Stress and Relief

(I'm posting Valentine's Day next. OUT OF ORDER. CALL THE POLICE*.) 

Updated, due to some poor wording that upon re-reading kind of made me sound like a bitch.

Well, I'm blog posting again. It's been a while, I know. I'm very sorry for not having been diligent. I've just been very busy recently, and rather overwhelmed. In addition to working on several long term projects, I'm getting ready to leave home for six weeks. I've been gone for this long once, but the whole thought is very intimidating. As much as I know that I'll have a remarkable time, I tend to get very nervous before trips. There's so much that needs to be planned and organized, and if I'm being honest, I'm still very bad at that. As babyish as it sounds for someone who likes to fancy herself a strong and independent woman, I feel a preemptive sadness about leaving Malignus if I let myself. Before I left for July Crimson Moon, I got so upset about it that I almost didn't want to leave at all.

This morning, I had a few pieces of news that made me more stressed out. I knew that later that day, I was going to do something that I was nervous about because it involved confrontation. The day started the way that they usually do, despite this. Malignus and I spent time together before he had to leave for work. Then he started to get his power cables together to take his laptop and phone charger with him to work. Then he gave me a fairly strong swat with the bunch of cables. I very nearly cried.

"Did that hurt?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir," I said.

"Come here, I'm going to even it out." I walked over to the bed and plopped on it with my bottom up. "Well, take your pants down!"

"You gave me the last one over my pants, though!" I protested.

"Are you arguing with me?" he asked very seriously.

"Yes," I admitted, feeling very sheepish. I pulled my pants down and tried very hard to get in position. I knew under various layers of stuff that I really, really wanted to be spanked. I was stressed out, and spanking is the greatest stress relief possible in my life. I just couldn't find submission through all the nonsense that was worrying my brain. It took me a good minute before I finally accepted the fact that I was going to be spanked. Even then, I didn't do the best job of taking it, wiggling and protesting for the ten strokes which followed. I fell out of position at one point and had to be coaxed back where I belonged. I was crying and struggling, even though there was nothing particularly challenging about the spanking compared to others.

"This last one is going to be hard. Do you understand?" Malignus asked me. I couldn't catch my breath from crying. "Yes, Sir?" he prompted. I just lay there, not yet ready to answer. Finally, I did, and I was met with a very hard stroke which pushed me to cry even more.

"Come here," Malignus instructed, beckoning me to sit next him on the edge of the bed. I pulled up my panties but abandoned my pants and I sat down. He wrapped me in a hug that filled me with a sense of safety and comfort that I've rarely ever known outside of the spanking world. I clung to him. Then he said "I'm going to hit you some more." This time, I tried to accept and did a better job of being resigned. He raised his hand and began to smack the fronts of my thighs. This is a very sensitive area, and one which makes me feel particularly submissive. I know that while he hit me quite a few times, none of them were particularly hard compared to what I was used to, but I sobbed. Everything in my existence was about crying and continuing to cling to him. It was in that moment that I realized that I needed this. I needed to get the stress out of my body. I needed to let go. I needed to trust him to do what was best for me and fight against this. All these feelings fueled me to cry more and more, until he stopped and I found myself nearly hyperventilating. I held my breath for a second as he stroked my back and then gently and comfortingly rubbed my thighs, then returned to a fairly normal breathing pace. "Have you returned to that place of calm?" he asked and I affirmed: "Yes, Sir." "Good girl," he praised, and I basked in this for a moment. Once I was feeling safe and good, he told me to get up and started to put pillows in position for an OTK spanking. "We'll finish this up with something nicer for you," he told me. He didn't grab an implement, and that made me feel very relaxed and loved.

I kicked my panties all the way off without really knowing why, but probably on some internal level because I wanted to feel very vulnerable, then I got over his lap. The spanking was not too hard, not too fast and made me feel very, very comforted. Still, at one point, when he picked up the intensity a bit, I started to struggle and protest. "This is still a spanking, Alex," he reminded me, and I tried to be passive. I was never really as successful at it as I would have liked to have been, but that feeling of being loved, of being elevated and safe and relaxed kept coming back and it was wonderful. "Do you want to decide how hard you're spanked?" he asked me.

"No, Sir," I responded.

"Do you want to decide how long your spanking lasts?"

"No, Sir."

From there on out, I managed to remain relaxed, although the time wasn't substantial. When we finished and Malignus hugged me again, I felt much better. I know that it's my responsibility to take care of my own stress, but there's just something wonderful about the feeling when someone chooses to step in. I'm a very luck girl to be loved as much as I am. :)

*Note- Please do not actually call the police. Reporting a false emergency is a crime.