Missing Persons

On a daily basis, I happily answer questions about lots of different things in my comments, ask box on tumblr and email. Usually, these questions are related to logistical things (where can I find a particular video, when will you next be visiting my area et cetera) or questions about my life, history and interests (which implements I prefer to be spanked with, whether I was spanked as a child or not, how I got into the scene et cetera). I do my best to answer everything that I get, although questions that are too personal or that request information which isn't mine to give out get skipped over. There is a pair of similar questions that I consistently get, and I'm going to answer them on the public forum so that the information gets out there.  That said, because I'm discussing people other than myself, these answers are intentionally vague.

The first question is "What happened to Heather Green/Michaels? Is she ever going to make more videos?"

Usually people sound a bit worried about Heather's video making cessation, and ask if she's alright.
Heather is doing quite well, but has retired from modeling. She's happily living out some of her life's greatest dreams at the moment, and has chosen to stop doing films in order to focus on her vanilla pursuits. Heather still has one unreleased video that I know of: a scene that I'm also in which will be coming out on Northern Spanking at some point in the fairly near future. That said, she won't be making any new films, so that will likely be the last "new" Heather Green release. We'll all miss seeing videos from her, but I'm very glad that she's happy and well. ^_^

The second question, similar in nature is "What happened to Spanking Debs and Firm Discipline? Where can I purchase those videos?"

Firm Discipline is currently off-line and the content that was held therein is not available for purchase anywhere at the moment. Debs has taken a break and stepped back from video production. I don't know if this is permanent or if she'll be back. I also don't know when or where the existing content will be available again. I'm under the impression that it will be for sale again at some point, although I don't know the specifics. I'll post more information when I have it. In the meantime, you'll just have to wait and see what happens. I'm sorry I can't tell you more, I honestly don't know the answers to this. Several people have asked me if I can distribute the Firm Discipline scenes that include me. The answers is that I am not able to do that. Sorry!

I know that this is a far less interesting post than that which I usually have! I just wanted to share this information and let you all know the answers to these questions. If you have any other questions (about anything, really) feel free to leave them in the comments or email me at alexinspankingland@gmail.com
♥

KOTW: Experiments with Bastinado

I did one "Kink of the Week" post during the summer, and since then, I haven't participated.
This is just because I was having a hard enough time keeping up with my regular posting, let alone try to add in something with a *gasp* deadline!

For those of you who don't know, Kink of the Week (or KOTW) is a feature on my friend Jade's blog. Every week, she posts a particular "kink" as the theme. These things are sometimes activities, materials, practices, ideas et cetera that a person might fetishize or enjoy as part of their kink play. She then invites other bloggers to write up their opinion, interests, ideas or "take" on this topic. Everyone's links are posted to the KOTW page, so readers can get a variety of opinions on one topic.

It's a bit hard for me to write these posts sometimes because I see my kink play as being fairly limited because my fetishistic interests are pretty straight forward compared to some people. That said, I have dabbled in a lot of things and I do have thoughts on basically everything. That's the beauty of having a brain, isn't it? :P More importantly, I like the *idea* of KOTW. I like having a variety of minds come together and describe their thoughts and feelings. I like the fact that instead of it being a thread on a forum somewhere or a place where you can comment on her blog, Jade allows us each to showcase our own work. We write and format our posts in the style that's natural and comfortable for us, and we do it in our own spaces on the internet. When we invite others to read our KOTW posts, it draws attention to each person's blog or site and allows us to find people whose thoughts and words are powerful and important but who we would not normally encounter.

For these reasons, I've decided that I'm going to try to make myself write about the KOTW topic each and every week, though, even when the kink is something that I don't fetishize or usually practice. I don't know how much I'll have to say about these topics, or how great my post will be, but we'll try it.

Relatedly, this week's topic is Bastinado.

Bastinado isn't something that I've ever fantasized about. I think this is probably because even though it's a traditional form of corporal punishment, it's very removed from the domestic/institutional corporal punishment base of my fantasies. It feels darker, to me, but it doesn't fit with the dark parts which draw me in. In general, the basis of my darker interests is always a change in theme or intensity, not a change in the style of play. Then there's the fact that my feet are very sensitive and because I'm very clumsy, I've injured them a lot of times. There's nothing particularly exciting about a sensation that I associate with accidentally hurting myself.

Still, I've experimented with getting hit on the feet on two different occasions. The first was during the very start of my relationship with Malignus. During the time that we first started sceneing together, we tried a lot of things that I had never done before, many of which we would never do again, just for the sake of experimentation and new experiences. One day, while we were hanging out in his living room (this was before we lived together), he grabbed my foot and applied a sharp smack to the bottom of it with a wooden spoon. I found the sensation of this to be something which I can only describe with one word: "invasive." I don't mean that it was invasive to my personal comfort zone that he did that or anything like that. I found the pain to be invading my body in a way that I'd never experienced. Because the hurting traveled up the body of my foot, the feeling seemed more akin to a foreign object entering me in a place where it wasn't meant to than just feeling sore. I thrashed around, trying to shake the feeling out of my foot. This kind of sensation made me very uncomfortable and almost a little disturbed, like some shockwave of hurt was wiggling around in my body.
We never did that again.

Target? 

The second time that I experimented with this was very recently. Someone with whom I was playing asked if he could hit my feet very gently. I decided to try it, to see if gentler, more percussive sensations would be different. Besides, it had been years since my previous attempt at it, and my tolerance for different sensations had increased. So we tried it. He used a leather paddle to lightly strike the bottoms of my feet, avoiding the arch and the toes. I wouldn't call the sensation pleasant, but I didn't have the same reaction that I did last time. It felt very similar to being struck on the hand, although it was being done in a much less intense way than my previous hand-striking experiences. It hurt, and but it radiated in a traditional pattern. Afterwards, it felt a bit odd to walk around on tender feet, but the feeling dissipated quickly.

Maybe you could give warmup strokes over socks, to make a foot-baring ritual and borrow from the spanking routine?

I don't see myself playing this way much in the future, but I am starting to understand why people who enjoy it might. I think that for some, the unusual, almost exotic nature of it could be exciting. Of course, if you're into feet, then that's a huge bonus. One of my friends described the feeling of being caned on the soles of her feet as sending shockwaves through her body which felt similar to the sensations that she felt during orgasm, and therefore she finds it tremendously arousing. I would imagine that both this positive reaction and my initial negative reaction would have been caused by the layout of nerves in the foot: she's just getting struck on nicer feeling ones than I was. Or perhaps they're the same and the feeling that I found invasive and frightening feeling excite her.

I've mentioned this idea before, but I always find it very humbling when I play around in a kink other than my own. I can get to feeling very tough indeed when it comes to taking spankings. I can have a very high tolerance (I say "can" because in a vulnerable situation my tolerance is laughably low). It almost fills me with awe at how much things hurt me that *aren't* on my bottom or thighs, and my bastinado play experiments are a good example of that. Still, I think that when I want that feeling of being shocked by how painful something is, I think I'll stick to something that I find thematically more interesting (like my hands).  ♥

A Very Long Walk

I'm back!
FINALLY!
I've never let this blog sit around uncared for for such a long time. I finally have the basic pieces of my life in order now, though: my house is nearly unpacked, I have most of the furniture that I require and all of my appliances, my cats are happily adjusted to the new home and, perhaps most importantly, I finally have internet. It took them two weeks to get around to setting it up. It was ridiculous. I got tremendously behind on everything that I needed to do, since nearly all of it involves being online.
I'm finally getting caught up now. It's very time consuming.

But life is good.

Paul and I are growing into a comfortable lifestyle as things get settled. Like everyone else in the world, we spend most of our days doing our respective jobs, but we both do large parts of that from home so we spend a lot of time together. I make dinner nearly every night and do lots of baking, which makes me happy. Between work and chores and making cookies, there's time for me to do the silly things that I like, such as drawing with sidewalk chalk, chasing my cats around and doing craft projects such as making foxes out of paper.

Two dozen cookies from scratch, one dozen foxes from construction paper

After I made them, Paul used string to carefully hang them from the weeping branches of the tree in our yard, whose trunk is wrapped with tiny, solar powered Christmas lights. Our mail box is matte black, so I color on it with the sidewalk chalk. We have a pumpkin on our stoop and yellow flowers growing in a planter. It's so incredibly obvious that I live here. It's a very happy house.

Paul and I have grown very comfortably into having D/s as part of our daily lives instead of maintaining a long distance relationship, probably partially because the foundation that we built during the time that we were long distance was so strong. Aiding in the ease of this transition is the fact that we both have a very strong and well defined idea of what we want from one such relationship and that those ideas are very much in line (see also, our compatibility). I'm sure that being seriously in love doesn't hurt, either.

Just as our daily life has become very domesticated, our daily kink life has, too, in a way that I find infinitely comforting. Spanking fits into our daily life seamlessly. It's the most natural thing in the world. Our bedtime ritual involves me getting spanked each night as a re-affirmative act, but spankings just happen throughout the day, too, whether it's taking a break from work for spontaneous play or setting time aside to address something more serious.

Interestingly, now that I'm living in a location where I have a lot more kinky friends and scene activities to participate in, I've found myself much more involved and interested in my vanilla life. I've been reconnecting with old friends, doing personal writing projects, doing craft projects, doing more baking and more experimental cooking and just generally rediscovering interests that I had put aside.

One thing that I really like is walking. That sounds like a very lame thing to like, doesn't it? I do, though. In college, Zeki and I used to walk huge distances, sometimes passing through two or three towns, or even out of the county. We'd talk and share stories. Some of our best mutual ideas were fostered during these walks. Other days, I would walk by myself, usually on a shady trail that followed the Bronx River. I would get deeply involved in daydreaming and often make up spanking stories in my head or review others that I really enjoyed, sometimes from films, sometimes from my own limited experiences with SF.

The other day I decided to go take a walk, since I needed to talk to someone on the phone I get antsy when I'm just sitting still when I'm on the phone. Paul was working in the study, so I told him I'd be back shortly. I did plan to be back shortly. Maybe I didn't really plan at all, because I was wearing jelly flip-flops and I didn't have any water with me and it was a particularly dry, hot day. None the less, my conversation ended pretty quickly, but I kept walking for a while, daydreaming happily like I used to do. I realized that I was walking in the direction of a particular major road where Target is located, and I decided that it would be neat if I walked all the way there. It's about a mile away from my house, so it was certainly feasible-- I've done 8 - 10 mile walks in the past. I needed to go there anyway, and I estimated that I was about halfway there already. I'd walk the rest of the way, get the hangers I needed and then walk home.

Unfortunately, I wasn't actually walking the way that I thought I was.

Two miles later, I was hot, dehydrated and tired. My feet were incredibly sore and seriously blistered. I decided that I needed to give up and turn around.

I tried to walk home, but I got about six blocks before I realized that there was no way I could possibly do that. I was tired. I needed a drink. This was a stupid idea.

I slowly began to realize how poorly I had planned this. Why did I think it was a good idea to walk in the heat without water or proper shoes? I hadn't even told Paul where I was going, and he was under the impression I was going to be back shortly. I realized that I'd been gone for nearly an hour. Under the strap of my sandal, my feet looked like they were about to bleed.

It was then that I realized I was going to have to ask Paul to come get me in the car. It was also then that I realized that I was probably going to be in pretty serious trouble. Taking care of myself is pretty much rule #1. This was a serious failure in that department.

Well, fuck.

Paul agreed to come get me without really saying anything about it, but as soon as I got into the car, I knew that he was seriously displeased with me.

"Are you mad?" I asked, my voice small and meek.
"You're going to be punished when we get home" was his only response. We drove back in silence. I could do nothing but think about how thoughtless this had been. I'd interrupted Paul's working. I had entirely failed at taking care of myself. Tears ran down my face, and I sniffled a bit.

As soon as we got in the door, Paul turned to me and said "Go to your room." I went into our bedroom and flopped on the bed. I didn't want to stand up. My feet hurt too much. I was hot. I was tired. I was in big, big trouble. I lay there like a lump, doing an activity which really can't be described as anything but "sulking." In the seeming eternity (but actually one or two minutes) before Paul came in I could hear him moving around in the kitchen. Then I heard the sound of a cabinet being opened and shut again, and my heart began to pound.

There's a shallow, white cabinet in the kitchen. It's separated from the other kitchen cupboards and obviously original to the house, but it's only about three inches deep. I'm not sure what it was used for, but it's become the official storage place for some of our meanest implements.

I wanted to mope about the fact that I was about to be seriously corrected, but I couldn't bring myself to. I knew that I deserved it. Still, my tummy hurt.

Paul finally came into the room holding a cane. I had sort of known that was going to be the end of this story from the moment that I realized that I had messed up so badly, but the reality of the situation was sinking in very quickly.

In addition to feeling upset about how thoughtless my actions were, I had been really focused on worrying that Paul was mad at me for inconveniencing him. Having to stop your work to go rescue a silly girl who got herself into a mess is bound to annoy anyone. But once he began to scold me, I realized that he was much more upset about the fact that something bad could have happened to me. I felt very loved as he lectured me about thinking before I did things and taking care of myself. I could feel how precious I am to him, and how he won't let any harm come to me, even through my own poor judgement.

Then he ordered me over the bed and began to spank me. While technically a warmup, he started hard and furiously. In my tired, vulnerable state, I pretty instantly started to sob hard, offering absolutely no emotional resistance to the spanking. I needed it. I knew that.

I felt impossibly sore after the warm up, but this was probably mostly because of my mental state at the time. Then Paul ordered me to kneel up on the bed, which I did quickly. I kept my feet off the edge of the bed because they had gotten filthy as I was walking around on the dusty sidewalks in flip flops. Paul noticed this, too, and said "You'll clean your feet after this," which I quietly affirmed through my tears. "Get down on your elbows," he told me, and this made me cry harder, but I did as I was told. This position means only one thing: strokes to the tender area where my thighs and bottom meet. Paul then tapped my bottom with the cane before simply saying "Ten."

The first stroke startled me into some sort of clarity for a second, although after the initial crack, during that long moment when the pain begins to built and develop, I felt overtaken by hurting and began to cry again. The next two or three were quickly paced-- no time for one to finish building before the next and I could make no attempt at processing them. I wailed. After five strokes, he gave me a little break, pressing his hand against the welts in the same motion that I do when a beating is over. The pressure seems to hold the pain in for a moment. I caught my breath, but didn't slow my sobbing.

The next two strokes were to that aforementioned tender area. I did my best not to yell, but I felt an overpowering warmth: burning, biting, pinching, gnawing heat. The rest of the strokes came in quick succession, and after each one, my cries became louder and more desperate.

It's a very good thing that we live in a house instead of an apartment. I'm....noisy.

When the whole thing was over, Paul immediately sat down on the bed and pulled me onto his lap, holding me close to him. I wiped tears all over my face in some attempt of cleaning myself up and apologized over and over. He stroked my hair and told me he forgave me.

Part of our protocol surrounding scenes is that I always thank him for spanking me. This is something that I initiated because it makes me feel very submissive in the best way. After being soundly punished I felt a bit shy to say this this time, but I managed it out in a coy whisper. "Good girl," he told me, kissing my forehead. I sat there on his lap for a long time, entirely vulnerable, my bottom aching and burning but my tears drying. I felt lucky to be so loved. I was filled with contentment.

Finally, I felt calm enough to get up and get myself properly cleaned up. I rinsed my feet off and then climbed into a cool bath, the water still feeling tingly and antagonistic against my welts. I was glad, though. I didn't want them to be fully soothed. I didn't stop to take a picture of the lines, but they were impressive: perfectly parallel and close enough together that they very nearly touched, but not quite.

Anyway, I'm back now. I'll be updating one to two times a week, as I used to. I've missed writing, and I hope you've missed reading.♥

Don't Worry! I'm Still Here!

It's been one of the longest gaps between posts that I've ever had on this blog.
I'm still here, I promise. I've just been in a transition period in my life.

About five weeks ago, I left South Dakota with everything I owned there packed into my sedan. From there, I drove to Denver, where I visited with Amoni and shot some absolutely amazing scenes (including two outdoor scenes) for Real Spankings.  From Denver, I drove straight through to Dallas, which is the longest stretch of driving I've ever done alone and in one go. After a few days of recovery from that, I spent some time visiting with a variety of awesome friends, doing some shopping and eating the greatest BBQ in all the land. I love the time that I spend in Texas. I got to do some filming, too, including stuff for Firm Discipline (still awaiting it's return to the internet), Amateur Spankings and a few others! Mila and I hung out a bit, too, then I picked her up and we drove to Vegas for Shadowlane. Driving to Vegas was a long and kind of ridiculous process, but it was amazingly fun, too. The whole backseat of my car was packed solid:

We had misadventures, sisterly arguments, played car games, sang along to a lot of music, ate snacks and did other roadtriply things. We also spent a night with Heather Green and her fiance, who happened to be in the area, which was lovely! Of course, I had to get naked in nature at some point during the trip:

After that, we did eventually arrive in Vegas, where good times were had by all. I'm horrible at writing about parties, and I feel like everyone already has a good idea what Shadowlane was like from all the awesome reports that have been posted, so I'm not going to try to add to it. I will point out that I had a wonderfully fun shoot for Triple A while I was there! It had been a long time since I saw John ("The Chief") and I was very pleased to get to spend time with him again. I really enjoy filming with him for his site because he has a high tolerance for my ridiculous ideas and we often end up making things that are a bit wacky, but very hot as well. To add to the awesomeness, we filmed with Maddy Marks and Christy Cutie as well. These girls are two of my best friends, and it's very exciting that now we're all living in the same city. There will certainly be NO TROUBLE coming from that whatsoever! Anyway, during filming we were all in high spirits and I got into one of my brattiest moods ever captured on film, answering back to everything and showing minimal contrition. I shamelessly stole these photos from John's blog. Thanks, Mr. Osborne!

Maddy and I wrestling and play-fighting, as sisterly girls are known to do! 

I finally got to kiss Christy on film! We've giggled about doing this for a long time now. We're dressed this way because we were trying to get ready for a Halloween party, so you'll probably see this film sometime next month!

Naughtiest cheerleaders ever? Check! 

Question: What do girls do in their school common rooms? Answer: look at each other's panties, of course! Knowing all three of us, this isn't even far removed from the truth. ^_^

The shoot was crazy fun, and we got really lovely content. I'm quite excited to see it released!

After the party was over, we took one extra day in Vegas to walk around on the strip. Mila, Maddy, Christy and I were chaperoned around by Maddy's boyfriend, Siq. There's a lot of alcohol available in Vegas, it turns out, and I got..errr...day drunk. Kind of immediately. Before lunch. I'm SUCH A WINNER. Lunch did me a lot of good, though, and we had fun exploring for the rest of the day. The four of us girls were impeccably behaved, of course, and there was no whining, fighting, biting or public spanking of one and other, and I CERTAINLY didn't make us walk approximately two miles in search of lions that no longer exist. Honestly. I promise.

The next day, Mila and I drove on to Los Angeles, where Mila visited with Raffos and Zeki for a couple of days, including an adventure to Little Tokyo in Lolita attire:

After I said goodbye to my dear and beloved sister and she was returned to Texas, I slowly but surely began the process of getting settled and creating stability. Paul arrived a couple days after Mila left, as we've moved in together. I know this is kind of a big thing for me to throw in as a side note, but we've both had a lot of changes in our lives recently, and we've been building a wonderful life together. Originally, we intended to live Downtown, in the same building as Raffos and Zeki, but we ultimately decided that it was not quite enough space, and a bit too urban for what we wanted and we found an adorable house in the valley. It's been quite a process getting set up: moving everything from storage lockers, figuring out what we needed to buy and doing so, getting back my dear and beloved cats and getting them settled, cleaning, unboxing, organizing, tracking down and buying new appliances and, perhaps the most daunting task: learning to drive in Los Angeles. So far, we're both doing quite well with it! There's been plenty of spanking happening, too, and I'll tell some more stories about that soon, but I can't rightfully make a post here without including at least one picture of my reddened bottom, so here's a teaser for the next post:

Making a long story short, Bad Alex got me in trouble because she's a whore. 

Speaking of the next post, I'm not positive when I'll be able to return to my usual schedule: I don't have internet at my new house yet. The ISP can't set it up until October 2nd 0_0. Awful! How will I live?! I've written this post while visiting over at R and Z's place. So, I'll do my best, but I'm not making any promises!
♥