Good bye, 2012!

2012 was a year in which a lot of things happened. In all, it was a good year, although it certainly had parts that were difficult and not enjoyable. That said, the good certainly outweighed the bad. I'm going to take a minute to reminisce about all the relevant things which happened, going month by month:

January

January in South Dakota was cold and bitter and it involved a lot of me staying indoors and playing Zelda, which, after considerable effort and lots of me getting hit with a cane, I beat it! I got lots of spankings and other enjoyable violence that night, including this lovely memory:

Malignus decided that he wanted to hit me on the thigh AGAIN and that this time, he wanted me to bring him the aforementioned spoon. I was hesitant to do so, but did not protest. Again, I bared my thigh, and this time I buried my face in a pillow. The pain of it made my head explode, pretty much. He hit me more than once, and I found myself rolling around and freaking out. I became so not concerned with my surroundings that I hit my head into the wall a bit, but I didn't even care. Somehow, I found myself curled up in Malignus' lap sobbing while he comforted me and reminded me that he loved me and that I'm a very good girl. I know it sounds horrible, and it was, but at the same time, I loved it. I loved how happy indulging his sadism made him. I love being pushed that far. I loved that I had (mostly) accepted something that I hate. Lying there while I regained my calm, I found myself in this sort of otherworldly state of comfort-- entirely spent, but the vacant space where all the fight in me had been was filled with a warm and enjoyable sense of comfort.


My blog post about defeating it was the first time that I got a post included on Chross, which was full of excitement for me. In terms of blogging, I had a good month for other reasons as well. I posted a lot and wrote two posts that remain popular to this day: the post which WYO refers to as "Ass Care" and my post explaining my various motivations for crying from a spanking. I also stirred up a bit of controversy by complaining about the kind of comments which I hate. This post resulted in me actually losing a friend, which is kind of pathetic, if you ask me.

February

In February, my blog was named Blog of the Month at The Spanking Bloggers Network, of which I was very proud. I also got my driver's license and became a real adult. :P Malignus and I had our first Valentine's Day together as a couple and I got spanked lots and lots. Near the end of the month, I went to my first spanking related get together: a cabin party in Indiana. During this party, I met lots of people who would go on to become extremely important in my life for the first time: Ten, Drlectr, ellee and YS are at the top of that list. One of the nice things about blogging is having a documented record of events, so when something later turns out to have been a significant moment, I can look back at what I wrote about it at the time. Here's the story of the first time YS spanked me:


We then went back up to the house and ellee and I got to work on our coloring. This was interrupted by YS giving ellee a strapping, and later, by him doing the same to me for the first time. Getting spanked by him was pretty exciting. It's rare that I meet someone whose Dominance I immediately want to respect, but I felt that way about YS. I felt like calling him "Sir" almost immediately, making him only the fourth person I've habitually used an honorific with, ever. When I got in position for him to spank me, he told me to ask for it (I'd just seen the way that ellee had done this). In most circumstances, when someone other than Malignus gives me an order (outside of things we'd discussed for a scene) I get all scrunchy faced. I might even respond with "don't you fucking tell me what to goddamn do!" But when YS told me to ask for my spanking, I didn't even hesitate before saying "Please spank me, Sir." It's rare but lovely to find someone whose Dominance inspires me, and it made playing with him very enjoyable. He spanked me quite hard with a London Tanners' strap. It was lovely.



Also at this party, Malignus uprooted a small tree and hit me with it. I also got hit with a Sjambok for the first time and lived to tell the tale.

March

In March, Heather came back to South Dakota to stay with us for a few more months and it was wonderful. It was also in this month that we received a sjambok of our very own and I was very stupid and got myself into a bunch of trouble of the day that it arrived. Near the end of the month, I headed to Los Angeles for my first visit since moving and shot with a couple of spanking video companies.


April

My trip to Los Angeles bridged into April and I really enjoyed the rest of it. After that, April was a pretty slow month for me. I had some health issues and took considerable downtime.


May

In May, I traveled to California again to shoot for Sternwood Academy Volume 1. It was an adventure full of epic win, and one of the best times I've ever had on a shoot. I got to meet awesome people there like Ela Darling and Cheyenne Jewel (Pictured above with me and Heather). Later that month, Heather left to go to Texas with her boyfriend who had returned from Korea. It was a sad time, and it took a lot of adjusting to not having her around.


June

The major highlight of June was the Texas All State Spanking Party, which Malignus and I attended. This was both of our first national spanking party, and we had an amazing time. During this party I first "got together" with Drlectr and Ten, although I was somewhat shy about this and didn't blog about it at the time. I also got to meet Pandora Blake and Amelia Jane Rutherford for the first time at this party, and that was really wonderful. I can't wait to see them again when I go to England next year. I participated in my first "Naughty Schoolgirl Party" at TASSP, described here:

First, we had to line up to have our skirts measured by Dana Spect. The skirt I was wearing was a real school skirt, and it came down nearly to my knees, unlike many of the sexy skirts other girls had on. After holding a ruler up to me, Dana lead me to the front of the room and announced that I was an example of a good girl and that my skirt was what the other girls should aim to look like. I was beaming with pride. Praised in front of everyone? Yes please!

I did quickly realize that being a goody-goody-Hermione-Granger type wasn't going to get me very much attention with everyone else throwing pieces of paper, launching darts and sneaking beer into the classroom, though, so I figured I had to do something at least a little naughty at a naughty school girl party. I had a package of Fun Dip in my purse which Malignus had won for me the last time we'd gone to the arcade together, so we started eating that very obviously while we were supposed to be learning. Heather, Zoe and I were quickly pulled aside and given OTK spankings and warned not to eat any more candy in class. It was the first time I've ever been spanked in front of a live audience before, since a group of other guests were gathered in the back of the room watching the proceedings. I kept myself in the "performer" part of my brain that I use when doing videos and made sure to kick and squirm! It was lots of fun.


On a much less enjoyable note, June was also the month during which I was outed to my family of origin, something which created a struggle which is still somewhat in effect now, although things are much better than they were.

That's the first six months! To make this post more manageable, the second half of the year will be described tomorrow.

Post Christmas Catch Up

Well, Christmas happened and it was great.

It sort of snuck up on me because I had been so focused on Malignus' birthday, since Christmas happens every year, but he only got to turn 30 once.

I had tossed the idea around of doing some Christmas themed photos for about a week before the holiday, but I ended up putting it off and ending up only taking a few in the poor, winter lighting on Christmas eve:

The "Spank Me" panties in the bottom left frame were a gift from the wonderful people at Paddles and Panties and the socks in the bottom right came from Heather W. and are the best socks ever.

I got lots of really nice presents from people both in the scene and in my vanilla life, which I shall not brag about because that's just unseemly. I will, however, brag about one thing: Malignus got me a KitchenAid mixer.

I've wanted one of these since I was twelve years old and I first started to daydream about having a home of my own. I've been so fond of them that I've HUGGED Epipelagic and LilLawBrat's mixers when I saw them. Now I have my own. I'm using it for the first time tonight, and I'm incredibly excited. It was pretty much the greatest gift! :D

Due to the emphasis on family and on rekindling old bonds, Christmas tends to be a fairly vanilla time. Malignus did give me a very lovely spanking before bed that night, though. It was one of those nice, affectionate spankings which leave me feeling extremely loved. He gave me a long, gradually building warmup with his hand before moving on to spank me with some member of the Turner Family (that is to say, the collection of wooden turners/spoons, all of which have human names). This also started out more gently, but progressed to being fairly hard. After he finished with this, he returned to spanking me with his hand in a gradual decrescendo, which brought me from a little squirmy to very relaxed and snuggly feeling.  I was so ready to go to sleep after the spanking that I nearly forgot to collect my post-spanking hug, which is pretty unheard of for me. Once I was reminded of this, I felt slightly embarrassed (who forgets hugs time?!) but I enjoyed the affection which followed. We said "Merry Christmas" to each other and then I fell promptly to sleep. It was the perfect end to a wonderful holiday. :)

Now that Christmas has been over for a couple of days, I really should have gotten caught up on blogging already. It would have been the perfect thing to do yesterday. Unfortunately, I've falled into a bit of a slump recently. This is largely caused by the fact that I hate winter. Christmas aside, I hate everything about winter. Now that Christmas is aside, well, I'm just left with snow, ice, dangerously slippery roads, fewer daylight hours and awful, bitter cold. In college, I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder, but the treatment for that involved me having to wake up at 6 AM and sit under an excessively bright light in the Health Services Office for an hour before my first class, which just served to make me grumpier than I already was, so I didn't continue the practice. Recently, I've been struggling against both crankiness and laziness. I've managed to keep up with my chores and such things, but I haven't been feeling particularly spunky. In fact, I feel more like this:

I promise to get myself more motivated for a more noteworthy post tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm off to spend some time with Malignus.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

Search Term Q and A: Part II

I recently did a post in which I went through the search terms which had lead people to my blog and pulled out those which were in the form of questions and then answered them. Upon recent inspection, this has lead to many more questions being asked me. I've decided to keep doing this. I find this fun. This is almost like formspring!

Can an adult punishment spanking produce tears?

Yes, it absolutely can. Will it? Not necessarily. Many people, however, even those who don't often cry from spankings in other atmosphere, find that disciplinary spankings bring them to tears. I pretty much always cry if I'm being disciplined, even if it's not with a spanking. I hate the feeling of being in trouble!


Can a mermaid be spanked?

If a mermaid was real, I'm certain she could be. It would just have to be above the surface, since I know from experience that it's nearly impossible to spank underwater! :)


Can you spank yourself with a sjambok?

I think that a sjambok is probably the worst self spanking implement possible. It's too long and rigid to actually properly reach your bottom with it. A very flexible leather implement such as a well worn belt might work, but hand held items like wooden spoons and hairbrushes are pretty much the best for self spanking, at least the way I've done it.

Do lexan paddles cause permanent harm?

Any implement can cause permanent harm if used improperly. A lexan paddle, at least a thick one, is very heavy and therefore carries a greater risk of injury than a lighter implement. It isn't something I'd recommend a novice Top experiment with, and it's not something to go into fearfully for the bottom. If you're worried enough about it to google it, you should probably pass on it. There are plenty of other implements out there.


Do you feel more feminine after a spanking? 

It's not something I've ever thought about before, but I suppose I do in a certain way. I do feel very aware of my femininity when I'm having my skirt lifted up and my panties pulled down, and I like feeling like a domesticated woman, which spankings of a certain style lead me to feel. It isn't the thing I'd ask for if I felt a need to be feminine, though. In that case, I'm more likely to put on a fancy dress and do my hair and makeup. :)


How much do spanking models get paid?

That depends on a lot of variables and is pretty unique from situation to situation. It's not something that I discuss outwardly, as a general rule.


How do I accept a spanking?

I'm not entirely sure what this question means, but I think that it could be a request for advice on how to take a spanking well. For me, the answer to this comes from being passive, relaxing my body and giving up my willful feelings against the spanking. That's what leads me to feeling like I've "accepted" a spanking instead of just had it happen to me. :)


How do I get my bottom spanked?

If you're eighteen years old or older, I'd recommend checking out Spankfinder or Fetlife for Tops in your area, or consider going to a spanking party like Boardwalk Badness Weekend, Crimson Moon, Florida Moonshine or Shadowlane (to name a few!). There are also smaller spanking themed parties in many cities that just last for an evening but are still lots of fun. You can also try contacting a professional Top in or visiting your area if you're having trouble getting exactly what you want.


How do I soothe a spanked bottom? 

Ice. Lotion. Gentle rubbing. Sometimes, softer hand-spanking can help, too. If the pain is really severe, such as if it's keeping you from falling asleep at night or waking you up when you roll over, I recommend taking some ibuprofen. 


What are ways to make myself cry from a spanking?

The best way to make yourself cry is to focus on feeling vulnerable. I find it effective to just force myself to think about the position that I'm in and keep my mind on that. Malignus will sometimes lead me to this state by telling me to think about the fact that my bottom is bare and I am going to be spanked, or by stopping a spanking partway through and telling me to think about how much it has hurt so far. I also find that not reacting verbally for the beginning of the spanking and letting that build in my chest often brings me to actually crying instead of just wailing and yelping when I do start to react. Really, though, it's all about being able to be vulnerable with your Top. Having that safety and trust can go a long, long way.


What should I put on my spanked bottom?

The lotion that I prefer is St. Ives with Colagen Elastin, but Lubriderm is also excellent. I've recently been using creams that are meant to get rid of callouses on feet, also, but not immediately after a spanking. They usually include some level of menthol, though, and I think that many people would find that to feel good on a spanked bottom. I personally don't like to use anything that will get rid of too much of the sting, as I like feeling well spanked for as long as possible afterwards.


Why does your butt get hot when spanked?

Because more blood runs to the effected area. If a cold blooded humanoid was spanked (and, you know, if that was real), she would not experience this same sensation. Your body temperature is not actually affected by a spanking.


Why do spankings hurt?

Because you are getting hit, duh.

More scientifically speaking, the nociceptors in the buttocks receive the signal that there is damage and send this to the brain in the form of physical pain. The reason that spanking with certain implements like canes have a superficial pain at first and then a much stronger pain a few seconds after impact is because a second set of nociceptors are present deeper in the the tissues and are in place to detect injury there. It takes longer for these signals to get the brain in the form of pain.
I learned this stuff from Malignus, so I hope I remembered it properly. :)


Will arnica make my spanked butt heal faster? 

In my experience, no, it doesn't really do anything. A lot of people swear by it, though, but I've never seen an improvement in my bruises after using it.

More Surprises!

Bwahahaha.
Remember last post, when I said that PTL couldn't come visit because of her responsible adult life?
I lied!

Originally, all the girls were supposed to come on the same weekend, but due to some complications relating to which weekend is the "weekend before Malignus' birthday" (the one before his birthday, or the one which includes his birthday) we ended up with ellee and PTL taking different days off from work. In the end, we decided to just split it and have ellee on one weekend and PTL on another. I purchased Heather's tickets for the same weekend as ellee was visiting because they were less expensive at that time. Once that was all settled, we got to work at something that this whole "surprise" ordeal has made us all very good at: the lying.

We had a perfectly good reason why she couldn't be here, so we cooked up a few more details and then secretly text messaged each other back and forth, being extremely giddy about how exciting it would be when she finally *did* arrive.

On Thursday night, I was antsy about the coming excitement and felt extra energetic as we were hanging out and watching TV. I had trouble sleeping when my bedtime arrived, and I kept waking up excitedly. It didn't help that earlier that evening an entire freaking CHRISTMAS TREE had arrived from none other than PTL:

FUCK YES, CHRISTMAS!

On Friday, I got up and finished picking up the house from my previous guests and resetting things to "guest standards." PTL had messaged me to let me know that she had landed, but that her bag was delayed, so I gathered up a bunch of travel sized toiletries for her. Once all that was done, I got into the bath to relax a bit. I was still all wet and naked with a mask on my face when I got the text that read "I'm downstairs!" She found my apartment and I came to the door in a towel. I'm classy like that. She then got to have the pleasure of watching me dress and get ready before we headed off.

I'd set up a dinner with Malignus in town that evening, telling him that I wanted to have a casual and relaxed meal together before his actual birthday. When we got there, we explained to the hostest that we were actually a party of three but would only need two place settings now, as PTL was going to hide in the bathroom until Malignus arrived. The waitstaff was all very understanding. I sat and waited while she hid. Eight minutes later, I texted her to let her know he'd arrived. A minute or so after we got seated, she casually walked out of the bathroom and sat down next to him. "Hey, what's good here?" she asked.

He had no idea she was coming. It was perfect. 

We had an awesome dinner, then went and watched a movie all together. Afterwards, we came home and got pretty directly to the hitting with things. PTL got some pretty beautiful looking Twizzling:

The marks that they leave are so unique and kind of amazing. They are raised and braided and painful.

There were also thigh turkeys for both of us:

PTL (on the left) and me with smacked thighs and matching underpants :D The reason my left leg looks less red is because PTL is the one who hit me there, not Malignus. :P

We had lots of fun, relaxed and painful times, including a revisiting of all the implements that I mentioned regarding ellee and Heather's visit. I also got rapped on the knuckles with the Twizzler. Candy coated agony. :)

When 12:12 AM arrived, it was officially Malignus' birthday, as he was born at 1:12 AM, EST. He then proceded to give each of us 30 cane strokes. They weren't particularly hard, but there are never friendly cane strokes. A little while after, I looked like this:

Unfortunately, that mischievous scamp Beth Eisley heard about the dates mix up, decided that it was all my fault and began to insist that I needed to be "beaten within an inch of my life" because of it. When we got on Skype with her after the birthday caning, she began insisting this fairly heavily. Fortunately for me, Malignus doesn't do what anyone tells him to. Instead, Beth got "Alex getting hurt denial."

Eventually, Malignus got very excessively sleepy and we signed off for the night and all went to bed. It was a happy, happy night. :)

This morning, PTL and I made a birthday breakfast while listening to Christmas music. I received and opened some lovely Christmas gifts from vanilla sources, and I'm now wearing fuzzy pajama pants with adorable bears on them. Unfortunately, my physical birthday gift for Malignus didn't arrive in time, but PTL bought him Portal and Portal II as his gift, so they've been playing them all day.

Aparently, Malignus euthanized his Companion Cube more quickly than any other test subject on record. No one was surprised. :)

♥