First Party: Chapter 2

Shortly after my sjamboking, ellee and YoggSothoth (who I shall now refer to as YS to save time on typing) got up and I started hanging out with them more. ellee and I were going to start coloring, something which we'd been looking forward to for a long time, when we heard that people were going outdoors to do outside spankings. This sounded like something that we wanted to participate in, so we found our shoes and jackets. Unfortunately, I had previously been wearing jeans. I packed them because I figured that jeans are a good thing to wear out in the woods. I forgot one key detail: this was a SPANKING party. (See also: my feelings on pants.) Because of this, I had decided that I was only going to wear panties on the lower half of my body for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, it's winter and it was cold outside, so I had to put something on, so I settled for my Bambi fuzzypants. I also had the difficulty of having a long coat: Malignus says it makes me look like a crazy lady, but I argue that it's warm and when you don't wear pants, you need all the extra warmth you can get! When I reached the log which all the other bottoms were bent over (and some were already getting spanked!) I realized that I would have to leave my coat off.

Getting spanked while over a log in the woods was my first real interaction with a couple of the tops who were there. The swats hurt a little bit, even over my pants, especially because it was cold and the tops were using paddles and straps and such things, but mostly, my reaction was to laugh, because it was super fun to be getting spanked in a row with a bunch of other girls in the middle of the woods. I was also right next to ellee, and we were holding hands some of the time. Fun!

At some point while this was happening, Malignus started messing around with a little sapling that was growing in the ground near the fallen tree we were all bent over. He uprooted it (it still had a pretty complete root system) and directed me back into position. I was seriously cracking up about the idea of getting spanked with an entire tree. I was surprised when he hit me: I figured it was going to be a light and playful swat. I guess "light and playful" and "entire tree" don't really go together. (Arguably, "light and playful" and "Malignus hitting Alex" don't really go together most of the time, either.) Anyway, it hurt a lot. It was the thuddiest thing I've ever been hit with, which is really not surprising. He gave me four or five hard strokes while the other girls looked on in a combination of horror and amusement. I still have a bruise from that tree.

After beating me with an entire tree, he pulled a fairly thick and intimidating looking switch and gave me about ten strokes with that. The fact that I had my only switching experience on a cold bottom and thighs in the middle of the woods after being hit with a tree doesn't really allow me to give a fair and balanced opinion of it, but I did get over some of my terror regarding getting longer switchings in the future. I did scream my head off into the woods, though.  He then gave another girl three strokes with it (which she later described as the most painful thing she had experienced in her life that far!) and then gave Megan a few. Megan might have even less of a sense of self preservation than I do: she opted to pull her jeans down to get the switch. 0_0

We then went back up to the house and ellee and I got to work on our coloring. This was interrupted by YS giving ellee a strapping, and later, by him doing the same to me for the first time. Getting spanked by him was pretty exciting. It's rare that I meet someone whose Dominance I immediately want to respect, but I felt that way about YS. I felt like calling him "Sir" almost immediately, making him only the fourth person I've habitually used an honorific with, ever. When I got in position for him to spank me, he told me to ask for it (I'd just seen the way that ellee had done this). In most circumstances, when someone other than Malignus gives me an order (outside of things we'd discussed for a scene) I get all scrunchy faced. I might even respond with "don't you fucking tell me what to goddamn do!" But when YS told me to ask for my spanking, I didn't even hesitate before saying "Please spank me, Sir." It's rare but lovely to find someone whose Dominance inspires me, and it made playing with him very enjoyable. He spanked me quite hard with a London Tanners' strap. It was lovely.

Later, Malignus took a nap, YS went off to smoke a cigar with another Top and ellee and I were left unsupervised with our coloring. As I previously mentioned, ellee is a doctor. One of the things that she brought with her was her prescription pad. Ever since I moved from Los Angeles, I've wanted a pet. Specifically, I want a bunny. I wanted a cat, but I knew that would never happen, so a bunny seemed like the next best thing. I was totally in love with Naomi's bunny, Tomato, until it died.

RIP Tomato :(

I happened to know that ellee had amazingly adorable bunnies that were full of love and cuddles, and that one of them licked her face and cuddled her and stuff. We'd been endeavoring to get me a bunny for a long time, and we'd come up with what seemed like a perfect plan. ellee would write me a prescription for one. She got out her prescription paper and filled it out so that it was super official. She prescribed me one mini-rex bunny rabbit (live) for cuddling, with one refill (so I could have two! Bunnies are best in pairs). She signed and dated it and everything.

Earlier in the day, ellee had her doctor stuff out and was looking at Malignus' eye (which was adorable, because she kept jumping up and down with excitement about it) and had also tested some of my reflexes and found that some were hypersensitive. When Malignus got up from his nap and ellee and I presented him with the prescription, she started with this information. She said a few serious doctor things, and then said something about scientific accuracy and peer review. Then Malignus looked at what the prescription was for and got immediately grumpy. ellee and I were pretty much rolling around on the ground laughing. We couldn't let it go and kept saying things about how I was going to get a bunny and it was going to cuddle and love me, and finally, Malignus grabbed ellee by the arm and lead her towards the bedroom. While he was arranging things on the bed so that he could give her a spanking, she hid in the closet. It was a mini, half sized closet, so Malignus didn't even think to look there when he turned around and discovered that she wasn't there. He advanced toward me with "the look" on his face and demanded that I tell him where she was, but all I could squeak out was "she's not here!" He turned to go look for her upstairs, but ellee was laughing too hard in the closet and gave herself away (which is good, because I would have eventually had to tell on her, and that would have been sad!)

Artistic rendering of ellee hiding from Malignus in the closet

Anyway, he found her, pulled her over his lap and spanked her very thoroughly, until she was saying she was sorry and and apologizing for misusing her medical privileges and I'm not sure what else. For a second, it might have seemed that I had gotten off free, but Malignus informed me that he wanted to wait until I had healed from my earlier spankings (including the sjamboking, the tree-ing and switching) before he gave me mine. I was very 0_0 at that news.

I'm not even halfway through telling the stories of the first full day at the cabin! I haven't even gotten to 4:00 PM yet! This is going to be a long series of posts. Stay tuned! More tomorrow!

First Party: Chapter 1

Extended Title: Chapter 1: In which I travel to my first spanking party, arrive, meet friends, settle in and get beaten with a sjambok.

Well, it's been a full week since I last posted. Due to the circumstances, I don't feel all that guilty about it.

On Thursday, I got sent home from work because I was coughing too much. This didn't exactly bode well for a girl who was supposed to be heading to a cabin in the woods the next day for a spanking party, so I spent the majority of the day and early evening resting. Eventually, Malignus woke me up because I had procrastinated doing anything involving packing for the trip and we were leaving in less than twelve hours (which I cannot say he was overjoyed about). I hustled through the stuff that needed doing, then we went back to sleep for a few hours before we left. Unfortunately, I was too excited to sleep. This came back to haunt me later.

Eventually, Malignus woke up, a few other things happened and we hit the road. The drive there was not a lot of fun. I was tired and nervous and a bit cranky, and when it was my turn to drive, I had difficulty with the fact that I was driving stick, which is something that I've never gotten particularly good at. We eventually arrived in the town where the cabin was located, but had trouble finding the cabin itself. We ended up in an old graveyard at one point, which didn't help to calm me down at all.

Finally, we arrived. I was incredibly, incredibly nervous. My hands were shaking. I walked in the doorway to see an extraordinary amount of alcohol on the kitchen counter, two scenes in progress and a lot of new faces standing around talking. In reality, none of that stuff is all that scary. At the moment, I was petrified. Pretty much all that I could get to come out of my mouth was "Yes, Sir" and "No, Sir" to Malignus and "Hi" to everyone else. I went into our bedroom to discover that MissbehavinMegan, who organized the party, had gotten me a present:

 Question: was the primary purpose of obtaining this gift for me to irritate Malignus? 
Answer: probably, yes. But I benefit from his unhappiness! 


When I first got to the cabin, Megan was off doing something else, but once I finished unpacking our stuff and she finished doing that, I got a drink into my system and had some "alone time" ( ^_~) with her, and suddenly, I felt perfectly at home and friendly. The next few hours were a fun-filled blur. ellee and her husband YoggSothoth were delayed in their arrival, and I had tried to stay up and wait for them, but in the end, I asked Malignus to wake me up when they arrived. That happened around three AM, and I instantly regained my spunk when I saw them. I'm pretty sure that the moment we met was the moment that ellee and I became best friends forever. She also had a present for me, which filled me with mass amounts of glee:

We had lots of hugging and squeeing, and then we both got bedtime spankings and went to our respective rooms to sleep.

All in all, despite being tiring and scary, it was a great day. I knew that the party was off to a very good start indeed!

The next morning, I woke up and followed the smell of bacon to the kitchen. I guess a few other girls woke up earlier than I did and cooked. The only cooking I did during the entire trip was sandwich making, which I was strangely okay with. Once in a while, I guess a break can be nice. Right after breakfast, Malignus and Megan were taking a run to the nearby town to get a few things from the store that had been used up already or forgotten, and I came along. I said that this was because I needed to make sure that they got the right kind of butter for me, but my motivation could be more plainly described with the words "YoggSothoth mentioned to Malignus that they should pick up some capsaicin because we 'forgot' ours and I wanted to do everything in my power to ensure that this pattern of 'forgetting' continued." You'll be happy to hear that I was successful in my mission.

After I saved everyone's life by ensuring this, I got myself into what one might call a "situation."
One of the implements that was available for use at this party was a sjambok. I'm scared of those. Double, triple scared. I'm especially scared because I've seen photos and read stories about them. Because I have absolutely no sense of self preservation whatsoever and I love to actively seek out the things that terrify me to further my submission/satisfy my curiosity, I asked Malignus to hit me with it. Remember that there have been no stories of me being spanked yet this day. This was the way that I started my play for the day. For being such a smart girl, I can be pretty stupid sometimes.

The first thing I can tell you about sjamboks: they are big. They are really long and they are super thick. They are flexible. It was kind of like my most feared cane (the nylon one) on an overdose of PCP.

I remember when I thought that this was a really big implement:

Spoon!

Here's that spoon next to the cricket bat (which you will hear tales of later) and the sjambok.

The tape measure is extended to 44 inches. This photo belongs to Malignus. The bat belongs to TNSpanker. The sjambok belongs to Latte (and in hell!) 

After I asked to be beaten with this horrible thing, Malignus marched me down to our bedroom with a horrible, sadistic grin on his face. He got far too much enjoyment just from holding the sjambok. His face was positively lit up with glee. He had me bare my bottom and lay over pillows and then, with very little warning (let alone warming up!) he hit me with it.

How can I describe it? Was it the worst thing I'd ever been hit with? Yes. By a lot? Yes. Was I just psyching myself up into believing that? I don't know. I've certainly had things which looked worse afterwards. The individual weals were thicker than anything I've ever had before, though, rather raised, and were hard underneath. He gave me five (I believe) and then told me he was doing the last one two handed. I was crying and having a hard time holding still, so I asked for a moment before he did that. He agreed, but gave me two that way as a result. One of these was on my thighs. The other was higher than the others, and where I least expected it. I nearly experienced Sudden Butt Death, but somehow survived. ;)

This looks nowhere near as bad as it felt!

The results? Sjamboks are bad and no one should buy them. So much hurt!

Chapter 2 out of many will be posted tomorrow. (I know this for a fact: I already wrote it!)

Extra Special Adventures, Coming Right Up!

I've never been to a spanking party before. I've been to play parties and to dungeons before, and I've been to a few things that are ALMOST like a spanking party. For example, I once hung out with my best friend, HeatherFeather, another spanko girl, another BDSM bottom who was somewhat into spanking and Malignus at what was at the time just his apartment (which is now where I live) and had lots of spanking adventures.

Then there was the Halloween party at Threshold where a number of spankos (including me, Christy Cutie and Porcelain Ass) and a bunch of BDSM people who are fond of spanking hung out. It was a party and there were spankos and spanking! Almost like a spanking party, right?

There was also the hotel party that took place right before left Los Angeles. There were about ten people and lots of spankings happened. I even got spanked by one of my friends who was wearing a panda suit at the time. Good, good times!

Still, none of these have been extended and dedicated spanking parties, and that's about to change. This weekend I'm going to a small, private spanking party. It isn't going to be anything like a large party, but it will have some pretty significant new experiences.

First of all, everyone who will be in attendance is a spanko, despite being from all walks of life. I've never been in a large group of spankos for more than a few hours at a time. That's an exciting prospect for me. Secondly, there will be a lot of people there who I've never met before. In fact, the only person I'll have met in person before will be Malignus. That said, two of the people who are going are good internet friends of mine, which makes things slightly less intimidating. Still, meeting a whole bunch of people can be really scary. I don't even really know what people do at these kinds of parties, but I figure that there aren't too many rules and regulations for it.

Another thing which is on my mind is the fact that I'll be playing with people for the first time there.

I hear Tops talk from time to time about getting performance anxiety before spanking a girl, especially for the first time. They worry that they won't do it hard enough, or that they'll do it too hard and scare her off, or that they'll do something that she misinterprets as creepy. They worry that they'll mess up their reputations as good, trustworthy spankers.

I've never heard another bottom express this, but I get this. This is totally different than my generalized spankoanxiety, which is something that I've made great strides towards lessening by simply getting closer and closer to fully accepting myself for who and what I am. I just worry that the kind of bottom that I am won't be desirable to the Tops that I engage with. What if I cry too much? What if I'm not snarky enough? Will they find spanking me boring because I just lie there and take it and there isn't any struggle? Will I seem like a wet blanket because I don't really engage in "the game" of getting spanked for being a brat?

I know that a lot of the other girls who are going (the party is pretty much M/f) enjoy playful bratting and that's not really my forté. I like being good. I'm not kidding when I say that. I've recently been watching a lot of videos to try and learn how to be snarkier when I'm filming (especially videos with Erica in them, because she's the most clever) but I still have trouble imagining myself acting that way when I wasn't... acting. My hope is that people will just accept that I'm the way that I am and not think that it makes me a lamesauce wet-blanket. But I'm nothing if not an insecure worrier with a deep-seated obsession with the idea that no one will like me, so it keeps popping up.

My guess is that everything will be great and that it will be a learning experience for me. I'll get to see the way that other people in the scene interact with each other and learn more about other attitudes towards TTWD. I also plan to have some serious cuddle time with one particularly adorable spanko bottom Doctor and to get some lessons in how to be really good at drawing kitties, to do some super fun baking, to make new friendships and strengthen ones that have thus far only existed online and maybe to try some exciting new things.

So here I am, with that combination of terror and extreme excitement that always comes with new things but especially comes with new spanking related things. I turn to you, dear readers! Have you ever been to spanking parties? If so, what was your first one like? What advice would you have for a girl attending her first one? Do you ever get "performance anxiety" before having a scene with a new person? What do you do to combat it?

Sniffle sniffle cough!

I haven't been online for a few days. I've let messages sit in my email and fetlife inboxes. In fact, until last night, I hadn't so much as touched my laptop for 72 hours. Now, that's unusual. Why? Because, first of all, I'm addicted to the internet. Secondly, I love my laptop. It's the first computer of my very own that has actually worked well. My first two computers ("Lappy" and "The Craptop" respectively) could never do anything right pretty much ever and were in and out of repairs all the time. I bought this machine in 2007 and have never regretted it. With the exception of the power cable that died while I was at my mother's house over Easter last year and had to be fixed with tape and later replaced and the keys that are missing from my keyboard from over use, nothing has gone wrong with it in the past five years.

I had trouble color correcting this photo. My computer is actually white and not gross looking.

This means that my dear Shenandoah Puff Octopus Prime (who still has a shorter name than my legal name!) has never spent the night in the shop, and therefore, the only time I've gone this long without using the computer since 2007 was either when I was in the hospital or when Serious_Face grounded me from my computer for four days because I said that I was more interested in looking at this than listen to him talk more about the differences between Greek and Roman coinage. (Men in my life are always over reacting!)

Also, while we're on the subject of SPOP, this is what the front looks like:

Whoever comments and names the most characters/cuteness franchises represented here will get a Cuteness Appreciation Award and public recognition.

What has been keeping me away from my beloved? I've been working (at my job) quite a bit recently, but I've been sleeping poorly and constantly feeling run down. I'd come home from work or wake up in the morning and want to do nothing. I spent my free time this weekend entirely lying around and watching TV with Malignus. He even surprised me and came to pick me up from work and take me to go watch a movie and I was like "Just take me home for bed! I am going to die! My legs are going to break off at the knee and that would be sad!" (which made me feel like a total cuntmuffin but was absolutely the truth.)

I felt icky and gross, but I had not yet reached the point of True, Undeniable Sickness®: I still wanted to be spanked. So yesterday, I asked Malignus to spank me before I headed to work and then eagerly climbed over his lap. He spanked me with his hand, which does not mean that he went easy on me. I love hand-spankings because they're at the very core of my kink and they feel so close and connecting, but in a lot of situations, one sacrifices the amount of hurt for that comfort. Except with Malignus. When he wants to, he makes a hand spanking hurt more than many other people's best efforts with a hairbrush. This was what happened yesterday: he spanked me crazy hard and fast and left me crying out and gasping. When he stopped, he told me that was my warmup. I had a very scrunchy face. He then did the same thing to my thighs, and told me that was the warmup for my thighs. I was already on the verge of tears (which is really not surprising considering that he's made me cry with a single swat from a dishtowel) when he directed me to get up and get over the bed. He then proceeded to give me a very quickly paced caning, covering both my bottom and my thighs, which left me crying very hard indeed.

When I sat up next to him to hug him, though, he started hitting the front of my thighs with it, which is a very mean thing to do. I think that the main reason he's so crazy about hitting the front of my thighs is because he gets to look at my sad and pathetic face while he's doing it, and because it hurts so much, it's EXTREMELY sad. He started hitting me a bunch and I sat there crying and sobbing and doing what Naomi calls "screaming like a dying monster." He then stopped and I finished my crying and he would start again to make me cry a bit more. He then gave me the most difficult of instructions ever: "Don't cry." He returned to caning my thighs (they weren't full strokes, mind you, but the amount of sting was ridiculous) and I tried my best not to cry. It didn't last long, though, because Malignus collapsed on the bed and literally rolled around laughing. Apparently my sad face while trying not to cry was the saddest he's ever seen me, and it filled his sadistic, little heart with such glee that he was "happier than he'd been in a long time." We will eventually be recreating this on film for your viewing pleasure. I know it's been a good scene when it ends with me crying and him grinning uncontrollably. It just makes the world feel right.

I don't like going to work on the weekends, but the day went by very quickly when I was covered with welts and bruises. I felt warm and safe and loved. That said, impact play actually CAN'T cure all problems (WHO KNEW?!) and about halfway through my shift I started coughing and sniffling. By the time I got home, I felt about half dead. The mystery of why I've been so run down was finally solved: I was slowly but surely getting sick.

It's actually good timing: I'm going away this weekend, so this means that I'll be better by the time I leave and I won't be likely to get sick again while I'm there. More details on where I'm going coming soon.

For now, though, I've been spending my time coughing and snuggling in bed with my Pikachu. I basically feel like this:

Hopefully, I can get back to my usual posting schedule. If I can stay awake long enough to write.