Fuzzy Party :D

Time for some more great stories from Los Angeles. :) 

On Friday night, once I'd been in LA for about a week, I headed to my friend Sidewinder's house for a party hosted by him and my dear Maddy Marks. The theme was "fuzzy everything" and was clearly designed to be enticing to me. :P People were dressed in lots of fake fur, animal tails, fuzzy leg warmers and cute hats. I had originally planned to wear my Pikachu suit, but I just didn't have room for it in my suitcase, so I brought my smaller and more manageable bunny romper. The party was hosted by the group which I founded when I lived in Los Angeles and which Maddy helped me run until she eventually took it over from me upon my relocation to South Dakota. Therefore, it was a group of likeminded kinksters under the age of 35, and many of them were people that I was close to or fond of. 

When I arrived, I discovered that my good friend and fellow spanking model Christy Cutie was there. Maddy, Christy and I got into all sorts of shenanigans throughout the night. This was the first real party that I had been to in a long time. I had a good time dancing, having a few drinks and letting my less frequently seen sexy side out a bit. Of course, I was still being a total dork. I specialized in dancing with my mouth open in a ridiculous face. :D

Christy Cutie and I!

There was a bit of play at this party, and I got to have an awesome scene as a Top with my friend Epipelagic. She's one of my favorite people, but we had never done any kink things together besides hang out at events. She decided that she wanted me to spank her and I was happy to oblige. This girl is seriously adorable and she has an amazing bottom. It's almost too much. She's just too cute! She was a joy to spank: she reacted strongly and wiggled and fought but didn't take it over the top. Afterwards, we had some considerable cuddles. WIN!

I adore Epipelagic!

I wanted to be spanked too, of course! If other people are getting spanked, then I automatically start to be desirous of a spanking as well. Christy gave me one, and it was great. She's gotten very proficient as a Top. She spanked me over her lap and with her hand for a long time. By the time we finished, I'd given her a little blood blister, too.

Getting it from Christy!

At one point, Maddy was getting spanked by her boyfriend on the adjacent sofa and she started to reach over and spank me along with Christy. Zoey Wicks, who was also at the party, got in front of me so I could spank her a bit (although the positioning of this was more challenging) so it was kind of a spanking orgy. 

In general, it was refreshing to just party with a bunch of cool, young people. It was especially nice to hang out with two other Sternwood girls off set! We talked a lot about looking forward to shooting Volume 4, and reminisced about how much fun we had the last time we did it. 

Sternwood Girls Gone Wild!

I know these past few posts have been shorter and less detailed than usual. It's the price of me being so busy with my trips and adventures. There will be more, longer ones soon, I do promise. :D

Busy, Busy, Busy!

My poor, poor blog. I'm so sorry.

I've been quite a busy girl! Often, being busy doesn't influence my ability to get blogging done, though: I just sit down and write a post once I finish with whatever it is that I've been working on. Recently, I've had a combination of being busy and being exhausted. I finish my work for the day, come home from my adventures and then basically faceplant myself into bed. I'm finally a bit more caught up on sleep at the moment, though. Hooray!

I'm currently in the middle of a whirlwind of adventures again. This is the way that I tend to do things: I'll travel straight for a number of weeks, going from place to place instead of flying back home again in between. It's cheaper and more efficient, but it obviously has a few downsides: the busy nature of each stop often leads to a tired version of Alex without any days to snuggle in my warm, quiet, South Dakotan bed in between sites, and the obvious disadvantage of not seeing Malignus for many weeks at a time. Still, we make do: we talk when we can, and we both have confidence in the fact that the other is doing a good job to take care of his or herself when we can't.

Now, I shall begin to tell you the tales of my adventures.
On Sunday night, I was packed and prepared to leave early on Monday morning. It takes an epic amount of luggage to prepare for six weeks of shooting, especially given the variety of shoots that I will be having during my adventures, AND the fact that I'll be spending a weekend on a spanking holiday during the trip.

Much to carry!

On Sunday night Malignus and I stayed up late to make the most of the time we had before I needed to leave. When we finally decided that we were tired, he sat down on the edge of the bed and called me over. "I'm going to give you a quick spanking because I love you, and because you belong here," he told me. I melted a little at this, and crawled over his lap. He spanked me with his hand, as he'd been doing for the past few days. There was quite a bit of thigh spanking, but none of it was too hard. I just felt cozy and safe and very loved. After we finished, I snuggled against his chest and fell asleep.

All too soon, it was time to get up and go to the airport. When I got out of the car, it was -9 degrees out. In a few hours, I was in LA where the temperature was 61 degrees. When they announced that, I nearly cried. The winter had been taking a toll on me, and I was overwhelmed with happiness to be outside without a jacket and to not feel cold. Rafa picked me up and we went to get lunch together, where we ate outdoors. The idea of eating outside in February was almost absurd. I was so pleased.

BEST FEBRUARY WEATHER EVER!

My first day in LA was pretty luxurious, but from there, it just got more and more hectic. I was working on a custom project that took a lot of time and dedication, plus I was shooting pretty constantly. I shot every single day, and some days did more than one shoot, even getting three in one day sometimes. That didn't prevent me from getting in my requisite adventures. I spent a lot of time in Little Tokyo when I was free, ate Indian Food with Epipelagic and headed to Knott's Berry Farm with Zekyt (another of Rafa's girlfriends who I love very much!). At the end of each day, I basically felt like I hadn't wasted a minute of it. It's a satisfying feeling, although not a relaxing one. I'd fallen into a kind of overdrive where I did very little sleeping and lots of running around, hopping from place to place.

I did some pretty awesome shoots, including shooting with lots of art photographers, doing several bondage shoots and my first suspension (more on that later) and shooting with Ken Marcus. Lots of these were really excellent experiences.
I realize that this post is shorter than usual, but it was written while I was still in that overdrive kind of state. You can expect a series of shorter but (hopefully) more frequent posts for a bit.
:D
Alex

Stress and Relief

(I'm posting Valentine's Day next. OUT OF ORDER. CALL THE POLICE*.) 

Updated, due to some poor wording that upon re-reading kind of made me sound like a bitch.

Well, I'm blog posting again. It's been a while, I know. I'm very sorry for not having been diligent. I've just been very busy recently, and rather overwhelmed. In addition to working on several long term projects, I'm getting ready to leave home for six weeks. I've been gone for this long once, but the whole thought is very intimidating. As much as I know that I'll have a remarkable time, I tend to get very nervous before trips. There's so much that needs to be planned and organized, and if I'm being honest, I'm still very bad at that. As babyish as it sounds for someone who likes to fancy herself a strong and independent woman, I feel a preemptive sadness about leaving Malignus if I let myself. Before I left for July Crimson Moon, I got so upset about it that I almost didn't want to leave at all.

This morning, I had a few pieces of news that made me more stressed out. I knew that later that day, I was going to do something that I was nervous about because it involved confrontation. The day started the way that they usually do, despite this. Malignus and I spent time together before he had to leave for work. Then he started to get his power cables together to take his laptop and phone charger with him to work. Then he gave me a fairly strong swat with the bunch of cables. I very nearly cried.

"Did that hurt?" he asked.

"Yes, Sir," I said.

"Come here, I'm going to even it out." I walked over to the bed and plopped on it with my bottom up. "Well, take your pants down!"

"You gave me the last one over my pants, though!" I protested.

"Are you arguing with me?" he asked very seriously.

"Yes," I admitted, feeling very sheepish. I pulled my pants down and tried very hard to get in position. I knew under various layers of stuff that I really, really wanted to be spanked. I was stressed out, and spanking is the greatest stress relief possible in my life. I just couldn't find submission through all the nonsense that was worrying my brain. It took me a good minute before I finally accepted the fact that I was going to be spanked. Even then, I didn't do the best job of taking it, wiggling and protesting for the ten strokes which followed. I fell out of position at one point and had to be coaxed back where I belonged. I was crying and struggling, even though there was nothing particularly challenging about the spanking compared to others.

"This last one is going to be hard. Do you understand?" Malignus asked me. I couldn't catch my breath from crying. "Yes, Sir?" he prompted. I just lay there, not yet ready to answer. Finally, I did, and I was met with a very hard stroke which pushed me to cry even more.

"Come here," Malignus instructed, beckoning me to sit next him on the edge of the bed. I pulled up my panties but abandoned my pants and I sat down. He wrapped me in a hug that filled me with a sense of safety and comfort that I've rarely ever known outside of the spanking world. I clung to him. Then he said "I'm going to hit you some more." This time, I tried to accept and did a better job of being resigned. He raised his hand and began to smack the fronts of my thighs. This is a very sensitive area, and one which makes me feel particularly submissive. I know that while he hit me quite a few times, none of them were particularly hard compared to what I was used to, but I sobbed. Everything in my existence was about crying and continuing to cling to him. It was in that moment that I realized that I needed this. I needed to get the stress out of my body. I needed to let go. I needed to trust him to do what was best for me and fight against this. All these feelings fueled me to cry more and more, until he stopped and I found myself nearly hyperventilating. I held my breath for a second as he stroked my back and then gently and comfortingly rubbed my thighs, then returned to a fairly normal breathing pace. "Have you returned to that place of calm?" he asked and I affirmed: "Yes, Sir." "Good girl," he praised, and I basked in this for a moment. Once I was feeling safe and good, he told me to get up and started to put pillows in position for an OTK spanking. "We'll finish this up with something nicer for you," he told me. He didn't grab an implement, and that made me feel very relaxed and loved.

I kicked my panties all the way off without really knowing why, but probably on some internal level because I wanted to feel very vulnerable, then I got over his lap. The spanking was not too hard, not too fast and made me feel very, very comforted. Still, at one point, when he picked up the intensity a bit, I started to struggle and protest. "This is still a spanking, Alex," he reminded me, and I tried to be passive. I was never really as successful at it as I would have liked to have been, but that feeling of being loved, of being elevated and safe and relaxed kept coming back and it was wonderful. "Do you want to decide how hard you're spanked?" he asked me.

"No, Sir," I responded.

"Do you want to decide how long your spanking lasts?"

"No, Sir."

From there on out, I managed to remain relaxed, although the time wasn't substantial. When we finished and Malignus hugged me again, I felt much better. I know that it's my responsibility to take care of my own stress, but there's just something wonderful about the feeling when someone chooses to step in. I'm a very luck girl to be loved as much as I am. :)

*Note- Please do not actually call the police. Reporting a false emergency is a crime. 

Intimacy, Vulnerability, Safety

On Thursday night, after Malignus and I had returned home from the various things we'd done that day, he called me into the bedroom. His tone was very gentle, but the words that he chose left no room for confusion. "Come into the bedroom and shut the door," is Malignus for "it's time for a spanking."

It was the 31st, and therefore time to finish up the remaining spankings from New Years. There were five days worth of spanking left to be accounted for. Instead of grabbing a handful of random implements like he did last time, though, this time, Malignus was simply holding one: the hairbrush.

This particular hairbrush is a formidable adversary. It's an antique, oval shaped brown ebony hairbrush that WearYouOut gave to me as a gift, and it's as solid as a rock. It has a fairly small spanking surface compared to some other hairbrushes. Being totally honest, it's probably my favorite implement that is currently in our collection. Hairbrush spankings just feel right to me. They work perfectly for OTK and they have the traditional and domestic feeling that I really prefer over the more BDSM-y feeling implements. There's also the fact that a hairbrush was the first implement which I was spanked with all those years ago, which gives it the highest level of familiarity to me. This particular hairbrush is a favorite because while it's very emotionally comfortable for me, it hurts like a sonofabitch. It's one of the most severe OTK implements that we own. I'm all about the combination of feeling emotionally comfortable while being physically pushed towards my limits, and this is an implement which works well for that.

The hairbrush in question is balanced on my back after PTL and Heather Green gave me my first ever spanking with it at Shadowlane.

As warm as my feelings are towards that hairbrush, it certainly causes my stomach to flop whenever it's about to be used. The idea of getting five sets of 67 swats with it was a little intimidating, to say the least. Still, I was excited. I really wanted a spanking. It had been absolutely freezing outside that night: -32F after the windchill and I had been outdoors and walking through the snow far more than I would have preferred to. I felt chilled to the bone. I could think of nothing that would warm me like a spanking would.

Malignus sat down on the bed and set out pillows for my face as I bared myself for the spanking. I was wearing layers to protect from the cold: jeans under a sweater dress. I decided to take my jeans all the way off, then pulled down my panties and gathered my dress at my waist. Then I got over his lap. Malignus rubbed my back gently for a moment and then announced: "I'm going to spank you now."

The first line of conversation during a spanking starts the tone of the scene for me. "Hold still, I'm gonna hit you with stuff" is the start of a lighthearted or arbitrary spanking. "Why are you getting this spanking, Alex?" leaves no question in my mind that the spanking to follow will be chastising. "I'm going to spank you now" makes me feel instantly submissive. In the context of a scene, just hearing the word "spank" sends a shiver down my spine. It makes the spanking feel very real right away, and gives me a sense of safety and security. The calm and confident assurance that I'm going to be spanked makes aware that while the spanking is something that I personally desired, it's happening because it was decided by him, and that's a feeling that gives me a lot of comfort.

The spanking itself was hard, and it hurt in a way that only a spanking given to me by Malignus with that particular hairbrush has ever hurt. It's a deep penetrating hurt which buzzes and sparks and burns. As often happens, I met the beginning of the spanking with some resistance: mostly whining and wailing sounds and some wiggling. At one point, when I became particularly vocal, Malignus reminded me that "it's supposed to hurt." In some contexts, that sounds trite, almost mocking. Here, it was reassuring and gave me a positive reminder of what I wanted from the spanking. I wanted it to hurt. It wouldn't be a "real" spanking if it didn't. I tried to focus on that fact, instead of on the areas of my mind which wanted to escape from the pain, which didn't want to accept the spanking.

After what felt like a long time, Malignus stopped and told me that we were 3/5ths of the way through the spanking. It felt to me as if the entire thing should have been done by then, but this information gave me a feeling of resignation. Following this, we had a conversation which made me feel significantly more vulnerable, but also very safe and submissive. He asked me if I wanted the rest of the spanking to be on my bare bottom or if I'd rather redress. He assured me that the rest of the spanking would be with the hairbrush, and reminded me of just how much that hurt. I knew what I wanted: that I really did want to be bare and vulnerable and that I wanted the spanking to hurt as much as possible. The trouble was in saying this. Malignus gave me as long as I needed to "really think about what I was saying" and gently rubbed my back as I thought. This pushed me over some sort of edge. I felt the rest of my resistance crumbling, and with it, a lot of the stress that had accumulated through regular every day life. I started to cry. There was something different about starting to cry during a part of a spanking that wasn't physically painful. It felt...pure. I felt genuine with myself, like I wasn't keeping anything back. It was at that point that I asked to be spanked on the bare, so he began to spank me again.

I perceived the next "set" as being much harder than those that had come before, but this was probably because of my mental and emotional state. I tried hard to represent the submission that I was feeling internally in the way that I was responding, but I'm not sure if I did this ideally or not. I know that I cried, and I cried away all the things that were feeling wrong in me. When the fourth set was finished, Malignus told me that he'd be finishing up with his hand. Hand spanking is the most intimate thing for me. I obviously don't mean this in a sexual way, but I feel the strongest connection, the most closeness and the strongest form of physical communication from an OTK spanking with just a hand. This was perfect then. When he finished the final set, we exchanged our final "Happy New Years!" statements, although I hardly remember this. He then went on to spank me more, just because he felt like it.

When it was finished, I felt positively edified. It's the only word I have for it. I felt like I'd not just spewed out all the stress that was in me in the form of tears on my pillow, but I'd instead replaced it with some sort of tranquility and a renewal of strength. I know that this might sound almost silly, but it was a profound experience for me.

It's really wonderful to be loved.