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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Shit (Spanko) Girls Say

A couple weeks ago, I was introduced to Shit Girls Say and it was full of win. It's funny because it's so true (which is a phrase I'm pretty sure is on the list) and I catch myself saying those things all the time, even though I don't see myself as a typical girl. Being an incorrigible spanko, I've been compiling a similar list of things that spanko bottom girls say. The majority of this is based on stuff that HeatherFeather, Naomi and I say to each other and to our respective tops. 

I present to you, the first installment of "Shit (Spanko) Girls Say."

"That really hurt!"
"Why are you so mean?!"
"He totally murdered me!"
"I can't believe I bought this!"
"Will you take a picture of my butt?"
"No! Not that!"
"Hey, let's go look at hairbrushes."
"I can't believe you would do that!"
"You tricked me!"
"That looks mean."
"You could spank someone with that!"
"Do we have any lotion?"
"I'm still shaking!"
"I need a hug."
"Woah, this is really heavy."
"You said we were done!"
"Are you spanking me again tonight?"
"If we do that, then we're gonna get caught!" 
"Not there!"
"That's the inside of my thigh!"
"Way to throw me under the bus."
"I'm in so much trouble, so I wanted to talk to you before I get killed."
"What is that even MADE OF?"
"Do I have to?"
"I need new panties."
"She looked awkward. I wonder if she's a spanko, too."
"This is really flexible."
"He looked at me funny. I'm pretty sure he knows."
"Can you still see marks on me?"
"Do we have an ice pack?"
"It was totally not my fault."
"That's where the tip of it hit me."
"I can't sleep. I need a spanking."
"Look at all my tears!"
"I WISH that would break!"
"Do you think you could spank someone with a bird perch?"
"Are you still sore, too?"
"When you were a kid, did you look it up in the dictionary?" 
"OMG, I felt that way, too!"
"Do we have time to go to the kitchen section?"
"Do you really want to buy that?"
"I'm using arnica, do you want some?"
"Then he told me to... actually, I can't repeat that. Ugh."
"It was too horrible for words!"
"It's bulletproof. It can't break. I'm stuck with it."
"He wouldn't do that... would he?!"
"It was seriously like I was on fire."
"Quit exaggerating! It was only like, 20 strokes!"
"Awww, you poor thing!"
"Ugh, I hate saying that word."
"Does my butt look good at this angle?"
"Someone's here. Talk vanilla!"
"I wish I marked more!"
"I wish I didn't mark so much!"
"He's so horrible! I love him!"
"What are we going to tell them it's for if they ask?"
"I cried SO HARD."
"I like your butt better than mine."
"I want that, but I'm scared."
"He uses that on you?!"
"I didn't even get a warm up!"
"Wait! What are you doing?!"
"I'm not ready yet!"
"I can hardly sit."
"I kept waking up because I rolled over."
"It's been so long since I got spanked! I'm dying!"
"Wanna see my welts?"
"Grab something else, I don't want to just buy this."
"Let's go to the bathroom so I can show you what happened."
"Then he was like 'Go get the hairbrush' and I died." 
"Bye! Been nice knowin' ya!"
"Then his voice got all low and serious..."
"If you're a wuss then I don't know what I am."
"We have different definitions of 'bad.'"
"It was not as bad as I expected."
"It was way worse than I thought it would be."
"But what if he does?!"
"Sorry I'm being like this. I haven't been spanked in weeks!"
"Sorry, I was in the corner."
"Ugh, she cries fake."
"I wish she would close her legs while getting spanked."
"Did you see that one guy's hands?"
"We have time to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond still."
"I can't decide if I'm excited or terrified."
"He wanted to have sex with me. Ew."
"My panties came all the way off and now I can't find them."
"I'm sick. You can't spank me."
"What was that for?!"
"I thought it was never going to be over!"
"One sec, I have to make a sandwich."
"I don't want to ask for it though."
"I hope no one could hear me."
"That's a regular thing to say, right? Not a spanking thing?"
"He's into sensation play, though."
"I could just really use a good spanking right now."
"Have you ever seen a bruise look like this before?"
"I'm hiding this."
"Can you take paddles through Airport Security?"
"I'm really sore."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I want him to spank me with it."
"Want to hear something horrible that happened?"
"Okay, we have an hour. We can get it done before he gets home."
"I like getting spanked with you!"
"He has a good rhythm."
"He'd make a good top."
"I have no sense of self preservation."
"That's not even safe!"
"I'm getting a doctor's note about that."
"It just wasn't a good scene."
"He's just not mean enough."
"That was WAY TOO MEAN."
"I think I have a blister."
"You're never doing that again, right?"
"Are these panties too slutty for spanking?"
"Yeah, but she's into like, bondage and wax play and stuff."
"I can't believe you said that to him!"
"This scene could use a spanking."
"You know whose butt her butt looks like?"
"Sometimes I just want to be around spankos, you know?"
"Hit HER with it now!"
"I can hardly fit my butt in my jeans, it's so swollen." 
"That's not aftercare, that's torture!"
"I'm not done crying yet."
"I wish I was snarky like you."
"I'm just way too good."
"Awww, he did that because he loves you!"
"I don't want to pick."
"Okay! I'm doing it! You don't need to get the cane!"
"He was being really mean about it. It was so cute."
"You're not spanking me again, are you?"
"Seeing that hurt ME!"
"You're so red! I'm jealous!"
"I changed my mind! I don't want another!"
"Do you have time to spank me before work?"
"Am I walking funny?"
"Not the thighs!"
"Wait, you're not really going to do that, are you?"
"That really, really hurt!" 

This is the entire collection for tonight. Feel free to add to the list in the comments section, giving it your particular brand of spanko flare :D


  1. Dag. That is one long amazing list. Hmmmmm I wonder how many tops can go through with a marker and say "I've heard that one, and that one and that one......" Awesome post. I'm sure a sequel is forthcoming.

  2. ""You know whose butt her butt looks like?""

    I'm quite sure that's a quote from me!

  3. I very much love this list! I can't think of any to add at the moment because i am somewhat sleep deprived, but I don't get to talk spanko girl speak very often so mine would be inner monologue type. Thank you for the smile :)

  4. "Someone's here, talk vanilla!" Hahahaha! "Let's go to the bathroom so I can show you what happened." Yeah, I've done that. I regularly tell a friend of mine that he's so mean, followed by "please don't kill me!" I've also asked "On a scale of one to toast, how dead am I?" on more than one occasion. Great stuff.

  5. @BV- Thanks :) I always appreciate your commenting!
    @Peachy Keane- Yeah, that's totally you :D
    @jenna kins- Glad you liked it! We should talk on IM or something. I say a lot of this stuff over the internet, especially before Heather and I were living together. :)
    @Lea - I LOVE "On a scale of one to toast!" That's so funny. I'm totally gonna say that now.