bar," which lead to a bit of staring that didn't bother either of us. Then the bar closed, so the three of us joined a group of people going up to Mike Stien's room. I hadn't met Mike Stien before, but he was lovely, and I enjoyed chatting with him as well as the others. There was a lot of couch cuddling, which made me feel safe and delighted.
|This is kind of a silly photo, but I feel that it carries a lot of affection :)|
I was a very bad influence on poor Pandora, who had wanted to go to bed early to fix her sleep cycle a bit. I kept her up until the early morning, when she finally had the good sense to stop listening to me and get some sleep. Rich and I chatted a bit more after that, and I eventually returned to the room where I was staying and snuck in to get a bit of rest, as I had several very full days ahead of me. :)
I'll continue in another post very soon! In the meanwhile, I need to get back to my adventuring. ♥