TASSP!

Well, I'm back to writing about happy spanking related things! Yay!
The first thing on my list of things that I need to tell you about is a very big deal indeed: my first national spanking party!

I wasn't originally planning to go to the Texas All State Spanking Party. I hadn't been to a big party before, and I figured that money would be too tight, so I was going to look past it with a sigh like I had previously done with all parties until Heather told me that she was going to be going to attending and invited Malignus and I to come as well. I looked into how much plane tickets would cost and was surprised that I actually had enough money to afford them. Heather and her boyfriend, Taylor, shared a room with Malignus and I, and the party fees and hotel rooms were really well priced. So, at close to the last minute, we made our plans to go. I booked a few shoots to help with the costs and Malignus and I made plans to have a booth at the vendor fair for the Malex Modeling Agency. That's our new business that we've been working furiously on for a while now: a spanking modeling agency that works with spanking video producers and spanking models. We planned to go public with this at the TASSP vendor fair and spent lots of time getting our promotional materials in order. You'll hear lots more about the agency later on.

We were flying out of Omaha, so the plan for getting to the party involved waking up at midnight to leave Sioux Falls at 1 AM to get to Omaha by 4 AM to make our flight, and it put us in Dallas around 8 AM on Friday. This meant that I was supposed to go to bed as soon as I got home from work, but I couldn't sleep a wink. I was just too excited about the party. I packed and did chores around the house and cleaned out my car in order to kill time, but when I woke Malignus up around 9 PM, he insisted that I force myself to sleep. I don't know if I ever actually did drop off. I planned to sleep during his turn driving to the airport. I didn't really sleep then, either. On the plane, I had to share a seat with strangers who kept rubbing up against me in ways that woke me up, so I didn't really get any rest there, either. I was somehow still bouncy and full of energy when I was picked up at the airport by a couple of friends.

We drove to the hotel, but stopped on the way to eat breakfast at a diner. I was very surprised that you can apparently smoke indoors in some parts of Texas. I don't usually smoke, but I had fun doing that. Whee!

We got to the hotel, dropped our stuff off at our friends' room (since we couldn't check in for a few more hours and didn't want to until we met up with Heather anyway) and then went to register. I was very nervous at this point, because I was about to meet lots of people who I'd never met before all at once. As soon as I opened up the door to the registration suite, though, I was greeted by Pandora Blake, who shouted "ALEX!" and hugged me. I was very relieved to run into her right away, since we've been friends online for a while now. We read each others blogs and tweet back and forth and were excited about meeting each other, and just seeing her really put me at ease. We got all checked in and then headed back to our friends' room for a much needed nap.

We got up for our nap in time for me to meet up with Heather and give her a huge hug. I've really missed having her around, and we got to reconnect and spend lots of time together during TASSP. We got checked into our room and I proceeded to throw my things all over the floor in search of school girl clothing, because it was time for Sarah Gregory's Naughty School Girl Party. First, I asked Malignus to give me a warmup spanking, because I hadn't been spanked for a few days leading up to the party and didn't want to be spanked cold during the event! He gladly did this, although his idea of a warmup was very hard and fast. Still, I felt both warm and loved when he finished, and I was ready for the party. This event was lots of fun: female bottoms dressed up in their school day best and were taught lessons by a host of tops who were dressed as priests and nuns. I would have preferred for them to be dressed in suits (more like the way Dana Kane looked when we were shooting for Sternwood Academy) because I'm squicked by religious figures. It's mostly because of my philsophical views, but I don't fetishize them at all, and I'm just not at ease around them. That said, I let that go and focused on being bratty with Heather, Christy Cutie and a new friend I'd just met named Zoe. First, we had to line up to have our skirts measured by Dana Spect. The skirt I was wearing was a real school skirt, and it came down nearly to my knees, unlike many of the sexy skirts other girls had on. After holding a ruler up to me, Dana lead me to the front of the room and announced that I was an example of a good girl and that my skirt was what the other girls should aim to look like. I was beaming with pride. Praised in front of everyone? Yes please!

I did quickly realize that being a goody-goody-Hermione-Granger type wasn't going to get me very much attention with everyone else throwing pieces of paper, launching darts and sneaking beer into the classroom, though, so I figured I had to do something at least a little naughty at a naughty school girl party. I had a package of Fun Dip in my purse which Malignus had won for me the last time we'd gone to the arcade together, so we started eating that very obviously while we were supposed to be learning. Heather, Zoe and I were quickly pulled aside and given OTK spankings and warned not to eat any more candy in class. It was the first time I've ever been spanked in front of a live audience before, since a group of other guests were gathered in the back of the room watching the proceedings. I kept myself in the "performer" part of my brain that I use when doing videos and made sure to kick and squirm! It was lots of fun.
Heather and I had to scoot out of the event before it ended because Heather hadn't eaten and we needed to hunt down some food before she went to her shoot with Amateur Spankings, so we missed having the entire "school" lined up to be spanked, but we had tons of fun anyway.

I have to go for now, but stories shall continue in the next post, and there will be pictures that time, I promise!

Out of the Bag

Before I get into this post, there are a few things I need to address.

First of all, I've been a very bad girl when it comes to blogging the past few months. There's nothing less attractive than a half effort. I've had an awful lot going on: a series of unfortunate events, some health struggles, different hours at work than I was used to, and the fact that Malignus and I have begun to launch a new business. I've been dedicating a lot of time to other things. That said, my blog is very important to me, and I intend to return to updating regularly.

Secondly, I know that you all want to hear about TASSP. I want to tell you about it, too! Unfortunately, I'm saving that post until I receive a few photos, and I have something else that I want to address briefly before that.

I left TASSP on Sunday. I arrived in Omaha, and then Malignus and I drove back to Sioux Falls and went to bed around 4 the next morning. That afternoon, I got up and went to the airport to fly to NYC to visit my family of origin in New Jersey and then go into the city for some shooting and visiting friends. During the time that I was in Sioux Falls, I basically dumped all my crap from Texas out and onto the floor of the spare room and then repacked it with appropriate family attire.

I don't enjoy visiting with my family, especially after my oldest brother died last winter. That brother was the part of the family that I connected with. I value my other brother, but we don't share the same kind of closeness. My mother herself has never been emotionally well in my lifetime, and she's caused me a great many difficulties in my lifetime. I don't believe that going into those details here would be appropriate, but know you this: things have been more often bad than good between us.

Yesterday, I had a rough day. Last time that I was here, my brother's death was still a present topic. We were at his funeral. This time, it was as if he really never existed to everyone else, while I was hyper aware of all the things that reminded me of him. Despite my acceptance of his death, I caught myself longing for him; the feeling of my body cut up by want inside. My mother ragged on me for small things over and over again, she invaded my privacy, she was critical of my body (this is her favorite hobby. She was a professional dancer and I did not inherit that build, and she takes every chance she gets to remind me of this). It kinda sucked. Then, things got serious.

While I was in the bath, my mother went through my suitcase to find any laundry that might be there (so she said) and, while at it, happened upon a stray cane that had been left in the bag. It's half length and not very noticeable. She wasn't entirely sure what it could be for, however, so she looked up the brand, found photos of me on the brand's site and panicked. She was in hysterics, telling me that she wanted to have me committed to a mental hospital because I'm a danger to myself.

I felt very similarly to the way I did when I first found out that my brother was near death: I'd always known on some level that this moment was going to come, but I sure as hell didn't expect it when I woke up that morning. On many levels, I was prepared for this. I've always been detached and I don't actually NEED anything from her. My familiar connection is more based on filial piety and social constructs at this point. These things didn't stop me from calling Malignus in tears as soon as I ran out of the house.

I ended up going to New York that night, to stay with PeachyKeane and Scotchgrove. They've been extremely welcoming and gracious to me. I explained to the doctor that I am in sound health and that my mother is simply not accepting the choices made by an adult and that was the end of that. I posted about what happened to fetlife tonight, and I got a wonderful outpouring of kind words. That's really the reason for this post more than anything else: I want to thank everyone who posted or messaged me with their support. It reinforced the lesson that I needed the most at this moment:

The scene is my family. When I grow, it loves me for it. When I fail at things, it pushes me back up to try again. When I'm strange, it's stranger. When I'm afraid, it's safe. When I need love, there's love for me. When I need understanding, there are many who have gone through what I have.

As an entity, you're all I could ever ask for, and I love you.

I'm also forever grateful for the people who make up my D/s list. The people I've grown close to are truly beautiful people. I realized when my mother was in hysterics that there is nothing in the world that matters more to me than the people I know from the scene (especially now that my brother, my closest family member is gone). I'm a very lucky girl to have such wonderful people in my life.

I'm not happy with the way things have gone with this incident (between my mom and I) and I don't think that it's over yet. But I'm okay despite it. When I was a girl, I was terrified that I'd be found out and put away for what I do (or, at the time, what I wanted to do). Now, those threats don't really scare me because I'm an adult, and I know that I can and do take care of myself. If anything, this is rather freeing. I have confidence in myself and even less to fear.
And I have you guys. And that rocks.

TASSP post will happen as soon as I get some pictures from a few people! Keep your eyes open! It'll include lots of amazing adventures including me, Malignus, Pandora Blake, Ten Amorette, Amelia Jane Rutherford, Heather Michaels, Christy Cutie, Shay Elizabeth and lots more awesome people! There's even a puppy! Spankings and a puppy! What could be better?!

<3 <3 <3

Product Review: Paddles and Panties

The story of some of the ridiculous things that have happened recently and which have prevented me from attending to my blog as thoroughly as I would like to shall be appearing soon. It's more important to me to get this post up, first, and then chatter on about myself. Not like I won't be chattering on in this post, but, you know!

I love underpants. I love them far too much. I like plain ones and lacy ones, cute ones and crazy ones and everything in between. One thing I had never had, however, were spanking related panties. The closest thing that I had were my "GUILTY" panties from my shoot with Spanking Court, which I absolutely love.

When I was given these at Spanking Court, I asked Katerina where they came from. She directed me to her site, Paddles and Panties, where I proceeded to oogle over just about everything. The idea of selling implements and underpants in the same place is so perfect. I'm far too fond of obtaining both of those things.

Paddles and Panties is great for several reasons, besides basically being one-stop-shopping for spankos. They offer a series of underpants with cute, spanking related sayings on the butt, and I'm happy to report that they don't discriminate. They are available for men and in female plus sizes as well as standard female sizing. The panties themselves are well made and fit comfortably, and the text is screen-printed on in a way that looks great and holds up well to washing. I can't say anything about dryers, though, since I hang all my underwear to dry.

The phrases available are cute and witty, and since they're made up by a spanko, they're things that many of us will relate to. :)

"Paddled to Perfection"

The phrases are in a variety of fonts and colors, which mixes things up quite a bit.

I'm personally very into wearing these panties to work under my regular clothes. It makes me feel the same sort of "getting away with something secret" feeling that I get when I'm hiding bruises under my skirt!

"Seat of Education"

These are also sure to be hits at spanking parties, and make for a fun "reveal" when you pull your pants down or raise your skirt to reveal the message!

"100% Spankable" (I'll replace this with a better photo once I get some help: taking photos of your own butt is hard!)

I have had a chance to be spanked with several of the implements sold on their site, as well, and they're quality stuff. I'm most familiar with their wooden pieces, and they really sting a lot! I also discovered that the horrible black spoon which Dana Kane spanked us Sternwood Girls with comes from them! That was an unforgettable implement. It was one of the worst spoons ever (pretty much only topped by "Ben"). You can pick that up if you really want to teach someone a lesson or eight!

They also have this fun thing called "Spanko Lotto" which is basically a scratch off lottery card for spanking! You pick a box and it tells you how many swats and with what implement you are to be spanked. It's a fun little thing and really adorable.

I recommend that you check their site out and pick up one or two items that catch your eye. They're run by awesome people who are offering a unique and well made product. I give them my highest "marks." :P