Game time. ^_^

I've been trying to get through a ton of the adventures that I've had recently, and I find this kind of a struggle sometimes, just because I get overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff that I have to write about and I want to get it done before anything else noteworthy happens, which means that I *certainly* want to get it finished and published before I leave for Chicago Crimson Moon. I've also recently gotten kind of addicted to using my tumblr, which is chock full of instant gratification and horribly distracting. -_-
I recently sat down and wrote a bunch of stuff at once, except that all of those posts are waiting on one thing or another that I need to get from other people. During this time, I had a skype date with my friend Peachy Keane (the girlfriend of my previous Dom, IG/scotchgrove, and a close friend of mine for several years). While we were talking I complained that I was feeling kind of burned out on what I was writing and I needed a break. She created this game for me, to give me a chance to write about stuff in short answers that's at least moderately interesting (I hope!) but is easy and straight forward for me. I had fun with this, and I hope you have fun reading it. As always, if you have questions you want me to answer, you can leave them in the comments, email them to me at alexinspankingland@gmail.com or put them in my inbox on the above-linked tumblr. I do enjoy this stuff. :D

Ten bands or musicians you listen to the most often: 
According to my iTunes, it goes like this:
1) The Mountain Goats
2) The Smiths
3) The Clash
4) Jets to Brazil
5) Radiohead
6) Bright Eyes
7) Red Hot Chili Peppers
8) R.E.M.
9) Nine Inch Nails
10) Smashing Pumpkins

I also listen to an awful lot of Smog, but I only ever really listen to one track by them, so that shouldn't count. There are several bands like that. There are a ton of bands that I've gone through phases with, but these are the ones that I've listened to pretty constantly since college (which was nearly five years ago, because I'm ridiculously old now. -_-)


Nine positions you've been spanked in:
When I first saw this question, I almost insisted that Peachy change the position of this question to be a different number because I was pretty sure that there just *weren't* nine spanking positions. Some creative thinking lead me to the following list, though. This list is in no particular order.
1) OTK, and variants
2) The "legs up" position.
3) Lying flat on bed, or over pillows.
4) Standing, unsupported, or with hands against wall.
5) Bent over in what's meant to be the touching toes position, but I can't actually do that.
6) Kneeling on all fours.
7) Standing on a raised object like a step ladder or a crate (this is my all time least favorite possible position, because I have a horrible fear of falling over while being spanked).
8) Bent over across some sort of furniture item.
9) The wheelbarrow position.

I then thought of a whole bunch more than nine positions, including lots of variants  and I was rather pleased with myself.


Eight cities you've visited this year:
1) London, England
2) Las Vegas, NV
3) Los Angeles, CA
4) New York, NY
5) Atlantic City, NJ
6) Denver, CO
7) Daytona Beach, FL
8) Dallas, TX

That was kind of just a sampling. I've been to more than eight places this year. I'm a very lucky girl to get to do so much traveling. :D

Seven things you're looking forward to:
1) Hanging out with a friend tomorrow.
2) Fireworks exist, and I'm probably going to have them in my life soon.
3) My 26th birthday is on July 6th. Birthdays are always nice, although this isn't a significant one.
4) Chicago Crimson Moon.
5) I'm specifically looking forward to a rather complex school girl roleplay that The Bad Alex, Jon83 and I have planned for that party.
6) Shadowlane. Anyone who isn't looking forward to Shadowlane isn't going to Shadowlane.
7) Going back to England in January.

Six things that weren't your original kink but you discovered you enjoy:
1) Riding crops. I originally found these to fall into two different uncomfortable categories: things that felt really BDSM-y and things that I associated with animals. I still don't find them visually appealing if just anyone is using them, and I don't think they make sense in a lot of scene contexts. The cheap, sex-store type makes me go -_-, and I hate it when someone uses one like a cane with a little thing on the end, but I've found places where they fit into my kink well. Very well indeed.

2) Being held down. I still don't really get into being bound, but I originally didn't like to have ANYTHING keeping me in place besides myself. It was a pride thing. I wanted to be so super-well behaved that I was able to be still for anything (although this was at the same time in my life as I broke a lamp with my Pikachu slipper by sending it flying off my foot in a kicking frenzy, so I'm not always consistant). Once I got over myself (a little, let's be fair here :P) I realized that I love the feeling of being manhandled into position and firmly held down, having my hand pinned to the small of my back, or my wrists pinned above my head, et cetera.

3) Resistance. Again, I originally wanted to give myself over to everything quietly and calmly. I later discovered that I can really get behind a scene where I protest and struggle and have to be beaten into submission every now and then, if it's something my partner and I have pre-negotiated.

4) Getting hit on the front of my legs. This has become a huge kink for me, but originally I didn't want anything to do with it. It felt weirdly inappropriate because it wasn't on my butt.

5) Kneeling. I was at one point really uncomfortable with the idea of kneeling for any reason. It seemed way to BDSM-y for me, and I resisted the idea a lot. Bit by bit, I went from being comfortable with it to finding it to be wonderfully passive and soothing feeling, in the right context (and only once in a while).

6) Getting hit on the hands. Brain! Why did you even write that?! Horrible. Ugh. WTF, me! I don't enjoy that. My brain can't lie to me and say that I do, honestly.


Five spanking photos that don't involve you that you have saved to your computer:
I originally didn't want to answer this. I wanted to ask Peachy to give me a different question instead. This is one of the most tremendously vulnerable things that I think a person can ask me, and I'll probably make an entire post about why at some point. These are the pictures which, over the years, I've felt the need to save to my computer to view again. I don't really do that very often anymore, and my collection has constantly changed over the years because I'd get ashamed (or need the disc space) and delete them all. Here are the requisite samples, though:

1) 

Another reason I felt weird about doing this is that I have NO IDEA of the source of some of my photos. I'm super sorry. If this photo is yours, or you know where it's from, please let me know.  I found and saved this photo fairly recently. The way both parties are dressed and the park bench setting work for me. I also really enjoy having faceless photos sometimes, because then I don't have to think about someone I know, because honestly, I probably know at least something about most of the people who show up in mainstream spanking photos at this point.

2) 

This photo is from Girls Boarding School and it's some years old, although not as old as some of the stuff I used to keep on my computer. I'm so sorry that I can't ID the model. This really makes me feel sad. 

3)

I kind of picked a representative photo from this set from Northern Spanking at random, because I like literally all of it. It's really visually pretty, and I have a crush on Paul. People consistently tell me that I can't have a crush on someone anymore after they become my partner, but I so do. I see a photo of him and I smile and blush like a high schooler. This makes my life great, because I often run into pictures of him on the internet when I don't expect to, and it always makes my day. I also run into pictures of him on my computer when I do expect to, because one of the ways that I manage missing him is by enjoying media containing him. 

4)

I've had a severity kink since always, but I think I may have been more interested in photos that showed girls looking really marked up, especially if they had marks on their thighs, before I started actually playing and in the early years of me getting spanked. I went through a period of time where severe marking was one of my biggest concerns in photo selection. This one from Pain Toy fit that niche a lot. This no longer really matters to me, because I know how marking works, that it isn't really a sign of severity as it is about the girl being spanked's body, and I know what filming is like. Now, I care a lot more about certain themes and aesthetics showing up in pictures and videos.

5)

Except for sometimes, of course. This is what it looks like: it's a screenshot from a video on Nimue's World that I took on my phone. I recognize that this is probably super lame, but this is from my all-time favorite spanking video (entitled "I've Seen You" and involving Paul and Nimue), and I watch the hell out of it. I don't think most people would expect this to be my favorite video, because it's TREMENDOUSLY dark and I don't talk about that part of my kink as often. I think the fact that I've done very little with this part of my kink in the real world is the primary reason that I'm so damn obsessed with watching videos that indulge it.

Four things you've tried in the scene but don't really "do it" for you:
1) Bondage. I'll do it for videos, but in my personal play, I only either want to submit out of my own free will or be forced and pinned by my partner's body.
2) Counting, or having to talk a lot while being spanked particularly hard. Again, I *can* do this, but it's really difficult for me.
3) Being cold while being spanked. I'm beyond over that shit. No. No. No. No. No. No more. Except I'm going back to England in January. So probably yes. I'll just cry a lot.
4) Anything relating to my nipples. That's just horribly painful and not in a good way. Ugh.


Three people in the vanilla world you idolize:
1) John Darnielle
2) Terrance Malick
3) Kimya Dawson

Two things you should probably get in more trouble for doing than you do:
1) Some days it feels like I get in less trouble than I deserve for messing with Mila so damn much. Other days, it seems entirely balanced. Even more days, it seems like it's horribly unfair and it's all her fault.
2) I pretty much tell on myself for everything that I do wrong, so this question is sort of boring.

One cat that you are obsessed with:
1) Fatface. Fuck yes.

Video Blog with Christy Cutie, from TASSP!

So, I know that this is entirely out of chronological order, but I made this video blog with Christy Cutie at TASSP and I wanted to share it. The spanking at the end is very playful and not meant to be serious in any amount, or to actually hurt.  Here, we share some of our adventures from TASSP.

I think I've mentioned before that I get into a different sort of mood depending on who I'm hanging out with, and Christy and I occupy a very giggly, super naughty, school girlish type space most of the time that we're together, as seen in this clip. Christy's "Domming" at the end is adorable. "WAIT! NO ONE SAID YOU CAN MOVE!" The couple that I refer to as "The Arms" and his new wife, whose names we weren't sure if we were supposed to say or not, are Kevin and Rachel of spankanonymous.

 I'm also the most awkward person ever in a video blog, I'm rather convinced, and the angle and lighting are a bit weird, so it isn't ideal. That's all okay.

Christy and I will be hanging out together at Chicago Crimson Moon in July. We offer double sessions, so if you're interested in spanking both of us, feel free to drop me an email at alexinspankingland@gmail.com with "session" in the subject line for a swift response! 

I'll finish a written post soon, probably later today. Someone made me suddenly really want to get my email finished before I do anything else, so that's happening right now. 

♥

Schoolgirls and sailors!

I only have three more things that I really feel are important to share about BBW. The rest of the party was wonderful, but it was ages ago, and holy crap, really Alex? You need to get caught up. So, here are my final three stories. I'm totally writing this from TASSP right now. My inability to keep up to date with this stuff is OUT OF CONTROL. Additionally, I'm sorry that recently my blog has simply been a series of stories about adventures most of the time, in case anyone finds that boring. Soon, my life will be settling for a while and I'll get caught up and back to my regular programing. I've had really ridiculously low traffic this month, so I'm sorry for whatever isn't awesome about what I've been up to recently. I'm still here, and I'll do my best to get back to updating regularly and excitingly as soon as I can! 

There were a lot of British people at BBW, including a handful of my favorite people. I think it was Richard Windsor's idea to have a "Meet the Brits" party. I liked this party quite a bit because various people had brought biscuits and sweeties and other things that I was missing after returning to the US, and I munched on this stuff while socializing with whoever was around. At one point, Bad Alex and I ended up chatting to Mr. Allen again. I mentioned earlier that Bad Alex had sort of punched me on the knee earlier, and it had marked up. As the three of us hung out, I noticed this bruise again. "Mr. Allen," I kind of whined, "Alex hit me. It left a mark, look!" He looked, and asked Alex if she had, indeed, hit me. She openly and unabashedly admitted to it, and probably included her trademark phrase: "sucks to suck!" As the victim, I was asked what punishment seemed appropriate and I suggested that she should be caned.

"Fine," Alex said. "But tattletales get double."
"Agreed," said Mr. Allen.

Then my head exploded. Where was this rule every time that I did the tiniest little thing wrong and Mila felt it was her sisterly duty to tell everyone she could think of about it? It seemed to me that when someone tattled on me and I complained about it, the response was always "She's just looking out for your best interest" or "She needs to protect herself." The unfairness of the universe was overpowering. I probably stamped my foot, but I don't remember.

Alex got her caning, which was enjoyable to watch. There was some sliver of fairness left in the world, because each of the six strokes obviously hurt, and everything is right when Bad Alex is experiencing something painful as consequence for her badness. Then it was my turn. "This isn't fair!" I reminded everyone. "I didn't do anything wrong!" Mr. Allen looked at me with an expression that suggested that I was close to earning even more strokes if I kept up my complaining, though, so I bent over the chair. They weren't hard, full bodied strokes, but they weren't overly playful, either. And, as the other stories in the previous posts will remind you, I'd played a lot that weekend. I was sore as could be, and each stroke made me whimper and yelp. Near the end of my thrashing probably at the tenth stroke or so, Lucy and Stephen came into the room and sat down at the end of the bed next to us. Lucy inquired about why I was being caned and Mr. Allen and Alex explained it to her.

"Yes, that seems quite fair," Lucy said.
"WHAT?! Why does everyone think this is fair?!" I protested, making a scrunchy face at Lucy.  (My blog doesn't support me making the emoticon scrunchy face but you'll just have to imagine it. A lot).
"Mr. Allen!" Lucy immediately called out, "Alex just made a horrid face at me!"
"Did you?" Mr. Allen asked and I nodded pitifully, unable to tell a lie. "You'll be getting extra strokes,"  he told me. In my mind, the amount of extra strokes was four, but it's very possible it was actually two. My memory can be a bit faulty when it comes to these things, especially as time passes.

It was impossibly hard not to scrunch my face up at this announcement, but somehow I managed, knowing quite well that it wouldn't be a wise choice. The extra strokes (however many they were) were harder, and I yelped more loudly than I had previously, shuffling my feet and grinding my toe against the floor. This was the first time I'd ever been punished for making a scrunchy face. It was not the last.

The reason why I find this story particularly noteworthy is because I wanted to get Bad Alex caned. In the process, I ended up taking probably sixteen strokes. I got ten more strokes than she did. Somehow, this still felt "worth it" to me. Why? Because Bad Alex is Bad. Besides, I like unfairness. I like it when someone I know well and trust lies to me about what will and won't happen in a scene (YS does this quite regularly. He tells me he's only giving me two strokes and then gives me six, or something like that). The feeling of this scene spiraling out of what I expected it to be was invigorating. I felt like I was being swept along, caught up in the current of some river of caning. There was something much more interesting about not being able to be certain when things would end. 

The good and the bad!

The second incident took place on the Sunday before we all left BBW. ellee and I had negotiated a group roleplay scene with Richard Windsor before the party. Richard had given us pretty much free reign on the scenario, within the agreed upon context that it was a school roleplay that was meant to end with us getting caned. ellee and I brainstormed for a long time, tossing back and forth various ideas over email and IM. Eventually, one of my ideas won out: we would be in trouble for having a secret pet  in our dorm. ellee filled in a lot of the details: we'd found a litter of kittens behind the supply shed and had taken them in because they were oh-so-cute instead of telling someone in authority about them. As the kittens grew, they caused all sorts of problems: they tore up the carpet and wallpaper, peed all over things, gave a girl an asthma attack and, probably worst of all, brought fleas into the building. Everyone in the dorm had them, and the dorm director was at a loss for what was causing the "bedbug problem." Eventually, the asthma attack had gotten us brought to attention and our dorm director wrote a letter to the headmaster, Mr. Windsor. ellee and I carefully crafted this letter, including making a fake email address for the "dorm director" to send it to Rich. 

Unfortunately, it was a bit hard for Rich to punish us for having kittens, being an animal lover himself, so it may not have been the ideal scenario. It was totally us, though: earnest, mostly good, accidentally in a lot of trouble, rather sad about it. 

On Sunday, when it was time for our scene, ellee and I got dressed up in school uniforms that didn't match at all. (We now have matching school skirts. This changes everything. Next party that we're at together, we take over the world). Still, we both felt like school girls, and that's what counts. We came into Rich's room and he was in character, lecturing us from the door about what we'd done wrong and how much trouble we were in. We stared at the ground repentantly, trying to give answers that weren't too snarky. Eventually, it was decided that we knew better, and that we'd caused a lot of damage, so we were both to be spanked and then we'd each get twelve strokes of the cane. Rich sent me to stand in the corner while he spanked ellee, first-- he later told me that he did it this way because he knew that this would build a lot of anticipation and have a strong affect on me, and he was entirely right. I try to take cornertime seriously, even in a roleplay, because it's such an important part of my kink. This time, though, the lighthearted nature of our pretending and the fact that elleebutt was getting spanked right behind me got the best of me, and I kept turning around to peek. Rich caught me and told me that if I looked back again, I'd get extra strokes. I couldn't help myself. I looked back again. I guess I'm just never satisfied with twelve strokes of the cane. I have to keep earning extra. 

Once he finished spanking ellee, he switched and put me over his lap. I tried to oogle ellee while she stood in the corner near me, but I was far too distracted by the spanking at hand.

The spanking was brisk, and I was already sore, so I wiggled and squirmed around. When it was done, Rich got me up and got ellee out of the corner and directed us to bend over opposite sides of a small table, where we'd be receiving our canings.

In position! (ellee is the cutest girl ever to live)

He then gave ellee the first stroke, which made her yelp. After that, he walked around the table to my side, to deliver my first one. This process was long and very, very anticipatory. Anticipation can be a hugely positive factor in a scene for me, and a lot of the play that Richard and I have engaged in together has emphasized this. The whole set up served to get into my head quite a bit, which seems to be another big factor in the scenes that Richard and I have done. After I got each stroke, I saw ellee's face as she got hers. We grabbed each other's hands in solidarity and comfort, and I felt her squeeze me as things hurt.

EVEN HER HANDS ARE CUTE!

Eventually, we worked through all the strokes, except for the additional two that I'd be getting. At this point, I was greatly regretting my antics earlier. The caning had been quite hard, and I'd gotten a few on my thighs, making me cry out and whimper lots and lots. I wasn't crying, but I was quite contrite and well thrashed feeling. The last two really "counted." This is the way of the world when you earn extra strokes, I suppose. I considered going back to being an excessively good girl all the time, in order to avoid any more of these in the future. :P

The scene ended with the two of us in the corner, then we had that semi-awkward moment where we broke character, then we giggled and hugged.

So much sweetness. 

The final noteworthy adventure at BBW took place IMMEDIATELY AFTER THIS, and much running around was involved to get from this adventure the next. The next was the "Adult Speaking" boat cruise, which was really, really fun. We had to change quickly and then basically teleport to the place where the bus was taking us to the dock, except that we can't actually do that, so we had to run really quickly through a big hotel instead. But it was worth it! It was lots of fun to hang out on the boat, once we all eventually got there.

I like boats. I like boating. I grew up in Southern New Jersey on the coast, extremely close to where we were boating at the time, and I felt very, very at home. It was a wonderful feeling to be able to be being myself, totally and entirely while I was in my home setting. I spent time with each of the people who had come on the boat that was special to me. I had a couple of drinks. I had Pandora take photos of me climbing stairs in my sailor dress:

Then, of course, there was the customary "Drawbridge spanking" where everyone lines up and gets spanked in front of a drawbridge, while everyone in their cars can see us. I was slightly embarrassed by this idea, but I went for it anyway. Joe (drlectr) spanked me. I love Joe.

This is one of my all time favorite photos. 

That's really all I have to say about the boat trip. I do want to share one more photo, because I feel that it's a gem beyond compare. Here's me and my darling twinsie, ellee, on the boat:

ellee looks so thoroughly spanked. I don't look to pale myself!

This concludes my posting about BBW. Onward to further adventures! Thanks for your patience! I love you all! ♥

Size, Shape, Spanking.

This is an interruption to my recent narrative, because this post is important. It's been stewing in my mind for a couple of weeks, and I've decided that I'm going to post it.

I get lots of questions in the inbox on my tumblr page, and I try to answer all of them. I like to have an open line of communication. I try to respond to Fetlife messages and emails, as well, but contacting me with something small over tumblr is pretty effective. A couple of weeks ago, I got the following question in my tumblr inbox:


"You have a large, chubby, big bottom. Do you think you 

can take a hard spanking because it has so much padding? 

Do you like your bottom?" 



My natural reaction to a message like this is to feel badly about myself. Oh. I'm big. Thanks for reminding me. In fact, there have been times when these sorts of messages or photo comments or emails really tore me up. They pushed me over an edge of self doubt and lack of confidence. They reminded me of the thing that I feared: that I was fat. That I was the biggest girl making spanking videos. That I was really not all that pretty. That I largely got by as a model on my personality and, as the note mentioned, my ability to take a beating. That I'm not a tiny little thing, that I don't fit over a lap as easily as the more petite girls and all my other fears and doubts relating to my height.

The truth is, I've spent a lot of my life feeling extremely insecure. I wrote a long post about my feelings towards my vertical size just about a year ago and it was one of the most vulnerable and personal things that I've ever written on this blog. I've never really mentioned my insecurities about my figure too openly, but I think a lot of people know that they're there. I'm in a very body centric profession with a shape that's different than many people in said profession, or even in the visible media. I put myself in a position where people discuss me in a public forum and where other bloggers think it's a compliment to describe a girl as "pretty despite her size" when in reality, she's about a size 8 and tremendously beautiful. It's not hard to figure out how all that might make me feel.

A few months ago, my insecurities were peaking. I just flat out didn't like myself physically. I was losing weight, but I was never satisfied. I didn't like my shape. I didn't like my height. I didn't like my curves. I didn't like bottom. Because modeling is my job, I pressed through working, but I didn't expect to like any of the things that I saw. I was negatively comparing myself against some of my friends who are just built differently than me, and I was making myself feel awful about it.

There's nothing wrong with me. 

Eventually, I got to the point where I was honest with my friends about these feelings, and basically everyone I talked to was tremendously supportive. I was struggling with a general sense of depression to some degree for a while, especially over the winter, and that was adding to the way that I was seeing myself. I'm not going to name the people who talked to me about my body and my self image, because our conversations were extremely personal and intimate, but I'm eternally grateful for them. Their combined efforts helped me to realize that I was viewing myself through a dysmorphic lens and that I'm really actually quite pretty.

This is a feeling that's been blooming and growing recently. I've gone into whatever the opposite of a depression is. Happiness. I like my life. I like the way that things are for me. I like what I do. I like the people I do those things with. I like myself.
And I mean that.
I feel drastically differently about myself than I used to.
I don't feel ashamed about myself. About anything. I don't feel ashamed of my sexuality, or of the things that I want, or of my history, or of the things I don't know and can't do well, or the times when I'm just not a real adult, or of my emotions. I don't feel too tall. I don't feel too fat. I like my shape. I like the way I look and feel draped over a lap. I like my long, curvy legs.

I feel like I look tall in this photo, and that's okay with me.

I want to stress that no one ever made me feel the way I did before. In fact, I had tremendous emotional support to try and help me be my best. I just... did.
Now, I don't.

So, I'm going to answer my Tumblr question.

I don't really have that big of a bottom. It certainly doesn't need three adjectives to describe it that way. I have a round, perky, spankable bottom. I like it. A lot of people like it. It's my favorite part of my body. I like the way it looks. I like the way it bounces when I'm spanked. I like how it looks when I'm bent over, or over a lap. I like the way it fills out panties.

Chubby isn't the word I think about myself when I see this.

I like the way it looks when I walk around. I like how it looks in a short skirt. I like how it looks in jeans. I wouldn't change it. I mean that. It's mine (well, and someone else's, too, and that just makes it even better!) and I'm proud of it.

I don't think that I can take a harder spanking because of the way that I'm built, but I wouldn't entirely discount the idea. Honestly, I think that I can take a hard spanking because that's what I've always wanted, and because Malignus taught me a lot of wonderful things about both active and passive submission over the years. I know that I'm less at risk at having my bones struck because of the way that I'm built, and I'm grateful for that because I do like being hit hard (in the right situation).

I'm not less spankable because of my shape. I can still feel comfortably emotionally small, vulnerable, physically supported... everything that I want to feel. I'm not just saying this. It's a real change.

I hope that this answers the OP's question. ♥