Winter Wonders

As I mentioned before, Paul is in England until February, leaving me woefully unsupervised. In lieu of running through the neighborhood stealing cars and chopping down trees (which is what he always says will happen if he doesn't impose rules, structure and discipline in my life) I decided to head to the East Coast (from whence I originally came) to visit friends and family and to do some shooting with producers local to there. If you're located in within driving distance from central New Jersey or within public transit distance from NYC and want to do a session before January 6th, I have limited availability left before I leave. Email alexinspankingland@gmail.com and we'll see if we can set something up. 

I left for New York on the evening of the 11th, and had quite the adventure in not sleeping: I had an overnight flight, but had to leave my house in the valley at 9:00 to drive to Rafa and Zeki's place downtown, since they're using my car while I'm gone. Rafa then took me to LAX and I did all of the usual airport business, getting on my flight around midnight. I had a layover around 8 AM, Eastern Time, at which point I had not slept. I then got on another flight around 1:00, which got me to NY around 3:00. I went directly from the airport to my first shoot: I don't actually have the link to the site at the moment, but I'll update this post when I do, but it was delightfully dark and edgy, including limp/sleepy/chloroform fetish. I was remarkably not dead of actually sleepiness at this point, and I stayed awake even though a lot of the shoot involved me lying around pretending to be asleep! When we finished, they brought me back to the train station and I went up to stay with a vanilla friend in the city. We had to take some time to catch up, of course, but when we headed into her room to go to sleep, we discovered that the heat was broken.

Now, some people can survive when they're cold. I'm not one of those people. Being cold is a huge deal to me, and it was about 7F outside. My friend's room was cold enough that we saw our breath indoors. She didn't have tons of blankets, either, so I just sat up on her air mattress with my coat on and a blanket around me and shivered for most of the night. I didn't really sleep, because I couldn't relax in the cold. The next morning I got up and had the hottest shower I could stand. I was quite warmed up by it, and we went out and bought a space heater since the landlord "wasn't sure" when he could have the heat fixed. Oh dear. 0_0 The space heater was very effective, though! As soon as it got warm, I wanted to crawl into bed and take a nap, but it was time to get ready to visit Kelly Payne for my next shoot for her site, Tantrum Trainers. I'll hopefully have photos from that the next time that I post. In the meantime, here's Miss Payne looking sexy as all hell as she takes me to task:

I really enjoyed being over this lap. :) 

That shoot was very laid back and a lot of fun. I get along really well with Kelly, and I certainly consider her one of my friends. We chatted a bit and caught up before we did our scene. It was very long and quite hard, plus it was all done over the knee. I'm wearing some shimmery stockings. This made me very happy. Kelly spanked me so hard for so long with her hand that she actually got a blood blister during the shoot. Fortunately, she had a paddle nearby to switch to nearby. That paddle stung crazily. The hand-spanking had been long and thorough, and it had sort of mesmerized me. My whole existence was hot and swollen as smack after smack fell on my bottom. The paddling cut through that, making each swat a strong peak of sensation. I was actually thinking about this while I was being spanked, at first, before it overwhelmed me: I was imagining making meringue, and watching as "stiff peaks form" as the recipe describes it. I felt like such peaks of sensation and pain were forming for me. Eventually, though, everything blurred together as I reached the point of being overwhelmed (in a good way, of course). I started to cry and to apologize and, near the end, started to have trouble talking. You know a video has actually pushed me when I start insisting that I can't talk anymore near the end of it (or, in the case of this more severe video, quite early on in the spanking!).

Erica made a post a little while ago about not being able to articulate what happens in her mind during a spanking. I have the same experience. Once it reaches a certain point, it overwhelms my brain's ability to break sensation down and put it into language. One minute I'm interpreting my spanking through a visual metaphor relating to pie-making, the next, there are no words. It's just... there. Everything in my mind is the spanking and it exists in a place which, despite my efforts, I can't reach to describe with language. This is something which commonly happens to me in my "real life" play (it's pretty normal for Paul to try to talk to me while cuddling me after a scene and for me to insist that I "can't brain") but only happens on film every now and again, so it was kind of exciting.

Finally, on Friday night I headed back to my friend's house and went to sleep, after having been awake since Tuesday morning! Following this, I did some more hanging out and had a series of other traveling related hassles (as tends to happens to me: in addition to a last name, I share the characteristic with Malcolm Reynolds that "things don't go smooth.") Eventually, I made my way to Sarah Gregory's house in Connecticut. She and her submissive J_Dogg picked me up from the train station and we went to go pick out a Christmas tree for her house. I'm glad that I got to do this with her, since I didn't have a tree at home before I left. As I mentioned in my last post, my family isn't really fully celebrating Christmas this year since we're just trying to get set up in my mom's new place following losing our house in Hurricane Sandy, so we're not having a Christmas tree there, either. Last year, I had an adorable, tiny Christmas tree (Malignus allowed my friends to give me one decoration each and this was all he'd permit me to hang up, so a thoughtful friend made her one ornament a little, live tree, complete with lights already on it!) and I stayed in South Dakota for Christmas. The year before, my family didn't have a real Christmas celebration because instead we were doing my brother's memorial service. So, decorating the tree with Sarah was the first time I'd done a full sized Christmas tree since 2010, and it was very refreshing to do so! So much so that I put tinsel all over myself:

Chriiiiiiistmassssss, bitches! 

The tree turned out wonderfully, and Sarah and I got to spend lots of girly time talking and hanging out. The next day, we woke up to find out that the world had been covered in snow (and by "the world" I mean "Sarah's town" because it was recently brought to my attention that my common use of hyperbole is "awful"). We got dressed up in snow gear to go outside and have a little frolic. For me, "snow gear" meant wearing tights under my skirt and over my knee socks, boots which Sarah had been so kind as to give me since I had none, my new coat and big, pink bow. And braids. Braids are an important part of being in the snow.

Sarah took some photos of me playing outside, and I was really blown away with them. She's a very good photographer!

Such winter. Wow. What snow. 

Frolics! 

Oh hai from both of us! :)

The roads were not exactly great that night, and I think most people stayed in their houses, but Sarah and I really needed to get out and do something exciting. Sarah took a shower right before we went out, though, and put her hair up in a wet bun. While she was cleaning off her car, it froze. I poked at it a bunch and it was just... a haircicle. Yiiiiiikes. Soon, we were safely on our way (with Sarah driving very carefully). We went to eat at a Southwestern place which Sarah likes a lot called Mo's. I'd never had it before, but we had a nice meal there, and I may or may not have abused the fact that you can add flavoring to your soda there. Cherry vanilla lime raspberry coke is actually not as good as it sounds. After dinner, we went to the local mall and got tickets to watch The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, which neither of us had seen yet. We were a bit early as we'd overestimated the amount of time it might take to get to the mall in the snow, so we did a bit of shopping, getting lots of bows and some other cute stuff. We both enjoyed the movie, and we got home safely afterwards where we continued do more girly talking until it was pretty late. We were doing a shoot the next day, so we had to go to bed.

The next morning, Robert Shore (CTPhotographer) came over so we could do our shoot. We filmed a Christmas special which is currently running on Sarah Gregory Spanking called "Not What She Wished For." In this film, I play a naughty little girl who sneaks down to the Christmas tree to start opening presents without waiting for the rest of her family. When Robert catches me, he scolds me and then turns me over his lap for a spanking, right in front of the tree. I wore some cute pajamas and pigtails and made quite a fuss about getting spanked on Christmas. Originally, I thought that the idea of getting spanked on a holiday was a bit dark, but the scene came out to be very sweet and cute, actually. I played my character as being greatly in need of a spanking, Christmas or not. It was the first time that Robert ever spanked me, but we had great chemistry on camera, I think.

I'm hiding the present I was opening behind my back and pretending to be innocent, but I'm somewhat delighted with my own mischief and can't help but smile. I feel that this is a face that Paul probably sees from me on a pretty regular basis at home!

It's Christmas! Who gets spanked on Christmas!? Soooo unfair!

Handprint!

That evening, I left to go back to NY, as I had a session the next day. I'm glad that Sarah and I finally got to spend some time together, and I feel that we really connected. I'm looking forward to doing more fun stuff with her in the near future! :D♥

A New Project and Some... Changes?

Hi hi hi!
So, today I was made aware that apparently I wasn't just getting the aforementioned spanking for not having been keeping up with blogging, but instead, a "severe beating." Um... *nervous lip biting* back to our regularly scheduled posting and let's all forget about this incident? Does that sound good to you? Sounds good to me. ^_^

Anyway, I have exciting news to share :D

Over the past couple of months, Paul and I have been working on a project together. I really like filming videos with him: this was, after all, our original interaction, and there's nothing better than watching the dynamics between real partners on film. We obviously sometimes film together for Northern Spanking and we've done scenes for other sites but, once we moved in together, we wanted to start doing more scenes with just the two of us, and doing them in a more low-key, natural, domestic setting. We wanted to capture the energy of our household and our relationship and to explore many of the various facets there in. I wanted to be able to say "Haha, that would be a funny video, grab the camera and let's do it RIGHT NOW!" We wanted things that were naturally occurring instead of being pre-designed. We wanted to be able to sometimes do scenes that weren't necessarily spanking scenes. It was obvious that this content needed its own home on the internet.

We spent a while trying to come up with the name of our future site. Most of this time was spent with Paul asking me what I thought would be a good idea and me saying "I don't know, I can't think of anything." I'm horrible at naming things. I felt impossibly clever when I came up with "Alex in Spankingland" (although it required encouragement from my friend Sophie to convince me that it seemed good to others instead of just me). If I hadn't happened upon it, this blog would probably just be called "Spanking Alex." Not very creative.

Paul was the one who came up with the name for new project: Kitchen Sink Spanking. The name derives from a genre of film, television and theater which was popular in the 1950's and 60's in England known as "kitchen sink realism." This genre attempted to create stories which were depictions of the dramas, interpersonal relationships, highs and lows of the daily life of regular people, and were set in apartments or houses, often centering around the kitchen instead of requiring the creation of fancy sets. I think that this fits perfectly with the essence that we were trying to capture.

Everything that we've filmed thus far has been in our own home, and we do it with just the two of us there. As such, the camera sits on a tripod and we don't use a lot of equipment. As such, the films have a very different feel than the formal shoots that we do, but it's actually very enjoyable. I find them to be delightfully voyeuristic.

Are the films simply snippets from our every day life? Not exactly. I make no claims that these videos occurred naturally, or that they're "reality porn." We certainly don't just set a camera up and go about our daily lives and then edit it down to the parts that include spanking. The clips vary in verisimilitude: some are more fun and allow me to engage in fun-for-everyone whining, foot stamping and petulance (this is fun for everyone... right?!). A couple are quite serious. I like this variety. The first film is a cute story about me being first introduced to a new DD relationship, complete with a lot of the aforementioned protestation and a hairbrush spanking. It's the first one we filmed, and we had a lot of fun doing it. The second film follows the same story, but in addition to my getting spanked it includes me getting smacked with a kitchen implement on both the fronts and backs of my thighs. This was entirely unscripted. I was surprised by how the scene had become spontaneously worse. :P The third, still following the same tale, gives rise to this adorable sadface:

There's one which is goddamn adorable and simply a replay of a scene which actually happened, in which I went to Zeki's house, made cookies with her and returned with only the tale of how good they were for Paul, who was clearly in need of biscuits. Justice was served instead:
]

As we went on making the videos, we started making upskirt films, which I find delightfully naughty and which excite my exhibitionist streak. There are a couple of harder scenes, and then there's something... different. Over the course of the past eighteen months, my relationship between sexuality and kink has been developing quite a bit. While I previously described these drives as being separate and parallel, as I grew more comfortable with myself and began to have partners who were both involved in my kink life and my sex life, this division slowly began to breakdown. There's a LOT of writing to be done about this, but 2:00 AM while seated on Sarah Gregory's couch is neither the time nor place to attempt to tackle this topic. Suffice to say, I've begun to enjoy certain combinations of these activities. As such, I decided that I wanted to make my first blatantly sexually charged video. The video is actually quite intense: it's a disciplinary caning which has a lot of energy, and which stirs up a lot of emotion in me. My bottom was already sore when we filmed this, and the strokes are hard. I cry and wail and get rather pathetic. Throughout the entire scene, though, I was very... er... aroused (and I'm very embarrassed to admit this!) and once my punishment was complete, I went to my room to fix this condition in myself. I must admit, I haven't watched it (it makes me feel very awkward to think about doing so!), but it's my only masturbation film out there, and it's entirely genuine. Curious? Feel free to check it out, and I'll have more writing about sexy-kink times later.

I do have this deep fear that people will be upset about this change in me, but it was no longer genuine to perpetuate the idea that there are no longer situations where spanking is sexual for me. I hope you all still like me, even though I no longer have a hardline stance on this issue. :)


I hope you consider checking out the site, as I'm quite pleased with the results myself!
Now, it's off to the bath, and then some glorious sleep! ♥

Gratitude

It's been a little while since I posted: long enough, in fact, that I've earned myself a spanking. Maybe I'll film it and post it here. That would be fair, wouldn't it?  It was my intention to do a Thanksgiving post, but holiday posts are always difficult for me because I am busy celebrating and don't want to tear myself away from festivities to sit in my office and write something. This post, however, got significantly away from me because I've been keeping myself as busy as humanly possible recently, although half of it has been with epically fun things. But I've started this, so dammit, I'm going to finish it!

Thanksgiving this year was significant for a fistful of reasons. For one, it was Paul's first Thanksgiving ever, which made it special! It was also our first real holiday together as a couple: we were together on Halloween but I had a horrible ear infection (I know, adults don't usually get those. Read what you will about me from this, I guess) and we had to spend the night quietly at home. Finally, Thanksgiving was the last day before Paul left to go back to England for a couple of months: he's gone until February. As such, it was important that we spend lots of positive time together before he left!

Our Thanksgiving was certainly a bit non-traditional. It was our original intention to go to my mom's house for the holiday, but since Paul had to leave the next day, that was already sort of in question. Then my mom fell and broke her hip, and she's been in a recovery facility ever since so she didn't want to have a bunch of people visiting. My mom and I have had a difficult relationship over the years, but it's been much better recently. That said, she's had an awful few years. Two years ago last month, my oldest brother passed away from AIDS. Last October, my family home was swept out to sea in Hurricane Sandy and we lost pretty much everything. My mom was displaced and living with friends for over a year. Just as she was getting ready to move into her new house, she fell and broke her hip. Add on top of this the fact that she has Lupus, and it's remarkable she makes it through the days. Anyway, I decided to go visit her in a more low-key environment later because that worked out much better for everyone. So, on Thanksgiving, Paul was not introduced to the madness of my extended family which meant that no one got ridiculously drunk, no one tried to sell us Avon products, there were no pregnant teenagers, everyone was properly showered, we had one pie instead of eight, nothing was cooked in a coffee can and all persons at the dinner table believed that the Earth rotates around the Sun.

It also meant that we could just be ourselves, and do things the way we pleased to instead of the way we were "supposed to." This meant that before I even started cooking dinner on Thanksgiving, I had a Final Exam. This started months ago, during our trip to Colorado, with a book about Bears. I'm obsessed with bears. Obsesssssssssssssssssed. I just think that they're the cutest animal ever. The fact that I visited a bear park on multiple occasions and even got to pet an infant bear cub has only increased my excessive fondness. When we were staying in the mountains, it was my greatest hope that I would encounter a bear (at a safe distance, of course). We never did, although we did see some adorable wild elk with fuzzy, velvety antlers and a couple of gophers/woodchucks/groundhogs/generic small chumbly creatures. In place of a real life bear encounter, Paul bought me a book full of delightful bear photographs and chock full of important facts about my favorite fuzzy friends. When we were apart, I found myself reading it as I fell asleep and remembering our trip together, and soon my trivial and useless bear knowledge was getting excessive. Did you know that baby Black Bears (Ursus americanus) cubs spend up to 60% of their time in trees, and often nap or sleep up there? That some subspecies of the Brown Bear (Ursus arctus) include the Grizzly Bear and the Kodiak Bear? That the darkness of a North American bear's fur is in direct proportion to the dampness of the climate in which it lives? I was probably insufferable if I got started talking about this. One day, a friend came to visit and brought up the fact that bears can climb trees (HE brought it up!) and I had to sit on my hands and force myself not to turn the next hour into Bearfacts o'clock.

So, it was decided (probably mostly by me, to be honest) that I should have an exam about bears. It would combine my never ending desire to play school with my new found obsession. Paul wrote the test and I studied, taking 12 pages of handwritten notes to review from. On Thanksgiving, I did a last minute cram before I donned a school uniform, got out my pencil case and sat at the kitchen table to write the exam:

I'm wearing a tie. This makes me fancy. 

Once I had completed a page of short answer questions and written a two page essay about the process of hibernation, Paul took my paper into his study to grade. Giddy from the fun I had with this sort of play, I then put an apron on (yes, right over my uniform!) and started to make dinner. Since there were only two of us, we ended up having a roast chicken instead of a turkey, but I made it with (what I consider) traditional breadcrumb stuffing. I also made mashed potatoes, carrots, corn bread and a from scratch apple pie. It was a feast for the two of us, and everything turned out wonderfully.

As I cooked, in the kitchen of my sweet little house, feeling happy and healthy and safe, I was very aware of how much I had to be grateful for. I live in a place which truly feels like my home and I spend my time with people who love me and with whom I can be myself completely. I have a job which I adore and which allows me to do the things I'm most passionate about while meeting and getting to know lots of new people. The weather is so warm that in November, I was still constantly getting scolded for walking outside without putting on shoes. I have my cats, and they're adorable and make me happy. I'm in love with someone who loves me back, and who values and respects me and who instead of saying "Stop being so weird, Alex?" takes delight in the things that make me giddy and writes me exams about bears.

In a certain way, all this was bittersweet because the next afternoon, Paul would be leaving for 2+ months, and I certainly had the impulse to be a mopey moper about it, but I kept myself focused on the fact that my life was beyond what had been my wildest dreams and I'm glad for these things. Dinner was lovely, and afterwards, we snuggled for a long time while we digested. Later that evening, it was time for the Spanksgiving part of Thanksgiving. :) By then, my feelings had built up quite a bit, and I felt delicate and vulnerable. It had been Paul's original intention to have an intense and severe scene that night, addressing some of the issues that had remained written in my book and for which I had yet to be punished. I felt nervous and apprehensive about this, and I guess it showed in my reactions to things, because before I had a chance to bring up how I was feeling, Paul asked me if I still wanted to do a scene.

My initial response was "No, I feel too vulnerable." This was accompanied by a lot of feelings. Sometimes, submission can be horribly confusing, despite all the time I've spent ruminating about it. On one level, I want my Dominant to make the choices about what happens. I'm scared of the accusation of topping from the bottom. I have a fear that expressing my feelings and desires for the way that we play will "ruin" things, that I should accept what I get instead of communicating what I want or need. I also have a tendency to feel embarrassed by my emotions, no matter what they are. None of this stuff is healthy, and I'm not proud to admit it, but these are things that developed in my brain over the past couple of years. As soon as I voiced my opinion, I started to cry and apologize, anxiously hiding my face. Paul pulled me up into his arms and spoke to me soothingly, assuring me that I didn't need to feel that way and that he never judged me for what I felt or needed. As I tried to calm, I was surprised by how much of a need to cry was left inside of me. "I just feel like I'll come completely apart," I confided. After a moment, I added "Maybe I need that." Ultimately, we came to the conclusion that I did need a hard scene, but not a punitive one, and we decided to do an arbitrary scene.

A bit later, Paul put me over his lap and began to spank me. It was probably not particularly hard, but due to my emotional state, I soon started to cry again. In the middle of it, he paused and asked "Who do you belong to, Alex?" and I melted into a passive and tranquil state. This is something that pretty much always works for me (when playing with someone to whom I belong, of course!) as it makes me feel owned, loved, cared for and treasured while simultaneously making me feel very passive, safe and small. I probably cooed my response.

Shortly after this, I got a caning. The strokes were hard and the cane in question is dense and bitey, and I had little resistance left to offer between my vulnerable state and my heightened feeling of submission. This didn't mean I took the strokes well, though: I cried and wailed, sometimes sobbing so hard that I made myself cough. At one point, Paul had to pause to give me a cup of water because I think he thought I was choking. When it was finished, I felt warm and swollen, but entirely refreshed (once I cut through the haze of "I can't brain!" that happens when someone tries to talk to me right after a hard scene). As I curled up on his lap, I knew that everything was going to be okay and that while I'd be inevitably sad and lonely while he was away, that I was always protected and I always belonged. ♥